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till the portal to the past is opened

yesterday,in yesterday we leave the driping sword,
vengeful of war blood out from its scabbard
that seems to be attoined by tumult today
but who dare say
that retaliation recommends for yesterdays attrocities
it only wages war on times strand
and time is but a poignant deceiver

today,today we forgo the sins of the past
screaming beneath its lungs for a hearing
inorder to mend the crooked fences of yesterday
but we leave it broken
for nothing brings to justice yesterdays crimes
by wronging the ones who have wronged
in the end pays for nothing
— emeka ozurumba, Dec 19, 2008

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: Nigeria , abuja

Favorite Poets: christopher okigbo, wole soyinka, gabriel okara , odiah ofeimun- john keats, p.b shelley

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Critiques

Jonathan Moore

Jonathan Moore

17 years 4 months ago

Good vision in general

But I have a couple of questions and suggestions: First I believe a spacing issue might help the narration. Secondly, watch spelling and word choice. Here's what I mean: ---------------------- yesterday, in yesterday we leave the dri[p]ping sword, vengeful of war blood out from its scabbard that seems to be [anointed/atoned?] by tumult today but who dare say that retaliation recommends for yesterdays atrocities it only wages war on time[']s strand and time is but a poignant deceiver today, today we forgo the sins of the past screaming beneath its lungs for a hearing in order to mend the crooked fences of yesterday but we leave it broken for nothing brings to justice yesterday[']s crimes by wronging the ones who have wronged in the end pays for nothing -------------------------- I like the general flow and structure and the modifications I've detailed are designed to make the poem easier for the reader and to fix spelling/punctuation issues. But, in all, a good job. --Jonathan Annoying the world, one person at a time (Group discounts available)