the Consequences (adult theme and content)

Part I, silent but Screaming, Part II, the Aftermath, Part III, the Consequences

a nondescript brick building two hours from homeno lines to cross, no shouts, no signsjust silenceregret for her mistakesthe weight of her decisionready to crash to the ground, splintering,a mosaic of self-wrought tragedy a room oppressed with dread, blame, denial, sorrow, hatepresences fused only by purpose, hope left at the door it was routine – check in here tell me a little about your situationname date of birth how far along are you $350 pleasedo you need a receipt for your taxes it’s deductible as medicalwhat the fuck is she saying to me?someone will call your name to another waiting roomwarmer, more tranquil, intended to evoke contemplationthey mean well they just don’t know a counselor behind a cherry desk offered optionsas if options exist once it has come to this once they understood they would be no savior this day,it was white walls and cold floors, the point of no returnherded with others in a small, dim rooma door only opened when names were called, one by onethey disappeared into a light she could not consider,facing it meant it was real, tangible, irrevocable a nurse with a kind voice and explanationtoo many details, her mind numb with guiltdrowning everything but the ceiling, white squares in patternsone, two, three ... just count, count, countthe nurse gently holding her hand, making her hate herself morescream at me, berate me, I don’t deserve your kindnesstwenty, twenty-one, twenty-it was overshe was sick with its simplicity then there was Recoveryso many rooms, so many steps, all for less than two minutesrockers and recliners covered with blanketsshe was so cold, so cold,led to a rocking chair with an afghan,brightly colored, garish in this scene,  but it was warmshe pictured her grandmother crochetingthe one on her bed at home, away from this placeas nausea fell upon her like a cloud, thick and rich and cloying an amber bottle of white pills placed in her handdirections to take one when there was pain,oh there aren’t enough in that bottle there will be cramping,your body will punish youwas what she heard and I deserve it