Nilmini

Nov 20, 2008 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

It’s All Your Fault!

Fond Secret,you've come out of the blue to fill my heart with sheer bliss. My heart that used to be prick & prim, thanks to you, skips a beat every now & then.

— Nilmini, Nov 20, 2008

About This Poem

About the Author

Country/Region: LKA

Critiques

Wafi

17 years 6 months ago

And Thanks

and thanks to you too, Nilmini, for sharing such a beautiful piece with us. Really enjoyed it. Wafi

barbsdad2003

17 years 6 months ago

the You've in this context uncapitalized. Seems more consistent with the way the rest of it goes. I'd also remove the period after the blue. Then slip the period (don't want to waste it, after all) in immediately following bliss. The indirection is a plus. Prick and prim I've not seen before. Smartly phrased, that. Yours again, Chuck PS: Not sure I like the title. Seems a little distant and to limit a wider range of meaning/import available. An improved heading escapes me at this moment. Word choices/language use not bad at all.

Nilmini

17 years 6 months ago

Thank You both

I'm so glad Wafi & Chuck, that you've enjoyed this & I'm happy that I've shared my feelings with you. I don't know what happened to me. I am ashamed of my clumsiness in posting this with so many stupid errors. I will correct them immediately. Thank you so much Chuck for helping me & can I bother you further by asking you to suggest me a better title? I was really unsure about this title but since I couldn't post it without one, I just settled for it. I'd really appreciate if you could assist me in this, too. Best regards & may you both have wonderful days ahead! Nilmini

barbsdad2003

17 years 6 months ago

How about ...

Oh My Heart! or Lightened Heart or A Thank-You Note or Change of Heart or (in a more humorous vein) It's All Your Fault! or Should I Call for an Ambulance? All in good fun. Thanx again, Chuck

Nilmini

17 years 6 months ago

It’s All Your Fault!

I like this title out of all you've suggested. It's ideal as it's all his fault. :-)) I'm going to change it immediately. Thank you soooooooooooo much, Chuck. Have a nice Day, Nilmini

weirdelf

17 years 6 months ago

Hey Nilmini, love this piece

Hey Nilmini, love this piece and glad you took Chucks advice (it's always worth listening to). The only two cents worth I would add is that I don't like the use of & rather than and, however that is my aesthetic, perhaps not yours. cheers, Jess

Nilmini

17 years 6 months ago

&.............

Thanks Jess, I was hoping that you'd comment. I used '&' between the words 'Prick' and 'Prim', and in 'every now & then' because they should be taken as a phrase and not individually. But I'll keep in my mind that you dislike '&' and try to avoid it the next time. :-) Cheers! Nilmini

Michael Landau

17 years 6 months ago

I really like this poem !

I have one small suggestion, do you think it would sound better if the second to last line were changed to "skips a beat" instead of "skips the beat"? Other than that small change, it is a very lovely poem! Sincerely, Michael PS. It just occurred to me that my suggestion may be a difference between American English and British English, if that is the case, then of course pay no attention to it.

Nilmini

17 years 6 months ago

Thanks Michael,

I think your suggestion is perfect & will do the change immediately. I always appreciate your assistance to improve my self immensely. Cheers, Nilmini

Rett

17 years 2 months ago

Nilmini

It looks like everyone else has already voiced their opinion on this and the only nitpick I would have is the & instead of and. *LOL* aesthetic as Jess said. This is a beautiful write and I enjoyed it a lot. Respectfully, Rett: "Next time you think you're perfect, walk on water." "A Democracy can withstand anything but Democrats." Robert A. Heinlein

Nilmini

17 years 2 months ago

Thanks Rett

Thank you so much for liking this and telling so. It seems that all are against poor &. :-)) Then tell me please, the instances where one could use '&' instead of'and'. Although I have explained why I've used & in this poem, I'm always willing to improve myself, when explained in such a way that I would understand. Thanks again, Nilmini

Rett

17 years 2 months ago

Nilmini

The & (ampersand) is fine being used in correspondence and stuff, but it tends to detract in poetry as do using numbers instead of writing them out (IE: 9 instead of nine). It isn't intrinsically wrong with it, it just looks lazy. Does that explain it well enough? I still think it is a fine write and thoroughly enjoyable. Respectfully, Rett: "Next time you think you're perfect, walk on water." "A Democracy can withstand anything but Democrats." Robert A. Heinlein

Wafi

17 years 2 months ago

Nilmini

Nilmini, happy to see you back, after a long time. Sincerely, Wafi