I Couldn't See Beyond The Mask

Great write I enjoyed this story. I don't think I could either, I would also have been sad being unable to see past the mask. Lol Respectfully Yours, Barbara

I have ran into that type situation and reacted in the same way only to feel shame afterward. Human nature is sometimes very hard to control. We look at someone disfigured and react to the visual. We see someone in a wheelchair and try to avoid them as if not there. It is sad. Some of my best conversations were with children and young adults confined to wheelchairs who were grateful I did not look away and didn't try to ignore the fact and asked right out, what happened. They have almost to the person had very fascinating minds and outlooks on life. Now that I am older and at times on crutches or unable to do things that were so easy in my youth, I have come to realize why most of them are angry at being ignored. Now, to business. I have a bit of a problem with the first stanza. I remember one day I ate at the cafeteria And a girl passed me by And a girl caught my eye I find the use of And followed by and on the next line to be distracting. It seems a bit redundant. If I may, I suggest a small change here as follows. I remember one day I ate at the cafeteria One girl passed me by And another caught my eye Also, a bit of the same in this stanza.. Was it sadness? Was it anger? Perhaps both? I could not tell I was sad perhaps.. Was it sadness? Or maybe anger? Perhaps both? I could not tell And was sad It is not a big change, but the two lines beginning with And just doesn't work for me. Also, the two lines with Was. You might try other ways of saying those lines as mine are only examples. Very thought provoking read. Respectfully, Rett: "Next time you think you're perfect, walk on water."

And a girl caught my eye (catching my eye)? The left a hideous, (gnarled) () mask of twisted bone --To me, this separation emphasizes the idea of the mask a little more-- That might have come from Picasso’s brush - I like this line. Francis Bacon, too. so ashamed (Shame)? --I don't know why but I feel like this should be a one word line, like a punch in the gut-- I had a milder but similar reaction when I met my sig. other, who was missing a limb. (Obviously, I got over it.) Why is the experience of beauty or its lack visceral? I don't know. Interesting poem. Well-written, as Rett said.