Icy Black

Good use of language, rhythmic flow, and full of subdued passion! What more could one as for? Kudos!

This is achingly sweet and sad. So much said in so few words. It makes you feel sorry for the rose. I'm not sure about the title as you don't need rose colored glasses to see the beauty--maybe New Shade of Sorrow. I did so like it, though. Yours, Donna

(good song!) I liked the line about yelling whispers simply because it made no sense. Really liked this one! ~Jess K. ---------------------------------------------------- -"When I was strong, strong in the sound thought I'd see when day was done. Now I'm weaker than the palest blue Oh so weak in this need for you" - Nick Drake

And I found the language use and flow to be exceedingly well done. Sorry I have not commented as much as usual lately, between the hurricane, vertigo and now the flu I have also been trying to get the unread poems down to manageable size. Finally got it down to half a page and trying to catch up on my friends writings now. Sheesh, you'd think I have been away 6 months or more. This place is growing fast! Excellent job Janice. I couldn't find anything to criticize even though I tried. *G* Respectfully, Rett: "Life is like a beach. Salty, gritty, somewhat fishy and at other times, downright crabby" Rett: 2008

Beautiful Janice. Leonard

I loved this poem! How the heck did I miss this? such beauty sadly does not always last. The scope of this poem goes beyond all limits A slow fade turns white to black and it pools on the floor no longer a jade. I love the diversity of your poetry!!!!! Patty

and think it has a lot of symbolic meaning. That said, there are a few things that might need a second look. One is your use of periods. In one instance, you seem to be punctuating a phrase (lines 1-4). In another, a complete sentence doesn't have a period (9-10). Then, it seems the next line would need either a capital letter or the previous line would need to end with a semi-colon. I think you could also use a few more commas if you're going to punctuate. Second is: Avoiding the thorns that shed indignation a warm droplet falls as it pierces my flesh. If I'm reading it correctly, i.e., the thorns pierce your flesh, should it be "as they pierce my flesh" or "as one pierces my flesh"? Also, "the petal’s warm hues" --> "the petals' warm hues"? I'm not sure. I haven't had grammar in a long time. Finally, I wonder if this line: "mirrored in crystal vase" might work better without the word "vase". Good work!

Janice so nice work. Really loved it . felt i lost something unknown in my heart. "Arrow" told me about you and i find that you really know how to reveal what one feels, in words. Wafi

Hi Janice - I'm a little late to comment & I do believe everything has already been said above... but I would also like to add how much I enjoyed this one. I love it when a poet can use simple language to convey beautiful, strong imagery & you've done it masterfully. Thanks! Jo

choices've improved so astonishingly markedly in recent times ... well, it's downright gratifying. But ... Wait a minute! What's the matter with me that I find fault so nitpickingly?! Forget it. Sorry I said the last three lines. I've never liked buts much anyway. Yours, Chuck PS: Couldn't help myself after all (sorry): Your "lay" here needs fixin': to "lie."

I've been so busy that I haven't read so much, but I"m glad to have read yours. I always look forward to your posting. Now to the point. you see how your colors were mixed with your grays in perfect balance. I don't believe you were having trouble with your grays. I think that sometimes our random thoughts flow into our head with such force that they confuse us. That"s when we have to go with them, and create beautiful poetry like you have create here. I don't know if you have read Emily Dickinson, if not please do. You will see how she used her grays so well in a mixture of colors. Thanks, Eddie PS. I love your work ----------------------------------- Emily B. Dickinson 1914 To pile like thunder to it's close then crumble grand away While Everything created hid This - would be Poetry -

Congrats on the spotlight.... well deserved.........All the changes and it is now more Awesome (and I had to congregate Awesome) Never to old to learn a new trick. I can feel the thorn prick my finger and the drop of blood fall to the ground to shed my indignation. Wow is all I can say! Best line, yelling its whispers on my neck, but really ALL of them. Patty

Kudos my friend. This is awesome! Respectfully, Rett: "Did you ever notice that the politicians who want to ban gun ownership are the very ones that should be shot anyway?" Rett: 2008

congrats on the spotlight, well deserved! "if while I'm drunk I write a poem, is that a Haiku?