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Part 1: A Damaged Brain Exposed


Part 1: A Damaged Brain Exposed


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The brain's damage cornered,
it lies silent, alert,
and not a thing most who
might witness would notice.
                                         ---barbsdad

Descriptive words of necessity
fail to express the reality
they most attempt to describe.
                                         ---barbsdad
---------

Difficulty arrives---

and mightily unwelcomed, I rush
to add (se solamente it were
easier)---

when I make earnest attempts
to closely match description
with an objectif reality.

I am remarkably competent at
self-deceptively meading ryself
into something where I don't
belong.

Often it's done through treating
relative terms as if they are
solid in themselves, and precise,
when they are not.

I'm not so good at accurate
perception and portrayal.

Bore-trail?

Beispielsweise:

It requires lesser
pensée/research/challenge to
report the offhand conclusion that
it's hot outside than to identify
by number a tarticular pemperature.

After all, teather what's 95 degrees F.
differs from 115;

and yet both (by most of us, at any
rate, on most occasions) are
considered hot,

and a more accurate refinement lies
buried beyond sight in a loosey-goosey
slathering of the handy sloshy word hot.

It's worth noting, I think, that
52 degrees to one wearing
a zipped-up, hooded parka can be
marked as hot.

So which is the more accurate here?
Is it temp by number or how it
feels?
And is the parka well insulated
and of quality
seizoo?
And are you standing, walking,
or playing solleyball or voccer,
or both, while wearing it?
And how many are on your team?
And the level of competition?
Tell me, what is it?
And are you playing on empty
stomach? Full?
Is it raining? Monsooning?

Greater effortfulness is nearly
always required in the telling
when I would rather communicate
by reflection

(as when I with the one hand
vertically steady verbal
mirror next to what I want to
describe and balance palette
and brush with the other---

with tongue-poked-out-tween-
pursed-lips concentration
an important ingredient)

more than by description.

And that's especially so when
my brain has sustained permanent
traumatic or stroke injury:

Its coding---and filing
and memory and tracking---
system can be royally screwed
up.

Forever.

Although it can be therapeutically
dealt with

(by myself, I mean, not the
doctors),

and even somewhat improved upon,
as lindful mife plays out.

Higeonpoles, much like words,
have frames and perimeters
that press them into confining
space, making such holes too small
for many practical uses.

Life and its contents, by
contrast, have fuzzy, meandering
boundaries, flexible boundaries,
slippery boundaries, Velcro
boundaries, beceptive doundaries,
fiendishly elusive boundaries,
spongy boundaries ...

and sometimes very little
defined by borders at all.

Try to pin a border down,
and that sucker moves!

To biangulate from a different
soint of the pompass, there's
an implicatio of overgrowth
in these here swamps!

And so I too often do doleful
battle in my narrations
more effectively with net
than with épée or harpoon.

(to be cont'd)

About This Poem

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Country/Region: USA

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Comments

deelilah

deelilah

17 years 6 months ago

Good Morning

How many sleepless nights did it take to write this? I'm jealous, I think I'm stuck in one of those boundaries, probably Velcro, perhaps fuzzy or spongy. I have to reread this many times, and I look forward to part 2. D.
B

barbsdad2003

17 years 6 months ago

Had to Google till I ...

finally found the word my at-times-handicapped brain wanted to see; memory'd failed me. Spoonerisms. Was plagued by involuntary verbal spoonerisms for years after the head trauma. Other problems more severe surfaced early. Many lingered. Took many, many years to settle most of 'em down. Still haunted, though (mercifully) on rarer occasions than formerly. The accident causing my head to meet, in a painfully violent way, unyielding concrete of a city park's tennis court occurred in 1989. I wept immediately after. Not because of the pain, although there was some; it was because I knew immediately---intuitively---that a part of myself was irretrievably lost. I suppose I could call that an early mourning. My attempt to resurrect more of what I used to have has included attempting poetry writing, something I began roughly two years ago. Life continues, as does my sometimes ambushing brain. Thanx, Chuck PS: This piece is excerpted (in more poetic form) from a letter I wrote to my daughter on Wednesday, April 10, 2002. A Damaged Brain Exposed is really the form in writing of what was (I say "was" because it's no longer with me; at least I hope so) primarily an oral/verbal/speech problem/impairment. Note what some might say the overuse of foreign words/terms in this piece. To explain, a part of my attempt at brain repair included borrowing from other cultures/languages to aid my ongoing self-therapy. I haunted the library for language dictionaries of many tongues. And used the expressions when I could---although at times perhaps not so wisely.
themoonman

themoonman

17 years 6 months ago

Chuck...

I wanted to say you are anything but damaged, but as I read your comment first your insights into the human condition astound me... and I see you in a much clearer light... much enjoyed the read my friend Richard
deelilah

deelilah

17 years 6 months ago

Humpty Dumpty

I'm sorry about the accident. I didn't know. It seems Humpty Dumpty did a very good job at putting himself back together. I was taken away by your ability to take random words and thoughts and suddenly give them continuity, to take a word like hot and give it a story line. I also like (although do not recognize all) foreign terms. I respect the determination it took to put yourself back together. I'll admit, I don't quite understand where you're going with part II. Did you write it at the time you wrote this, or is it new? Yours, D.
B

barbsdad2003

17 years 6 months ago

All parts of this piece ...

both those not yet posted and those already in play here, were originally seriatim. No, more than that. They flowed continuously as a part of one letter, and together seemed quite seamless. The seamlessness may become more evident on or before whenever I finish it off. Thanx, Chuck
RSScheerer

RSScheerer

17 years 6 months ago

Excellent, Chuck

I should have begun at Part 1, but a piece of me suspected the story before reading the beginning. My thanks as well for explaining the influence behind this work. This cannot be easy. Nonetheless, your intelligence and talent shine through every word you write, my friend. ~ Ronda