Race_9togo

Jan 07, 2009 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Breathing The Storm

across humid laziness

forgetfulness of quiet summer

afternoon warms world

humming underneath

from insect sound

to shimmering heat

with darkness slowly growing

on tree-lined far horizon

distance joined between

green ordered world

and disappearing

cerulean sky

breathing in

wide stillness

sudden subtle

rush of drafting chill

on heat-stained air

insect buzz

shocked into silence

by remoteness

rumbling

with promise

Swelling grey

concealing blue

sunrays slanting

slowly losing space

to curtain rains

pouring delicately

powerfully moist

rich wet earth aroma

a cool damp inhalation

across distance

marching closer

thunderheads

pile blackly high

on delicately

crawling fingers

stabbing downwards

flashing blue

bright hot

with power

unimagined stalking closer

intimate expectancy

overpowering all

with thunder

growing nearer

vast clouds soaring

swollen heights

endlessly astonishing

breathing deep

the shuddering cold

wind sweeping

suddenly away all heat

upturned face

catching first

fat drops of

flying rain

falling sky lowering

from sudden

chilling

sunless-ness

water sheets

in shrieking wind

rain beats roaring

chaos patterns

ordered onto

stinging skin

mind flinching from

thunderous blasting

light flash shattering

all pretense

of omniscience

overpowering

thought itself

arms spread

legs braced against

liquid stinging

howling wind

mind free from

insignificance and everyday

face soaked

hair streaming

rain pounding

gusting downwards

unto ozone stink

drenched cold

through pounding heart

lungs filled heaving

chilled skin prickling

recoiling from

inevitable

crashing thunder

driving fisting sound

through insignificance

of shape

add a living shout

defiantly to churning

Maelstrom uncaring

trees lashing

rain smashing

light slashing

thunder deafening

soul trembling

on edged elation

so fearfully,

and joyously

breathing the storm

— Race_9togo, Jan 07, 2009

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: Earth Vicinity (within a five light-year radius), ZZC

Favorite Poets: John Donne, T.S. Eliot, Serendipity, Emily Dickenson, Kailashana, Charles Bukowski, Kabir, Rett, Dalton, W. B. Yeats, William Blake, Rainer Maria Rilke, and many other Neopoet poets; Neopoet has heavily influenced my poetry and my ability to write it well.

Critiques

Arrow

17 years 5 months ago

Vivid,

hypnotic, erotic. For the most part, I felt like I had an experience reading this poem, esp. w/this stanza: thunderheads pile blackly high on delicately crawling fingers stabbing downwards flashing blue bright hot with power unimagined stalking closer My only issue is the "instruction" lines, e.g., "breathe deep." For me, this make me conscious of myself which interfered with the experience. However, I suspect this is just me. I also can't stand landscape paintings with people in them for the same reason. Weird, I know. Great job!

Race_9togo

17 years 5 months ago

RE: Landscape paintings with people in them...

Neither can I! What's wrong with us? heehee It never occurred to be that those lines WERE instructions, until you pointed it out. I guess I was thinking about what I did when I cast my mind back to it, and so included them. I'm going to leave them in though, until I get more feedback on it. Thanks Arrow, glad you enjoyed it! Respectfully, Jim "Laws and rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" : Race

Race_9togo

17 years 5 months ago

breathing

It took me an hour driving home in the cold to realize that you're right. changed accordingly. thanks Arrow "Laws and rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" : Race

infinite_dwarf

17 years 5 months ago

Jim

I am in much agreement with Arrow, that one stanza blew me away as well. I didn't get the correlation of the heat shimmering from the sounds of the insects, though... seems like the line before it would be better matched with the insects. ~Jess K. ---------------------------------------------------- - "You can choose from phanthom fears, and kindness that can kill. I will choose a path that's clear; I will choose free will..." - Rush

Race_9togo

17 years 5 months ago

Jess

Sorry for the delay. It takes me a long time to get home from work. Especially when I'm this tired! I'm glad you like my effort so much. You're right about that correlation, of course. It doesn't fit there at all, so I moved it. Respectfully, Jim. P.S. Are you a Rush Freak too, like me? "Laws and rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" : Race

infinite_dwarf

17 years 5 months ago

Rush!

Not so much a freak, but I do have a keen appreciation of their music. No.. my cousin Brian is the Rush freak! I could never hold a candle to Alex Lifeson; my fingers don't move that fast!! What are your favorite tunes of theirs? I like the 2112 Temples of Syrinx, etc. Subdivisions, La Villa Strangiato, and, of course, Freewill! ~Jess K. ---------------------------------------------------- - "You can choose from phanthom fears, and kindness that can kill. I will choose a path that's clear; I will choose free will..." - Rush

Race_9togo

17 years 5 months ago

Rush!

In the constellation of Cygnus There lurks a mysterious, invisible force: The black hole of Cygnus, X-1... Six stars of the northern cross In mourning for their sister's loss In a final flash of glory Nevermore To grace The night... Cygnus-X1 is one of my favs. Freewill (of course!) Turn The Page (Hold Hour Fire), Manhattan Project (Power Windows), YYZ (Moving Pictures), Alien Shore (Counterparts), and the list goes on...and on! First heard them in 1974 (stoner party, Paisley, Scotland), first saw them in 1979 (Hemispheres concert, Chicago IL)...been a card-carrying Rush Freak ever since. Only rock band who never made music that I didn't like! Jim P.S. Geddy Lee: The Avatar Of Base Guitar! "Laws and rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" : Race

themoonman

17 years 5 months ago

Race...

breathing the storm in... and your poem! loved it... Richard

Race_9togo

17 years 5 months ago

Thanks Richard

Very glad you enjoyed it so Jim "Laws and rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" : Race

Jo Latimer

17 years 5 months ago

Hi Jim

Really enjoyed the build-up in this one. I love storms & experiencing them in this way is a favourite (erm...during summer, not winter for obvious reasons!). One tiny thing which got in the way of the flow for me: 3rd verse repeat of the word 'grey'. Otherwise, I delighted in the charge. Regards, Jo

Race_9togo

17 years 5 months ago

Grey

ARGH! Thought I took that out! It's gone. Thanks for pointing it out Jo. Glad you enjoyed my poem. Respectfully, Jim "Laws and rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" : Race

easylife_2

17 years 5 months ago

Really enjoyed reading this one Jim

I especially like poetry with very vivid imagery and that you have done so well here.Thank you for this one.

Race_9togo

17 years 5 months ago

Thank you easy

I'm happy that you enjoyed it so much! Yes, I love this kind of poetry too. Regards, Jim "Laws and rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" : Race

Debra Bryant

17 years 5 months ago

Jim

Well written! I really like the vividness of images that your words create Sincerely~ Debbie

Race_9togo

17 years 5 months ago

Thanks Debbie, glad you liked it!

Jim "Laws and rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" : Race