A Loving Sin

you portray here well. As far as it goes. Seems incomplete somehow. I read an earlier write of yours and understand the connection between the two, that one/this one. May I suggest a couple things that might contribute balance as to line length(s). As to: My head spins Want to shut my mind, perhaps make it My head, it spins I want to shut my mind (Or: I want to close my mind) The overall brevity's a plus. The apparent subtle confusion extant in the piece is consistent with the self-questioning subject matter. Another plus. Although at this time I don't want to offer more, I think a revisit by you, in terms of some amount of tweaking, might strengthen ... Perhaps a note of indirection may help, as in to hint. To state boldly often weakens a poem; whereas to walk around the subject, allude to it, color it with metaphor/simile ... all can make it stronger, more potent. Another problem encountered with this kind of subject matter is that it's so well trod through history. It's hard to compete with so many who've priorly written on the same or similar subject(s)/quandary(ies). Regards, Chuck

A very well written and clearly portraying.And a difficult situation to handle. Enjoyed it.Thanks for sharing. Wafi

The rhyming is very good in the first two stanzas, but in the last stanza I don't really feel like time rhymes that well with mind. I was thinking maybe you could change the last stanza to say the following: Is it a sin to love two in these times? My head spins and my heart resigns I know that you probably won't like it because it considerably changes the meaning of the last stanza, but I thought I would suggest it to see what you thought about it. I'm not good with technical details, I just write what sounds good to me. If you don't like my suggestion, I completely understand. Sincerely, Michael