Barbara Writes

Dec 27, 2008 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

The Winds

The winds
Sussurate beaches
Twirl sandstorms
Ascending like towers

The winds among trees
Autumn leaves giggle
Fall like snowflakes
Riding currents

The winds
Above torpid seas
Pull waters
To dusty shores

The winds
Shape waterfalls
With every surge
From below

— Barbara Writes, Dec 27, 2008

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: United States, USA

Favorite Poets: Billy Collins, Shakespeare, , Emily Dickinson, , , Whitman, Jess Tapper

Critiques

Robert Melliard

17 years 5 months ago

Fine poem

This is basically a fine poem which shows keen powers of observation and vast vocabulary (I only more or less understood 'sussurating' because 'susurrar' means whisper in Spanish). My only doubt is whether repetition of 'I am the wind' in all four stanzas may make the poem slightly (and only slightly) monotonous. Best wishes, Robert.

Barbara Writes

17 years 5 months ago

Robert

Thanks for commenting. How would you suggest i change the four stanza first line be worded? I probably won't change it, but would like to know what you would have done to make it less repetitious. Respectfully Yours, Barbara

Robert Melliard

17 years 5 months ago

Hi Barbara

You've put me on the spot with this question: perhaps something like 'I use my power' or 'I do my work' could fit in. By the way, I have just realized that you used the word 'susserating' in the first stanza, not 'sussurating', so my Spanish-style interpretation must be wrong. I'll have to use my dictionary on that one. Best Wishes, Robert. P.S. I have just seen Richard's comment below and like his suggestions better than mine.

Barbara Writes

17 years 5 months ago

Robert

Appreciate all your help. your suggestion are helping me see where i need to work on where i want my image to portray. Looking forward to your info on susserating Respectfully Yours, Barbara

Eduardo Cruz

17 years 5 months ago

Babara,

what an excellent write, you gave a personality to the wind and showed it's different sides, to me it is only a God who can be the wind. It reminded me of the bible when God put breath in Adams lungs, or when god split the red sea with a blast from his nostrils. For me the four times you started the stanzas with "I am the wind" is to show each ability as a different facet of its power to create change. thanks, Eddie

Barbara Writes

17 years 5 months ago

Eddie

Thanks for commenting. We can't be the wind, but can you see yourself as the wind in the poem? can you imagine yourself in this piece causing these changes when you giggle, smile, speak, walk, etc. creating changes here. Respectfully Yours, Barbara

Debra Bryant

17 years 5 months ago

Barbara

I really like your ability to create pictures with words! Giggling among trees! What else can make the leaves laugh, but the wind? Sincerely; Debbie

Barbara Writes

17 years 5 months ago

Debra

Thanks for grasping the thought here. You are the wind giggling making the leaves laugh. Can you feel the wind here? Respectfully Yours, Barbara

themoonman

17 years 5 months ago

Barbara...

a really good poem... liked it very much! I do think that Robert had a point here... and since you asked for a suggestion... I would leave the first one and the fourth one I am the wind and then the second one something like I am the artist and maybe something like I am the sculptress just a suggestion... and maybe a rethink of title too... Richard

Barbara Writes

17 years 5 months ago

Richard

Thanks for all your help. Your suggestion is always welcome. I have made changes hopefully it portrays a better image. I see that is where I am going wrong. What do you think? Respectfully Yours, Barbara

Robert Melliard

17 years 5 months ago

Hi again

I have read your updated version but I'm not sure if you have solved the repetition problem, because you repeat 'the winds' in the first line of each stanza. In my opinion it would be better to vary some of those first lines (but not all) - perhaps incorporating some of the suggestions made above by me or Richard or perhaps coming up with alternatives of your own. Best Wishes, Robert.

weirdelf

17 years 5 months ago

Love this, gorgeous imagery!

Susserate sussurate is one of my favourite words! It gently describes both image and sound. The repetition is fine. My only problem is with the last line. It repeats "The winds beneath rivers" and is a weak ending. Maybe not just the last line, maybe an extra verse needed. cheers, Jess

Barbara Writes

17 years 5 months ago

Jess

Since reading your gibbous moon it became mine also. I can still feel the moon susserating across the ocean calling me home. I changed the last line. I think this has more impact. Thanks for the suggestion. I like the repetition also I think it works good in this piece. I was trying to describe what the wind feels like almost like you word susserating. I can exactly feel the moon light across the ocean and as it speaks to my inner spirit. Respectfully Yours, Barbara

weirdelf

17 years 5 months ago

sussUrating

I can't believe you remembered that poem from so long ago! I am deeply touched. cheers, Jess

Barbara Writes

17 years 5 months ago

Jess

I will never forget it. It is my most favorite of your poems and my second favorite is A Poem of Love climbing to the top of that Australian mountain just in time to see the sunrise. My third is the one was, first now third, when you talk to the spider. (Conversation with a spider) then you challenge me to write one about a spider called cicadas so I thought was a spider, until I did research and realize it was a bird that slept seventeen years in the heart of the earth, come out mate, then die all in one day. That is when I new their was something special about you. Respectfully Yours, Barbara