Rett

Jan 08, 2009 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Dark Entreaty

Dark Entreaty

Storming out the front door
Knife within her hand
Her ragged nails were broken off
A bloody wedding band

Each night she lived in terror
Waiting for his rage
She knew that it was coming
Her nerve endings frayed

The floor is too dirty
The soup has gotten cold
Each night his coming home
His growing anger bold

The table’s not set right
Wrong glass for the wine
Seasoning is not enough
His food not served on time

Reeking of a cheap perfume
With lipstick on his cheek
Staggering home drunk again
And daring her to speak

Beaten for all his problems
His jealousy runs wild
With that final blow she snapped
No more pain she cried!

The knife went slicing downward
Across that leering face
As she ran out the front door
He couldn’t rise to chase

Huddled there in the corner
Screaming out in pain
The bone was shining whitely
As he slowly went insane…

Concieved in chatt 1/08/09 talking about how important titles and first two lines are.

— Rett, Jan 08, 2009

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: Southern Texas, USA

Favorite Poets: Dickenson, Longfellow

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

Critiques

Rett

17 years 5 months ago

Thanks Ben

I got a little too fast with this one. A bit rough. I have made some adjustments that I think helped it. I appreciate the time you took to read and critique. Respectfully, Rett: "Next time you think you're perfect, walk on water."

Race_9togo

17 years 5 months ago

This is good

Only problem that I had was 2nd line of 2nd verse. 1 too many syllabyls threw me off some. loved the last verse. Poetic justice at its best. what does "from chat" mean? Respectfully, Jim "Laws and rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" : Race

Rett

17 years 5 months ago

Thank Jim

I have re-worked it a bit and think I ironed out the kinks. Conceived in chat. Well last night in chat we were talking about how important titles and the first two lines of a poem are to get the attention of the reader and I popped off a couple of lines to show a title and a hook (first two lines) and ended up working on it. Thanks for the critique. I appreciate it! Respectfully, Rett: "Next time you think you're perfect, walk on water."

easylife_2

17 years 5 months ago

Rett

This is good,enjoyed reading.Thanks

Rett

17 years 5 months ago

Thanks Easy

Glad you liked it. Respectfully, Rett: "Next time you think you're perfect, walk on water."

themoonman

17 years 5 months ago

Hi Rett...

your title and hook worked... and below it was a written well piece with a twist... it should be used to intro the show called "snapped" ... have you seen it... it is mostly about women that do the deed... my wife loves the show...hey.... Richard

Rett

17 years 5 months ago

Thanks Richard

Nope, haven't seen snapped yet and neither has the wife. I think I'll try to keep it that way. You never know... *LOL* Glad you liked it and glad the title and hook worked. Respectfully, Rett: "Next time you think you're perfect, walk on water."

yenti

17 years 5 months ago

we learn

Yes young Rett we learn from each other and you put this piece up there on top of the chalkboard? It flowed ok and it was great to read, why cant I find something to complain of, LOL, Yours Ian.T

Rett

17 years 5 months ago

Just lucky I guess

*LOL* Thanks Ian My friend. Glad you couldn't find anything to complain about. Respectfully, Rett: "Next time you think you're perfect, walk on water."

goatman

17 years 5 months ago

I Liked It

The floor is too dirty The soup is too cold (The heater stopped working The lightbulbs too old. The thing that you worked at For thirty three years Was never good enough So it just dissapears.) your a master of rhyme. when I read your lines it's as if my tongue is suddenly a snake or some gracefully moving fish. nice subject, on which I may have said was average, but you actually got me thinking and really adressed it well. it's a good poem you've got here. .................................................................................. stop rambling about how things were perfect, are perfect or will be perfect. perfect is imperfect, and imperfect is perfect.

Rett

17 years 5 months ago

Thank you Goat

I like those lines also. I really appreciate it. I am working on a really weird one (for me). Weird and different and kind of icky. Respectfully, Rett: "Next time you think you're perfect, walk on water."

poewriter58

17 years 5 months ago

Rett

This came out great Glad the chat inspired you Chrys

Rett

17 years 5 months ago

Thanks Chrys

I always think it is strange where ideas come from. Respectfully, Rett: "Next time you think you're perfect, walk on water."

Janice Pearce

17 years 5 months ago

Dark Entreaty

Rett, You were spot-on with the intro, drew me right in. Your words addressed a subject of interest to us all, and you wrote a fine piece here~ _____________________________ To write a touching poem, you must gently stir the soul, if it brings forth tears or smiles, then the story was beautifully told. ________Janice Pearce_________

Rett

17 years 5 months ago

Thanks so much Janice

I most assuredly appreciate it. That one just developed very quickly. Respectfully, Rett: "Next time you think you're perfect, walk on water."

Rett

17 years 4 months ago

Thanks Janice

In chat we were talking about how much the title and the first two lines of a poem are essential to getting a readers attention. I popped out the first verse basically as an example of how it contributes to getting the readers attention. At Chrys's suggestion, I then developed it into this poem. Respectfully, Rett: "Next time you think you're perfect, walk on water."

Rett

17 years 4 months ago

Janice

Here is the definition. Basically a request, a prayer. entreaty, prayer, appeal earnest or urgent request; "an entreaty to stop the fighting"; "an appeal for help"; "an appeal to the public to keep calm" Respectfully, Rett: "Next time you think you're perfect, walk on water."

Eduardo Cruz

17 years 4 months ago

Rett,

excellent write Sir!!! enough is enough, always comes to baring down on those who abuse. one way or another. thanks, Eddie "Jenny got a knife and decided to become a butcher" >A true story from my childhood.<

Rett

17 years 4 months ago

Thank you Eddie

I appreciate it my friend. I cannot tolerate physical or mental abuse in a family. Bet Jenny didn't have any trouble with abuse.*G* Respectfully, Rett: "Next time you think you're perfect, walk on water."