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Prayer

fighting magenta waves
of solar flare turning
my eyes radioactive green
flicker of serpents tongue
teasing denim blue mass
peeling back the layers
fluffing the soft curl as
our static moves the stale air
I watch the rise and drown
in the fall of all we are

— theladyblue, Dec 09, 2008

About This Poem

About the Author

Country/Region: USA

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Critiques

ID

Ink Dragon

17 years 6 months ago

The way you play with the colours

is original and I like it very much. Your last two lines are really strong, there is that contrast again... Minor stumbling on my part in ll.4&5, though. Might I suggest to add an apostrophe to the "serpents" and maybe find an alternative for "mass"? With all due respect, ID
theladyblue

theladyblue

17 years 6 months ago

ID

i actually considered serpents being apostrophized in the writing process but decided that the punctuation muddled up the clean and understated flow i was going for. and as for an alternative for mass...well lets just say mass is an alternative for something not so...lady like lol I do very much appreciate your feedback on all of my work as of late!!! I tend to either be just unimpressive enough or just okay enough that i do not typically get very much feedback. so again it is much appreciated!!! <3 Emarie @~~~~~~~@~~~~~~~@~~~~~~~@~~~~~~~@~~~~~~~@~~~~~~~@~~~~~~~@~~~~~~~@~~~~~~~@~~~~~~~@ "Tempted by your Tainted Love I sure do love the way you come inside my crystal ball..." Buckcherry 'Next to You'
S

Stella

17 years 6 months ago

hi there Don’t know if my

hi there Don't know if my interpretation of this poem is the right one -not sure I should say ; ) - but what I make of it I really really like Love the use of adjectives here, v strong, a build up ~ Stella
theladyblue

theladyblue

17 years 6 months ago

ummm...well...

i would say you are on the right track lol...in one sense but this piece, as so many of my others, has morphed before me. my initial intent is still the inspiration but upon rereading about 50 times it has become so much more in so many ways...I do appreciate your feedback as well!!! Thank you sooooo much!!! <3 Emarie @~~~~~~~@~~~~~~~@~~~~~~~@~~~~~~~@~~~~~~~@~~~~~~~@~~~~~~~@~~~~~~~@~~~~~~~@~~~~~~~@ "Tempted by your Tainted Love I sure do love the way you come inside my crystal ball..." Buckcherry 'Next to You'
JL

Jo Latimer

17 years 6 months ago

Interesting mingling...

of the very sensual with the title. Quite fascinating - would love to hear the inspiration behind that. The strong colours definitely add to what I can only describe as the understated explicitness of the piece :) Jo
theladyblue

theladyblue

17 years 6 months ago

i bet you would lol

well thank you so much!!! i do actually challenge myself to create pieces that contain just that...understated explicitness! I do appreciate your time!!! thanks so much for reading! <3 Emarie @~~~~~~~@~~~~~~~@~~~~~~~@~~~~~~~@~~~~~~~@~~~~~~~@~~~~~~~@~~~~~~~@~~~~~~~@~~~~~~~@ "Tempted by your Tainted Love I sure do love the way you come inside my crystal ball..." Buckcherry 'Next to You'
O

orgami

17 years 5 months ago

just me

per usual I greatly admire the vast way you craft poetic device with hints around the wry naiveties of known bets and as others exclaim their "fan" status I would just like to state here that I am one of yours now thank you
theladyblue

theladyblue

17 years 5 months ago

*bows*

I can not begin to tell you how incredibly flattered i am...a compliment as such from you is nothing if not a treasure... <3 Emarie @~~~~~~~@~~~~~~~@~~~~~~~@~~~~~~~@~~~~~~~@~~~~~~~@~~~~~~~@~~~~~~~@~~~~~~~@~~~~~~~@ "Tempted by your Tainted Love I sure do love the way you come inside my crystal ball..." Buckcherry 'Next to You'