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...Of morose muses

Teach me, my beloved, how to spill wax on your eyelids
for I shall stop you from seeing this universe,
from kissing the monsters of the fake words
around gardens and desolated booths,
because, today, taciturnity waits among ruddy foils
the fantoms which retrieve themselves abandoned.


You didn't change that dirty and ragged raiment,
the colours are still in vain
and a web hides your soul,
imbued by remorses and timeless burning.


The sky is clear in this autumnal day...
only a few clouds flow from space,
when our star falls, burnt by the apathy
that lies deeply within us, until death will overcome it.


26.09.2007
— Unlight, Dec 17, 2008

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Country/Region: Romania

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Ink Dragon

17 years 5 months ago

Unlight

I love the imagery in this one. But imagery is always a strong point with you. Some minor inconsistencies that may need editing, at least to my way of thinking, were: l.2&3 stop you from seeing& from kissing, l.5 taciturnity (instead of "a taciturn"), l.6 which retrieve themselves, l.13 when our star falls Of course, these are just my suggestions, feel free to take what seems right to you, Ink
Proprietress of Crimson Hearts

Proprietress o…

17 years 5 months ago

wow...

very strong poem! I have to agree with Ink on the imagery. especially: "and a web hides your soul" such a powerful description! Unlight, thank you for this piece, it was a pleasure to read. respectfully, Proprietress