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Debra Bryant
Debra Bryant
Dec 21, 2008 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Silent Reflections

Alone ,no one is here
silence a deafening crescendo
darkness descending 
a crushing oppression
memories clamoring for attention.

What's past is past
not worth the tension.
How do I go on?
There is no forgetfulness sea
memories still haunt me.

Nightmares rob my slumber
night noises frighten
fears paralyze
skeletons won’t stay put.

Tears overwhelm relentlessly,
innocence now lost
trust was betrayed.

Healing sought and finally found
in meditation
silent reflection with God.

Alone no more, just  God and I.

— Debra Bryant, Dec 21, 2008

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: Kentucky, USA

Favorite Poets: A few of my favorites., Dylan Thomas, Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night, Robert Frost, The Road Not Taken, Maya Angelou, Phenomenal Woman, Emily Dickinson, There Is Another Sky , Elizabeth Barrett Browning, How Do I Love Thee? Let Me Count The Ways, Shel Silverstein, Where The Sidewalk Ends, Edgar Allen Poe, A Dream Within a Dream, Margaret Atwood, Night Poem

More from this author

Critiques

weirdelf

weirdelf

17 years 5 months ago

I hear your angst,

I don't hear any accountability. God won't save you from yourself. This could really do with some editing, it could be said so much more punchy, and less like a victimised rant. cheers, Jess "They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety" Benjamin Franklin.
Debra Bryant

Debra Bryant

17 years 5 months ago

Alone

Thank you weirdelf. This flowed so quickly out of me, seems like only moments and it was done. I did change one line...next to the last. This is my fourth effort at writting poetry which I admit to knowing very little about. Any constructive suggestions for improvement would be appreciated. Sincerely; Debbie
weirdelf

weirdelf

17 years 5 months ago

honestly I could give you some tips on poetry,

but foremost I think the content is the problem. Accountability. cheers, Jess "A poet's work: to name the unnameable, to point at frauds, to take sides, start arguments, shape the world and stop it going to sleep." Salman Rushdie
Debra Bryant

Debra Bryant

17 years 5 months ago

Jess,

I know that you are trying to help and believe me,I appreciate it more than you can possibly know. I admit that I don't know much about poetry or what to change to make this piece more (punchy) I believe is the word you used. Exactly how would you change it if you were the author? Content? Accountability? What do you mean? Help! Sincerely; Debbie
weirdelf

weirdelf

17 years 5 months ago

send me a Private Message

on or about the 2nd January, gonna be really caught up with stuff till then. Then I will work with you more closely on this. Help often requires as much attention and creativity as composition. OK? cheers, Jess "A poet's work: to name the unnameable, to point at frauds, to take sides, start arguments, shape the world and stop it going to sleep." Salman Rushdie
MK

miss kristale

17 years 5 months ago

you are not alone i really

you are not alone i really fell for this piece cause i know the feeling...i have just started writing also and i dont really know the whole form thing but i really think you couldnt of said it better...oh and thanks for the encouraging words
Debra Bryant

Debra Bryant

17 years 5 months ago

Jess,

I will be more than happy for a chance to you learn from you...I want to learn all I can! Sincerely; Debbie P.S. Congrats on nomination! I did not vote as I really did not know anyone very well. So sorry. Debbie :-( P.S.S. At the risk of sounding totally inept...I don't know how to contact you privately? Sorry; Debbie
B

blistered-pen

17 years 5 months ago

hello!

if you haven't figured out how to send a PM yet, visit Jess' profile and next to his picture it should say "message this member". a belated welcome to the site.
weirdelf

weirdelf

17 years 5 months ago

ok, take to it with a scalpel.

"Poetry is ruthless elimination of the inessential." Check the "me" count. That is probably the easiest thing to make this work better. The constant repetition of me makes it sound self-indulgent and self-pitying and takes away from what rapport the reader may feel. Also way too many rhetorical or pleading questions, this is a device to be used sparingly at best. I'm going to do something very, very naughty that I almost never do. Edit it myself, most ruthlessly. No one is here. Silence, a deafening crescendo. Darkness, a crushing oppression. Memories, clamoring for attention. Don’t think about the past. But how? There is no forgetfulness sea, they still stalk me. Nightmares rob my slumber, night noises frighten . Fears envelop, Tears overwhelm relentlessly. Innocence is lost, trust betrayed Healing finally finds me, in meditation with God. Just me and God, no longer alone. Now I know I've gone too far, but honestly, how much has been lost? cheers, Jess "Who are you writing for?"
ID

Ink Dragon

17 years 5 months ago

Debbie,

you have written some very strong lines there again. I feel that much of this strength is lost in your punctuation (some commas are superfluous). Would you consider taking all the commas away in your draft, just as an experiment, and read it aloud? Then you could see more easily where a comma would be appropriate. I trust you will be able to do it on your own, you have it in you! Ink P.S. Please correct the spelling of "innocence".
Debra Bryant

Debra Bryant

17 years 5 months ago

Ink

Thank you very much...I appreciate your comments and also have corrected misspelling of innocence...a typo and I didn't proof read well enough. I can't thank you enough for your vote of confidence! You are very inspiring to me! Sincerely~ Debbie
ID

Ink Dragon

17 years 5 months ago

Debbie

looks perfect now! Go on like this, Ink
P

poewriter58

17 years 5 months ago

Debra

Jess has the perfect solution to this poem the only thing I would add is give that title a look you want something that is going to catch your readers attention Then your first two lines should hold them and make them read on. Jess nailed it so I'm not going to be redundant Chrys
Debra Bryant

Debra Bryant

17 years 5 months ago

Hi Chrys,

I really do appreciate your help, and everyone who has given me pointers. I did try a different title...let me know what you think. Sincerely~ Debbie
weirdelf

weirdelf

17 years 5 months ago

oh yes! the worst thing you could have done is lost yourself

it's important to listen to critical feedback, more important to retain your voice. We all struggle with this all the time, although admittedly the sheer volume of critical feedback reduces with time and growth. You have weathered a poetic storm with dignity and integrity. cheers, Jess
Debra Bryant

Debra Bryant

17 years 5 months ago

Jess

Yipeeee! Thank you so much Jess! I do have a voice and I want it to be heard! You have be so helpful...you just don't know! Chrys has accepted me, and for that I am grateful. You are wonderful!~ Debbie
Rett

Rett

17 years 5 months ago

I have to agree with Jess (mark it on the calendar)

You have weathered a storm of feedback right now and have done well. Chrys is also right on the first two lines. Most people will blow on past if the first two lines doesn't grab their attention. I find the poem very intriguing and it did grab my attention. Good job. Respectfully, Rett: "When all is said and done, Shut up and relax!" Rett
Debra Bryant

Debra Bryant

17 years 5 months ago

Rett,

Thank you also...I really do appreciate your feedback! And I noticed in dashboard that I now have 6 votes... I am thrilled! Little things mean a lot! Sincerely~ Debbie
Debra Bryant

Debra Bryant

17 years 5 months ago

Jess,

I have you and others to thank for that...the spotlight...we shall see. Sincerely~ Debbie
Rett

Rett

17 years 5 months ago

I second that

We will be seeing you in spotlight soon. Respectfully, Rett: "When all is said and done, Shut up and relax!" Rett
Debra Bryant

Debra Bryant

17 years 5 months ago

Rett,

Thank you for all of your help and encouragement, it goes a long way! As for the spotlight...I don't know, I can only hope! Sincerely~ Debbie
P

poewriter58

17 years 5 months ago

Debbie

Third verse-----I would suggest eliminate that "me" as you have already eluded to the "me" earlier Just God and I if you want to get nit picky lol Nice changes Good title Chrys
Race_9togo

Race_9togo

17 years 5 months ago

Hi Debra...

what a beautiful poem. I wish that I had read the original though, so I could see how this developed from the criticism it brought forth; it'd probably do me good too! And yes, with poetry like this, I think that you will grab the spotlight, by and by. Sincerely, Jim
Debra Bryant

Debra Bryant

17 years 5 months ago

Hey Jim,

The unedited version was titled "Alone" and read like this; Alone, all by myself, no one else, no one here. Silence, all around me, a deafening crescendo in my ears. Darkness, descending, it's weight a crushing oppresion. Memories, tumbling, pushing, clamoring for attention. Don't think about it, it is past, forget about it, not worth the tension. Why won't it let me be? Why can't I wall it up? Close the door? Why won't it go away? Don't want to think about it anymore! Cast in to the forgetfulness sea, why do they still stalk me? Nightmares, rob my slumber, night noises frighten me. Fears, envelope me, smother me, paralyze me. Skeletons, in my closet, won't stay put, terorize me. Tears, overwhelm me, sweep over me, engulf me. Innocence, lost from me, forever changed, never the same. Trust, betrayed, distrust now the name of the game. Healing, a soothing balm to a wounded soul, a battered spirit, a broken heart. Meditation, silent reflections, whispered prayers to God a start. Alone, all by myself, no one else, no one here but me and God. So...that is the original version. What do you think? Sincerely~ Debbie
Race_9togo

Race_9togo

17 years 5 months ago

Thanks Debbie

What I think is that weirdelf is correct - Rett, I had to laugh at that calendar thing - although I do not think that the content was the main problem, just how it was presented in the original. You can see how much more focused the work is after editing, and how changing the meter and adding structure in the form of stanzas or verses sharpened the message, the imagery and the emotional content of the original. Interesting, that weirdelf took the time to edit it himself, and also, the sheer volume of criticism you received for this piece; both speak volumes about the potential of your original poem, and the potential that others here, including myself, see in you. And yes, you'll definitely find less criticism of your work as you post more of it. I have the distinct feeling that, for you, this isn't going to take too long at all! The title change is a big improvement, much more memorable. Loved that last line, too. It hit home deeply, for me. Respectfully, Jim "Laws and rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" : Race
P

poewriter58

17 years 5 months ago

Debbie

See That lol Chrys
Debra Bryant

Debra Bryant

17 years 5 months ago

Jim,

Thank you, for comparing these versions. I have to say, that while I liked the original version very much, (and still do, it was 100% me at a very vunerable time and cutting it up felt like cutting myself up) that weirdelf's suggestions for improvement were right on. I have always thought of poetry as a form of self expression and as that, the original was my voice. As you can see I am "torn" to a certain degree and still unsure of myself...so thanks for the vote of confidence. Sincerely~ Debbie
Race_9togo

Race_9togo

17 years 5 months ago

you are most welcome

Yes, its hard to change what comes from the soul, I understand. The trick, for me, is to always remember that I'm writing to elicit the emotions that I'm feeling when I write a piece from my readers too, whatever that emotion may be. And its much easier to do this at the beginning with the objective and critical eye of others peering over your shoulder. I laughed when you said that you liked the original. I do too, and I keep all of my own originals as well, because on a personal level I enjoy them, just for myself! Sincerely, Jim "Laws and rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" : Race
Bonitaj

Bonitaj

17 years ago

silent reflections

Hi! I just stumbled across your poem now and it really drew my attention. I have just been working on similar issues in all of my last week's writing and it mirrored a lot of stuff for me! (incl. meditation) Let the others critque all they want to - I found it astonishingly sincere and uncontrived! Good luck for further success! Bonitaj
Debra Bryant

Debra Bryant

17 years ago

Bonitaj,

Thanks so much for your comments...it did get quite a few comments when I first put it out there, and I had to rework it several times. The critiquing from others is helpful (most of the time.) Sincerely~ Debbie