Finally Understood

what did you not understand!
when your anger bruised my flesh
with words that struck like fisted hand
what did you not understand?
of all you could have done, only this was banned
and now, except to leave, there's nothing left:
what did you not understand,
when your anger bruised my flesh?

— Race_9togo, Dec 30, 2008

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: Earth Vicinity (within a five light-year radius), ZZC

Favorite Poets: John Donne, T.S. Eliot, Serendipity, Emily Dickenson, Kailashana, Charles Bukowski, Kabir, Rett, Dalton, W. B. Yeats, William Blake, Rainer Maria Rilke, and many other Neopoet poets; Neopoet has heavily influenced my poetry and my ability to write it well.

Critiques

Robert Melliard

17 years 5 months ago

Anger

Anger often leaves bruises that can take a long time to heal and can seem almost physical, as you neatly express in your poem. Best Wishes, Robert.

Arrow

17 years 5 months ago

I don't think you're out of your league.

I thought the lines you picked to repeat were good choices and the rest were integrated well. I would only suggest some punctuation. I could read this in several ways, e.g., What did you not understand! When your anger bruised my flesh with words that struck like fisted hand, what did you not understand? or What did you not understand when your anger bruised my flesh with words that struck like fisted hand? What did you not understand? and so on. The fact that you can punctuate this differently and read it differently means to me you've been successful in choosing your lines. Also, since I am a triolet "cheater", I'd be inclined to change the refrain in the middle to: what YOU DID not understand, then, What did you not understand when your anger bruised my flesh- with words that struck like fisted hand! What you did not understand was of all you could have done, only this was banned . . . For me, the great number of permutations packed in this poem is what makes it wonderful. Good job. Thanks for trying one.

Race_9togo

17 years 5 months ago

Thanks arrow

I didn't know what direction to take it, in terms of punctuation, but you've put me on the right track now. I was sort of leaning towards just leaving it alone, and letting the reader sort out their own interpretation of it, but I think it IS better with the punctuation. "An armed populace is the last defense against tyrannical government": Race

Debra Bryant

17 years 5 months ago

Race,

I really like this. It really gets the message across. And I also liked reading the critiques that this piece inspired, very informative and I think that I can finally understand! (maybe there is hope for me after all) Sincerely; Debbie P.S. Maybe for a title..."Finally Understood"?

Race_9togo

17 years 5 months ago

Oh yeah....

"Finally Understood" does it exactly, that's the title I was looking for. Thanks! touching on the responses of others, all I can say is that if someone like Arrow criticizes what you write, its criticism well worth reading and thinking about. Glad you like it. Respectfully, Jim "An armed populace is the last defense against tyrannical government": Race

R.M.Shanmugam

17 years 5 months ago

good. woeven with a few

good. woeven with a few words selected to to convey a thought

Race_9togo

17 years 5 months ago

Thanks!

"An armed populace is the last defense against tyrannical government": Race

Janice Pearce

17 years 4 months ago

Finally Understood

Jim. Loved it! _____________________________ To write a touching poem, you must gently stir the soul, if it brings forth tears or smiles, then the story was beautifully told. ________Janice Pearce_________