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T

Demons Conquered

in the depths of the valley
where you stand all alone
the angels are there to rally
you are not on your own.

between the drops of tears
your demons do dance
to the rhythm of your fears
they will take their chance.

you say the fight is within
but see who's around
look back where you've been
angels have covered the ground.

the mirror's reflection
is the demons you see
its only a collection
of what you don't want to be.

listen to the singing,
battle crys can be heard
the angels are gathering
and all have conferred

your demons may seem ready
but they really have no clue
your angels will fight steady
they are not giving up on you.

the battle may be long and bloody
with casualties on both sides
all will be tired and muddy
but the angels will take the strides.

the demons will finally retreat
with their tails tightly between their thighs
they will be humiliated by defeat
on the breeze you can hear their sighs

when the duel is over and the dust settles,
the valley will be peaceful once more
there will be sunbeams on the petals
i'll be there holding open the door.

                     Written by Tink  12/10/08 

— Tink, Dec 11, 2008

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: Pennsylvania, USA

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Critiques

ID

Ink Dragon

17 years 6 months ago

What do you think about

"when finally the demons will retreat/with their tails clamped tightly between their thighs/they will be humiliated by defeat/on the breeze you can hear their sighs" for the last but one stanza. This did not flow smoothly enough, I think. As to your requests, I don´t have a clue, apart from something with "last stand" for the title. Is that too obvious? Were you looking for something more original? And what exactly is your problem with the last two verses? Please let us know more. With poetic regards, ID
P

prayersbyPatty

17 years 6 months ago

Tink

Great poem, nice theme. You are right on. When we are in the valley it is called the valley of tears or the Valley of Bucus. We move from there to the mountain top and back down again as we grow. Not sure this helps out for a title or not. Nice read, Patty
T

Tink

17 years 5 months ago

Thanks Patty

This has become an ongoing series with the intent of giving hope to a dear friend in her battle with cancer. Thank you for taking the time to read and thoughts for a title. I hope you like the one I chose. Live, Laugh and Love (and don't forget to write) Tink
MK

Mason King

17 years 6 months ago

Nice Poem Tink, how about

Nice Poem Tink, how about 'Vally of the Angels' for a title? M
T

Tink

17 years 5 months ago

Mason,

Thank you for the thought of the title. I thought about "Valley of the Angels" but really wanted something with more impact to the outcome of the poem. I'm glad you liked it. Thank you for stopping by. Live, Laugh and Love (and don't forget to write) Tink
Rett

Rett

17 years 6 months ago

Gotcha a title I think

"The Valley of Good and Evil" Great write and wonderful read tink! I enjoyed it tremendously. A couple of grammatical errors I caught.(must have been one of the demons) battle crys can be heard(crys=cries) with their tales between their legs(tales=tails) Well done my friend! Respectfully, Rett: "The people of America must really like idiots, look at EVERYONE in Washington." Rett
T

Tink

17 years 5 months ago

Thanks Rett,

Thanks for catching the errors, I didn't like that stanza anyway. Ink Dragon helped me work it through. I thought about the title you suggested, but really wanted one that draws the outcome of the poem to the forefront. I'm glad you enjoyed this one. Thank you! Live, Laugh and Love (and don't forget to write) Tink
L

Lonnie

17 years 6 months ago

Awesome, Tink!

Nice, tight construction, and great word usage! How about Valley Of The Angels for a title? Just a suggestion! Great job!
T

Tink

17 years 5 months ago

Thanks Lonnie

I'm really glad you liked this one. I did consider your choice of title, but wanted more of an impact, draw "them" in type of title, especially with this poem being an important poem in the series. Live, Laugh and Love (and don't forget to write) Tink
ID

Ink Dragon

17 years 5 months ago

You´ve found your title!

I like it a lot. Are you still unsatisfied with your last two lines? If you are, can you please explain what exactly it is that does not seem to fit for you? Because I like them, the only change I would take into consideraton in the last stanza would be an adjective for "dust", because this line is a little too short...Otherwise, I don´t think there´s anything amiss. Glad you changed the "begs" into "sighs", I am honoured that you obviously liked my suggestions. Regards, ID
T

Tink

17 years 5 months ago

ID,

I really liked your suggestion, I changed it a little, and think it fits much better. thank you. I like your idea of expanding the line with dust. let me give it some thought. i'm okay with the rest, i think. i just wasn't so sure about the last line with "me" holding the open the door, but it fits for the on-going theme. thank you much for your help with this one. i appreciate your time and thoughts. i wanted to make sure that you read my answer to your question on "just like a soccer ball". seriously, if you need an ear, mine is always near by. Live, Laugh and Love (and don't forget to write) Tink
ID

Ink Dragon

17 years 5 months ago

Thank you, Tink,

I did read your comment. I really appreciate your offer. Maybe I will tell you some of my troubles I describe in my current rush of poems one day, when our new friendship has taken root. Those troubles, however, are almost seven years old. It hurt a lot to face them again at first, but now I´m sort of okay. Glad I could help you out a little with this poem, which is really coming along splendidly. Regards, ID
Linda Moses

Linda Moses

17 years 5 months ago

Tink

I like this one, and see nothing wrong. You are holding open the gate to Heaven after satan has been defeated. If we could for just one moment have our eyes "opened", we would see the battle your described. It is real. YOu have some good suggestions for a title, but "Battle Cry" came to my mind
T

Tink

17 years 5 months ago

thank you linda

I thought of "battle cry", actually, but i wanted something with more impact to the poem's outcome. This seems to have become an on-going series now. "Battleground" being the first, "Angled Wings" and now "Demons Conquered" there will be more i'm sure, this "series" is for a dear friend of mine battling brain cancer. Live, Laugh and Love (and don't forget to write) Tink
weirdelf

weirdelf

17 years 5 months ago

You have responded well to feedback here,

although crys cries is still there. your demons do dance bothers me a little, "do" used to make the meter is a tad awkward. A sound write and you friend must feel empowered by your love and care. cheers, Jess "They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety" Benjamin Franklin.