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DawningDaytripper
DawningDaytripper
Nov 25, 2008 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Let thing's be.....


Sweet and seductive are the attachment’s that I hold dear.
 Heavy upon my heart falls the many stray whims I fail to fear.
 
I continue to  pour in more energy with my destructive desire.
 As I slowly burn my conscience  upon the flames of the pyre.
 
Wicked are the quandaries I can create on my own,
 that cut me deep and straight through to the bone.
 
My excuse’s just add up, while life still goes on all around.
 Only ever wanting to pick my tired feet up off the ground.
 
The right decisions are much easier said than done,
 Knowing that in this whole wide world, I am only but one.
 
Trapped in a thick shell of guilt that I let hold me down,
 Knowing the truthful answer’s have already all been found.
 
I should choose today to give it all up and turn the page.
 To not be  like a gilded bird upon a perch within my cage.
 
So I search for the want to fuel my soul and make more of my life.
 To add extra meaning and purpose to my role as a mother and wife. 
 
One day soon I will feel and know the truth to set my self free,
 To fly on the winds of chance no more, and learn to just let things be….
 
 
  written 11/25/08
 
— DawningDaytripper, Nov 25, 2008

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: Robe valley, WA, USA

Favorite Poets: All of them, for differant reasons. Neopoet poets have influenced me the most over the last 2 plus years. Great teachers. Edgar Allen Poe, Dickens, way to many to list...

More from this author

Critiques

Rett

Rett

17 years 6 months ago

Julie, wonderful write!

Please take this with a grain of salt and understand I am only making suggestions and showing you a possible way you could edit this fine work. There is nothing intrinsically wrong with it, just to me, a little bloated with unnecessary words. You can do with less words and achieve the same or sometimes stronger meaning. This is just an example and nothing more. It is a critique and not a criticism. A suggestion and not a law. *LOL* I enjoyed this read. Lots of meaning in it. Well done! Sweet and seductive the attachment’s held dear, heavy on my heart the whims I fail to fear. I pour energy into destructive desire. Slowly burning my conscience on the flaming pyre. Wicked the quandaries I create on my own, that cut deep and straight to the bone. My excuses add up while life goes on all around, Never wanting to pick my feet off the ground. Right decisions are easier said than done, Knowing in this whole world I am only one. Trapped in thick guilt that holds me down, Knowing the answer’s already been found. I should choose today to give up and turn the page. Not be like a gilded bird on a perch in my cage. So I search to fuel my soul and my life. For meaning and purpose as mother and wife. Soon I will know the truth and be free, To fly winds of chance and let things be…. Respectfully, Rett: "A man convinced against his will, is of the same mind still" Unknown
Rett

Rett

17 years 6 months ago

Julie, I quite understand

Life can get so blasted complicated and the constant demands sometime virtually overwhelm a person. The last few months haven't been the greatest in the world either. Above all, be yourself and write the way you are most comfortable. Neither I nor anyone else can write what you yourself feel and that is the MOST important thing of all. I've been doing this for 43 years now so am a bit more used to it. *G* Yeah, I'm an old coot! Hang in there my friend. I won't say life gets better or easier, but somehow we all manage to make it. It is those hardships that define us all. Without them we would not be the person we are. May you and your have a happy Thanksgiving and may your days be better. I, for one, am enriched by knowing you if only through this medium. Be well! Respectfully, Rett: "A man convinced against his will, is of the same mind still" Unknown
themoonman

themoonman

17 years 6 months ago

Hi Dawning...

this is really a great write... I have to agree with Rett on the un-needed words in it though... I see that it was done for meter... the song-like flow..... but it does make for a stronger poem with less words... that doesn't make sense when you think about it... a writer using less words... but it is true... You have the gift of writing... glad you are here with us... Richard
Rett

Rett

17 years 6 months ago

*chuckle*

With my wife, there is never a solution, only the problem, but she claims I am too simplistic. *LOL* Respectfully, Rett: "A man convinced against his will, is of the same mind still" Unknown
Janice Pearce

Janice Pearce

17 years 6 months ago

Let things be

Julie, Some great suggestions here by Rett. Not trying to change your writing, but make it better~ "Less is more" a nicely written piece. with some tweaking it can be fabulous~ _____________________________ To write a touching poem, you must gently stir the soul, if it brings forth tears or smiles, then the story was beautifully told. ________Janice Pearce_________