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barbsdad2003
Oct 18, 2008 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

pardon me, but ...


pardon me, but ...

as to physiogno-
my,
all throughout eterni-
ty
there will never ever
be---
not one of you will ever
see---
another gyascutus
me

---------

gyascutus -- (guy-ess-
cute-ess) n. a huge,
imaginary, four-legged
beast with legs on one
side longer than on
the other, enabling it
to walk easily on
sharply steep hillsides

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Country/Region: USA

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Comments

Rett

Rett

17 years 6 months ago

Dang, when I read this

I could have sworn you read Piers Anthony and he is a strange man. *LOL* Don't forget, according to which legs are the shorter, they can only go clockwise or counter clockwise so if you get behind them, you're safe. I enjoyed this chuck, masterfully done sir! Respectfully, Rett: "We can all be thankful that Picasso wasn't a plastic surgeon." Rett
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barbsdad2003

17 years 6 months ago

Thanx

I guess I should've specified that due to a particular side (don't know whether right or left) of shorter limbs, they walk only clockwise---or counterclockwise---and can't turn around to reverse direction without, somewhat like a turtle landing upside down, finding themselves on side or back kicking futilely at the air. I notice that when I stand to their rears, I have to keep moving. Otherwise they soon reach around the hill to teeth (or if they're old, to gum) my butt. The one-way knowledge/enlightenment does give advantage to possible prey that can intelligently calculate the odds. It is also important, of course, to consider timing in the equation. And run like hell as warranted---i.e., stay on their rears. Otherwise just go up or down the hill. They do have problems with that. But remember to avoid running into one of them on your arduous way to peak ... or valley. (And remember to take your heart medication before daring to walk among them.) Thanx again, Chuck PS: I do like to play in the land of Odds. Why else would I own a pet duck named Buster? And one so damnably cute at that.
Janice Pearce

Janice Pearce

17 years 6 months ago

Chuck

Got my daily laugh for today, thank you sir~ LMAO! "There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you." Will Rogers
infinite_dwarf

infinite_dwarf

17 years 6 months ago

LOL

Sorry, Chuck, I can't picture you with disproportionate limbs climbing up a hillside. Although, if you DO manage to grow out one side of you, do oblige me with photographic amusement, will you? An entertaining write. ~Jess K. ---------------------------------------------------- -"It is better to be thought of a fool, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt..." - Mark Twain
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rider68

17 years 6 months ago

Nicely Done

Smiling.....love the humour, Best regards. To you Chuck... Peter ~~~"I am not afraid of tomorrow, for I have seen yesterday, and I love today."~~~
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barbsdad2003

17 years 6 months ago

Thanx all

I do enjoy that word. You know, the one about the cute guy. It's unfortunate, though, that I can't use it in normal conversation without explanation. And by then the humor's forever lost its teeth---false or otherwise. Yours, Chuck
Kailashana

Kailashana

17 years 6 months ago

laughing my arse off, are

laughing my arse off, are you sure you aren't a lovable hairy monkey (with huge sunglasses) walking sideways? wait a minute.... got my images all mixed up. I hate when that happens. ;-) ~A
deelilah

deelilah

17 years 6 months ago

Things that walk on sharply steep hillsides:

Is it possible that being from Michigan, you've never encountered a John Deere combine designed for the wheat and barley fields in Washington state? There are farms there where the flashing red out of level light never stops blinking. Your poem made me smile--and produced instant images of these mechanical monsters creeping around hills with maybe a 15% grade. Guessing here, but you can't drive a truck up them. Thanks for the happy memories.
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barbsdad2003

17 years 6 months ago

As a matter of fact ...

I spent the bulk of my adolescence in Arlington, Oregon---wheat country. And I mean the Arlington pre-John Day dam. And I've seen many a combine, green, red, or otherwise, gobbling up grains of waving yellowed fields. My first "real" job was to cull/pull rye up by the roots from amongst tall stalks (with heads) of near-harvestable wheat in their places. It was hot, dusty work. Not fun. I spent a lot of time out there in the miserable sun being thirsty. It was in a wheat farmer's field, too, that I was first attacked---unprovoked---by a dog. I'd up to that point assumed that dogs were reasonable creatures. That one wasn't. The farmer didn't believe me, a mere 16-year-old. And shame on him. And the dog, a short-haired control freak. I resolved never to let happen such an event again. And I haven't. Thanx, Chuck PS: I also lived for more than a few years in Seattle. I have a number of relatives living in the Spokane area. So I'm quite familiar with the geography, the topography ... and the farmography/ranchography.
deelilah

deelilah

17 years 6 months ago

What took you to MI?

I hope I didn't offend you. I lived in White Pigeon, MI (sw corner) for the past 5 years, recently returned to Spokane. I'm in love with the images in the Midwest, twisted cornstalks, bent under their payload. Did the combine image fit your gyastucus? D.
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barbsdad2003

17 years 6 months ago

Of course no offense

I saw none intended. And none received. You gave me the opening/opportunity/window for bragging on my more rural past. Good job! on your part with the combine-crawling-around-a-hill similarity. Much appreciated here. I married a MI native. When my Seattle business failed due to partner mischief/shenanigans, I took a chance and moved to MI, where my wife had many contacts at hand for a startover. Been sorry ever since. That is, about living in MI. But she likes it here. Which astonishes me. She's otherwise very (very!) intelligent. Thanx, Chuck PS: Altho I prefer the wetter part of the state, congratulations on your move to Spokane. I've a cousin with family living there. Also many more distant cousins just near and across the Washington border from Priest River, Idaho. Such beautiful country! Incredible to me how much I miss those mountain majesties.