We took an old boat out

One day we took an old boat out,
a friend and I, with setbacks one expects
from non-seafaring men.
It took us hours to fit the outboard motor,
remember how it worked
and start it up.

Then, brought close by grief
(his wife had died, as had my brother),
we crossed a wide firth
to a quaint port
with gaily-painted boats.

We ate mussels at the only bar;
drank fruity wine - were overcharged,
as happens in summer.

But we'll remember our adventure:
the bobbing boats; the sunlight;
children fishing from a raft;
or how, while coming back,
we saw a dolphin,
and thought how our lost loved ones
would have loved such things.

— Robert Melliard, Nov 24, 2008

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: Asturias, Spain

Favorite Poets: Chaucer, Shakespeare, Du Bellay, Metaphysicals, Petrarch, Dante, Baudelaire, Lorca, Becquer, Coleridge

Critiques

Jonathan Moore

17 years 6 months ago

Good flow and imagery

Robert, I enjoyed the ride in this piece and the non-angst based reflection that speaks to the melancholy state of memories without descending into pity. Overall, I believe the flow was solid and only once did I feel jarred by a word choice. For the most part the poem led me by the hand through the story and the resolution struck the right tone as this is not a life changing piece and thus should not end more grandly than it deserves. Rather it is a "take a breath, exhale, move on" snapshot of loss and reflection and memories that bring a smile and a tear. I enjoyed it. Now, as for the one area that jarred me: ----------------------------- Then, brought close by grief (his wife had died, as had my brother), we crossed a wide firth to a quaint port with gaily-painted boats. ----------------------------- In the last line, "boats" does not feel right or smooth. In the first line of the poem it fits as a aid in introduction. Here it is too bland, especially in the context of: we crossed a wide firth to a quaint port with gaily painted boats "Firth" and "quaint" are fuller and older words that do not mix well in this context with "boats." My suggestions would be "craft" as it opens the line to a broader scope. Re-cast, the stanza would be: ----------------------------- Then, brought close by grief (his wife had died, as had my brother), we crossed a wide firth to a quaint port with gaily-painted craft. ----------------------------- My suggestion only, of course. You, as the poet, must make the decision as to what works best and most clearly forwards your vision. --Jonathan Annoying the world, one person at a time (Group discounts available)

Robert Melliard

17 years 6 months ago

We took an old boat out

Thanks for your comments. I'm glad you liked the poem and appreciated its flow. I need a little time to think about whether to change 'boats' to 'craft'. You seem to have tuned in to the sad memories behind the poem. Thanks again.

Jonathan Moore

17 years 6 months ago

Got Your Note Robert -

And wanted to let you know that there had been some issues with the site over the last week or so but that Andrew got those resolved around the 29th of November. I see you've posted more of your work and I am looking forward to reading it. --Jonathan Annoying the world, one person at a time (Group discounts available)

Mark

17 years 6 months ago

This is very pleasant

An enjoyable read and a bit sad as well. I can relate to the sadness and the old boat. Man thinks this.

Robert Melliard

17 years 6 months ago

Sadness

Hi Mark, Perhaps the reason you could enjoy a sad poem was that sadness is sometimes bitter-sweet, above all when we remember a lost loved one. On that boat trip I felt as if I were appreciating the beauty of the scene for my dead brother as well as for myself. Glad you liked the poem. Thanks for your comment, Robert.