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LC
Lenny of Cohen
Oct 17, 2008 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Star Man Take Man

star man from beyond
what we see with
our physical eyes
take me far from this place
and erase me of my trace
I am you and you me
we are spiritual family
star man I am from beyond
what they can see with their own eyes
they think I'm a madman without hope
but we both know the truth of our hearts
and will be free of their soul less rituals
and united with the great spirits within the Sun

(c)2008 Lenny Gazbowski

— Lenny of Cohen, Oct 17, 2008

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Country/Region: GBR

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Critiques

RSScheerer

RSScheerer

17 years 7 months ago

Hello, Lenny

Good to see you again! I've been slack in commenting around the site lately, so it was a pleasant surprise to find you beneath the unread pile. A lovely way to bring myself back into the loop. Despite my natural aversion to rhyme, I like this piece. The words appear simple, but their meaning runs deep along a path in the universe. Nice writing, appealing word usage. The only thing I might note would be "soul less" ... to make the meaning clear, a hyphen brings the word together as "soul-less" Best, ~ Ronda
RSScheerer

RSScheerer

17 years 7 months ago

technical hiccup?

my comment posted twice, for some crazy reason.... this one edited for clarification either that or I was just really, really excited to read your work again, Lenny! My best once again, ~ Ronda