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Phoenix

Sinking slowly in the ashes of existence
And still you're rising like those feeble stars,
Your feather withers in a weak enigma
From all the flaming dust that dripped upon you,
A totem so sacred, so pure, so toil-worn...
Don't let them, with ardours, smother your steam.

Open your gate to the world, flap your wings
Across the oceans of filth, poison and sludge
All lying in your past, an undying gathering.
In you the galaxies break in with wonders,
They take a bow and humbly pay tribute
So you will leave your death behind, stillborn and pure.

Then, when they'll place you in your mould,
Knock the highest gate with crystal fingers,
Melt at sunrise like a flower does at sunset
For serene you are, a lightsome virgin
You'll spread bouquets of flowers from the early springs,
You'll wear a golden flame, and not a crown.
— Unlight, Jan 03, 2009

About This Poem

About the Author

Country/Region: Romania

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Critiques

ID

Ink Dragon

17 years 5 months ago

Please

do check for spelling mistakes again. Especially the title! As it was late when you posted this, I can understand how they crept in...And l.6 would be better without the "to", and is this supposed to be "knock" in l.14? If it is, "knocking" would be more appropriate here... Admiring yet again your imagery, oh poet of the rotten pillows, and advising you to try and get more sleep. (Look who´s talking!) a tired dragon
Unlight

Unlight

17 years 5 months ago

Nina,

Yes, this text had some spelling mistakes. Thank you for your attention. Cheers!
Unlight

Unlight

17 years 5 months ago

In line 14, “knock” is

In line 14, "knock" is the most appropriate version for the context. If you'll remove the phrase between those two commas, from line 13, you could read better: "Then knock the highest gate with crystal claws".
ID

Ink Dragon

17 years 5 months ago

Sorry,

was confused by the spelling, lack of sleep did not help, either. Now I see it the way it is supposed to read. Hope you´re going to dodge that insomnia from now on, ~N
ID

Ink Dragon

17 years 5 months ago

hey,

reads even better now! I just hope you did not stay up all night to work on it ;) I´d give you a sixth star on this one if I could. ~N
Unlight

Unlight

17 years 5 months ago

Nina, you cannot give me a

Nina, you cannot give me a sixth star, but your gesture please me more than some virtual marks. :) p.s. I did not stay up all night, I have worked on it a few hours ago. Cheers!
J

John_

17 years 5 months ago

unlight

unlight I enjoyed reading this poem.
ID

Ink Dragon

17 years 5 months ago

Congrats

on spotlight, oh poet of the rotten pillows! Have you been getting more sleep lately? If not, how about throwing the rotten pillows away? ~Nina