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Ghastly British Food

In autumn we picked blackberries
and mum made jelly.

The sweet, rich smell
would fill our home for days.

The blackberries, once cooked,
were hung in a muslin bag
to catch the pips,
while their remaining  essence
dripped gently
into a waiting bowl.

That pure result, conserved,
was later spread on buttered toast,
and made long winters shorter.

On Sundays, lunch was called dinner
because it was big and special.

Mum would roast lamb, beef or pork
and each would be served
with its long-accustomed sauce
(mint, horseradish or apple) ,
three fresh vegetables
(not overcooked),
and thick, delicious gravy.

Mum spent Sunday mornings cooking.
She spent Saturday mornings  shopping;
those bags must have been heavy.

She was never paid overtime
for weekend work. In fact
she was never paid at all.

Quite recently, nostalgic,
I tried to imitate her roasts
(even Yorkshire pudding with the beef)   
for foreign friends who think
that English food is poor.

It wasn't easy.

You have to time the meat,
and the Yorkshire pudding,
and the veg and the gravy
so that every thing's hot
when it's finally served
(and mum couldn't cheat
by reheating things
in a microwave oven).

You have to know how long
your joint will take to cook,
depending on its weight,
and on temperatureyou use.

So (now) I understand
why she'd call us out of the garden
annoyingly, at one o'clock sharp,
and was angry if we lingered.

Mum never went to university,
but she knew what she knew well.

I haven't mentioned sweets:
the home-made apple pies,
the little mince pies
or lemon-meringue.

And I haven't mentioned teas
with little sandwiches
(the crusts cut off),
scones with jam and cream,
her chocolate cake,
or Scottish pancakes.

As an adult, I told her (once)
I had never eaten better
than when I was a child
(by then I'd lived in France and Spain
and been to Italy) :  
she was amazed,
because I'd never praised her  
in my younger years...

On weekdays, she provided curry
(a little British by adoption),
toad-in-the-hole, kedgeree,
grilled sausages with mashed potato
(not from a packet) ,
bubble-and-squeak,
shepherd's pie or fish pie
(both covered in mashed potato
 crispy on top from the oven)
macaroni with cheese and bacon,
grilled fish, tender steaks,
liver and onions,
brains, roes, or tongue,

For me, at least,
it was all heavenly,
(well, except for the mushy brains
and the squidgy tongue) .

I realize (now) that my dad
had to pay for all that.
He was an accountant
and worked in London
more than was good for him:
he died relatively young.

I realize (now) that I was privileged,
compared to so many others.

But when foreign friends tell me
(as they do)   
that English food is bad,
I simply laugh, and think
they were probably in London,
and ate hamburgers, hot-dogs,
pizzas or kebabs,
because real English food
is slow,  labour-intensive
(therefore unprofitable) ,
hard to locate,
and too expensive.

A few found a decent 'carvery'
and were pleasantly surprised...

I haven't even touched on Christmas
and the golden, basted turkey
with its chestnut stuffing,
sage-and-onion stuffing,
sausage-meat stuffing,
strips of crispy bacon,
chipolattas,
fresh vegetables again,
roast potatoes,
gravy, bread sauce,
cranberry sauce
(the only thing from a jar)
then Christmas pudding -
flambéed with brandy,
topped with a sprig of holly
and served with brandy-butter
and whipped cream.

Forty years on,
I still have high cholesterol.

Women don't have time these days,
(nor stressed-out men) 
to roast or bake such things:
both work away from home.

But at least my memory
will hold some bygone flavours
for a while....

And this poem?  Who knows?
The vast internet
may not be as ephemeral
as poets fear...
— Robert Melliard, Dec 25, 2008

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: Asturias, Spain

Favorite Poets: Chaucer, Shakespeare, Du Bellay, Metaphysicals, Petrarch, Dante, Baudelaire, Lorca, Becquer, Coleridge

More from this author

Critiques

Robert Melliard

Robert Melliard

17 years 5 months ago

Hey!

Hey, someone voted for me! But no one made a comment! This is a heartfelt poem about an important subject - how some of us fail to appreciate our relatives fully until they're dead... Best Wishes and a Merry Recovery From Christmas Excesses, Robert.
Robert Melliard

Robert Melliard

17 years 5 months ago

Another comment

If I post another comment people may think this is a great poem because it has attracted several comments. By the way, the second theme of the poem is British food, which is not as awful as most of the world believes. Shazbat, please support on this point! Best Wishes, Robert.
Robert Melliard

Robert Melliard

17 years 5 months ago

Are you asleep?

Of course, there is the possibility that your are all still asleep in other countries. In that case I forgive you for not commenting. Well, not yet... Merry Boxing Day (but please don't hit anyone, though it's O.K. to give them a box), Robert.
Robert Melliard

Robert Melliard

17 years 5 months ago

Another explanation

Another explanation for the lack of interest in my mother's cooking is that everyone may still be recovering from Christmas and therefore unable to think straight. This is definitely my case. I think all the wine and champagne has made me verbose. Sorry. Hope you had some nice presents, Robert.
Robert Melliard

Robert Melliard

17 years 5 months ago

Illegal?

Is it illegal to make so many comments on my own poem? Looking at the above drivel, perhaps it should be...
Robert Melliard

Robert Melliard

17 years 5 months ago

Nevertheless

Nevertheless it will be extremely interesting to see if my ploy works, and people start reading this poem. Come on guys, it's Christmas! Be charitable! Please give me a comment, even if you bury my poem for evermore with a snow-blizzard of negative feedback! Thanking you all in advance, Robert.
Robert Melliard

Robert Melliard

17 years 5 months ago

Updating

If I now update my poem, it will be presumably be seen a second time. I really believe it deserves another chance and some suggestions about possible improvements. It certainly isn't finished yet. Why not join in the creative activity? People are queuing up to make their comments now! Don't miss the boat! I apologize for abusing the system, if that is what I have managed to do, Robert.
Robert Melliard

Robert Melliard

17 years 5 months ago

Your memories

Please share your memories of your Mom's (as in American English) food, or the cooking of mothers all over the world! I hope you still have such gems in your minds! Tatty-bye, Robert.
Robert Melliard

Robert Melliard

17 years 5 months ago

Neopoet

I'm afraid I may have gone too far and will soon be in trouble with the Newpoet authorities, which is my last wish, because I LOVE this blog! Sorry if I made a slightly disparaging remark about hamburgers, hot-dogs, pizzas and kebabs. No offence was intended. Sorry if I have cheated by posting so many comments just to attract attention. As I live in Spain I have probably been affected by the Picaresque tradition here, which encourages people to be a little tricky... Wake Up, Wake Up, Wherever You Are, Robert.
Rett

Rett

17 years 5 months ago

*LOL* Robert

Just like American, Mexican, French and whatever food, some is good, some is not. What is good is dang good, say Beef Wellington etc.. I had a British daughter-in-law that wasn't a very good cook, but she made some things that were good. One of the things I remember as a difference between here and there though was toast. She was fixing toast one day and I noticed she took it out of the toaster and set it aside for a bit before she would serve it. I asked why and she said, "A person doesn't serve toast hot!" All I could say is, 'Oh!" I like my toast still warm with butter and jelly. Now, to the poem, I enjoyed it. My mom was a fine cook although she was a country cook. Cornbread(unsweetened, hate sweet cornbread), chicken fried steak or smothered steak with onions, or roast beef, pork, greens and other assorted veggies. Usually they were baked, boiled or fried. I miss her cooking. The only thing she couldn't cook was a good steak, mainly because she never had any. You could give her a Porterhouse and she would cook it until it tasted like liver. Yuk! Sometimes you don't appreciate what mom did til later in life. Good write my friend. Respectfully, Rett: "Each man is good in the sight of the Great Spirit.." (Sitting Bull)
Robert Melliard

Robert Melliard

17 years 5 months ago

Many thanks Rett

You seem to have broken the taboo about British food on this blog. I felt as if no one wanted to know the truth. Unfortunately there are few British men or women left with my mother's know-how. Your mum (or Mom) seems to have done well too. Best Wishes and thanks again, Robert.
Rett

Rett

17 years 5 months ago

And you were worried

and now in the spotlight...Congrats my friend! Respectfully, Rett: "Each man is good in the sight of the Great Spirit.." (Sitting Bull)
Robert Melliard

Robert Melliard

17 years 5 months ago

Fame

Many thanks for your congratulations, Rett. I feel as if I have suddenly become famous! It's great to know that my poem is the first one people will see when they click on 'stream' - well, at least for a while. I hope I didn't cheat too much by making so many comments on my own poem. That was just for a bit of fun, really, and a kind of experiment, too, to see what would happen. Your first comment started the ball rolling. Best Wishes, Robert.
Barbara Writes

Barbara Writes

17 years 5 months ago

Robert

I voted, but i got tired, it was too long for me to finish. what i did read was good. Respectfully Yours, Barbara
Robert Melliard

Robert Melliard

17 years 5 months ago

Thanks

Thanks for your comment and for voting. This poem is probably too long and needs honing down. I wrote it just the other day. I usually write shorter poems because I think they make more of an impact, but this time so many memories came back to me that I felt I had to get them down on paper. Best Wishes, Robert.
shazbat

shazbat

17 years 5 months ago

Robert, my mother was an

Robert, my mother was an army chef during the war and her cooking was strictly english and extremely good too, my girlfriend is also an extremely good cook and cooks everything from scratch using only fresh ingredients, it annoys me when people run down traditional english food, when its cooked well it is every bit as good as anything else. This brought back memories of my childhood in rural essex, regards John
Robert Melliard

Robert Melliard

17 years 5 months ago

Thanks John

I'm glad this one brought back memories for you. Perhaps it rambles on a bit, so I have to keep working on it, but the message is there somewhere. It sounds as if your mother's food was great too, and your partner carries on that tradition. What a difference it makes to the quality of life to have a good cook in the house! In our young days, of course, this painstaking work was almost always done by girls. At university I had to survive on rice,eggs and spaghetti because I didn't know how to cook anything else. But at least I've learnt to do a reasonable British-style curry over the years. Best Wishes, Robert.
themoonman

themoonman

17 years 5 months ago

Robert...

I saw all of the comments and thought... that must be one-hell-uv-a-poem... lol... enjoyed your poem about "mom's cooking" and I am still smiling about it... but I have to disagree, my grandmother was undoubtedly the best cook in the whole universe... she made biscuits every day and worked third shift at the cotton mill... My first wife was an English girl, she used to make something called, shepherds pie... loved it... Richard
Robert Melliard

Robert Melliard

17 years 5 months ago

Shepherd's pie

Thanks for your feedback. I'll have to include shepherd's pie in this poem because my mum used to cook that too, along with fish pie, both covered in delicious mashed potato. Another detail I remember now is how we would dig up new potatoes and she would boil them, skins and all, and then we'd eat them with chopped chives and melted butter. Out of this world! Here in Spain potatoes are almost always fried, whereas in Britain we used to eat them boiled, baked or roasted, too. I have no doubt that your grandmother's biscuits were divine. But when we're kids I guess everything seems tastier... Best wishes, Robert.
infinite_dwarf

infinite_dwarf

17 years 5 months ago

Mmmmmmmm!

Great, now I'm hungry.... thanks a lot! Awesome tribute to food, my friend. C'mon, who would argue with a honey biscuit smothered in clotted cream and strawberry jam? Y'all make some mega tasty food out there across the pond! You and Richard are BOTH wrong: My mother and mother in-law are the best cooks on the planet.... my full happy belly doesn't lie! :~) ~Jess K. ---------------------------------------------------- - "If we always give what we have always given, we will always get what we have always got..." - Mike R.
Robert Melliard

Robert Melliard

17 years 5 months ago

Two cooks

So you have TWO cooks working for you! Do you pay them? I very much doubt it. I suggest you ask them to teach you their recipes while they're still around. I'm glad this poem made you hungry. Here in Spain they say that 'appetite is the best sauce'. When we go hiking in the mountains near our home on Sundays, we finish up sitting on a rock, eating a simple picnic which we wouldn't change for 'nouvelle cuisine' because we're so wonderfully hungry by then - and of course we have a better view than in any restaurant. Please give my regards to you mother and mother-in-law, who sound terrific. Best wishes, Robert. P.S. I tasted home-made brownies while I was in the U.S. and they were orgasmic, especially with coffee.
P

poewriter58

17 years 5 months ago

Robert

I haven't eaten as yet today , and if I didn't have an appetite before I have one now. Very nostalgic writing , I think that is what makes the food taste better , whomeber prepared it has to be someones mother. I see I was just paid a compliment by my offspring . Thanks Jess. Nicely written poem , you have some wonderful memories preserved here. P.S. I have given infinite some of my secrets. Chrys
Robert Melliard

Robert Melliard

17 years 5 months ago

Nostalgic writing

Hi Chrys. Thanks for commenting. A main element of our happiness as adults may be good memories of our childhood. I often write nostalgically about that time. There is also the fact that so much food is now fast, convenience food - T.V. dinners and so on. I am lucky to have a wife who cooks a lot of old-style Spanish dishes which are great. But in this poem I felt I had to stand up for mum and much-maligned British cuisine. I'm curious to know if Jean-Louis Bouzou, who is French and therefore probably an expert cook, will give me his opinion on this one, but he may decide it's more tactful to say nothing. I' glad you are passing on the recipes to your daughter. Best Wishes, Robert.
B

barbsdad2003

17 years 5 months ago

I think ...

we ought to establish a category something like Foodstuff Poetry. What you've written here shows a loving hand. Which of course makes the food parts all the more delicious. I esp. like when you insert the aside "(now)" periodically. It so fits. As I've said at least once before, "If we grow old without regrets, we haven't lived." Which'd be the only explanation, I think, for "no regrets." My mother was an awful cook. And I was too quick to point it out to her. It wasn't till she was around 70 years old that when I commented on the fried eggs she'd cooked for me being not very good ... and she cried ... that I realized that what I said mattered to her more than I'd priorly thought. ------ She was killed two years later. On the operating table ... for cataract surgery. The anesthesiologist gave her too much; it took her several days to die. A horrible, horrible, agonizing death. ------ It's such a pleasure to read/savor this piece. I'll have to come back to it later for a revisit. It certainly merits that. As an aside to site people who want/need help for their writing(s): Pay close attention to this piece. It's a model---and a good one---for appropriate word usage, with a top-notch vocabulary ably utilized, with apt punctuation use/placement scattered throughout, with parentheticals placed just right. English as she's meant. Thanx, Chuck
Robert Melliard

Robert Melliard

17 years 5 months ago

Hi Chuck, and many, many thanks

You have thoroughly flattered me with this comment and few of us are averse to flattery. I'm very sorry to hear about your mother's tragic death. Those mistakes that doctors or hospital staff sometimes make seem so avoidable, yet as a medical friend of mine once told me, statistics are right in the end, and someone is the unlucky one-in-a-hundred-thousand patient who makes them true. My brother took his life eight years ago, an hour after driving me to Gatwick airport. I had spent four days trying to cheer him up, and that still hurts me sometimes. I wrote a lot of poems about him. Every family seems to have at least one tragedy in its past. As for the punctuation, I had a little tuition from the editor/publisher of my only book of poems, who was obsessed with semi-colons, colons and so on. The truth is that they can help to give a longer pause than just a line-ending where necessary. The brackets, on the other hand, are something I have worked on by myself over the years. I think they help me to get closer to the reader sometimes, as if I were sharing a little secret. Bsat Wishes, Robert.
ID

Ink Dragon

17 years 5 months ago

Robert,

rest assured that I had been meaning to comment on this one for some time, but my Christmas duties did not spare me much time... I love English food, and have often cooked it myself, but as you say, it is very time-consuming. I cook curry a lot these days, but unfortunately I am the only one in my family who loves it. Also, I used to cook in a Cornish Pub (it was a student job), so I have done a lot of the things you mention, like fish pie. Once, an English customer complimented my steak as the best he had ever had on the continent, and I was so flattered! I love this little reminiscent rant of yours, ID
Robert Melliard

Robert Melliard

17 years 5 months ago

Ink Dragon

Thanks for your comment and for some reminiscences of your own. It's quite surprising that anyone from continental Europe should appreciate British food, because it has such a bad reputation abroad that few people actually try it. I hope this poem is neither too 'little' nor too much of a 'rant', although I admit it does go on a bit. One reader told me she fell asleep before the end (or perhaps that was in the economic crisis poem, which also rambles on), but how could I encompass all the glories of my mother's food in a 'quicky'? I cook curry too, by the way, like you, and I'm trying to save up enough cash to go to India one day to eat the real thing. Best Wishes, Robert.
ID

Ink Dragon

17 years 5 months ago

Robert,

"Rant" was not negative here, in a way the length of the poem blends perfectly with the time it takes to cook delicious food. Concerning the continental people who don´t like "British" food: they´re most of the time thinking of fish and chips with vinegar, because they do not know of any other British food. (By the way, I quite liked fish and chips with vinegar, but then I do not think that vinegar is an abomination, like my father for instance...) Cheers, ID
Robert Melliard

Robert Melliard

17 years 5 months ago

Thanks

Thanks for clarifying your use of 'rant' because that word can sometimes give the impression that one is a little bonkers (or nuts, bananas etc.) as in the expression 'to rant and rave'. I'm glad you liked fish and chips. Here in Spain some people seem to think we wrap it directly in newspaper, and I have to explain that it comes in a grease-proof bag and that the newspaper is only a cheap insulator to keep it hot while you carry it home and a way of re-cycling something that would otherwise be thrown away, such as papers that are left unsold. Personally I prefer fish pie, as you (and also my daughters) seem to do.The only way one can understand a country really well is by living there, and we can't live in all the different nations of the world, even in a whole lifetime. Perhaps that's why there is so much prejudice and ignorance (twin brothers) regarding other cultures. Best Wishes, Robert.