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NM
Nature Mithya
Oct 12, 2008 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

The Vampires

Vampires!


— Nature Mithya, Oct 12, 2008

About This Poem

About the Author

Country/Region: india

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Critiques

R

rider68

17 years 8 months ago

Hi Nature and Welcome

Hi and welcome again. I've read your post my friend but to be honest i struggled the over use of "vampires"...and moreso....in the 5th stanza the use of "boobs" belittled the writing and the writer, not to say that the word isn't to be used, But just not in this instant, May i suggest........changing to something like.. There, I feel my self growing within her, Mounting, floating, to her sweet wishes call. Quenching my thirst, I suckled to her breast. Her juices, supplanting mine with her’s. Just my opinion.....but it reads and flows better......But Please see what others think....... Best regards.Peter ~~~"I am not afraid of tomorrow, for I have seen yesterday, and I love today."~~~
NM

Nature Mithya

17 years 7 months ago

Thanks for the suggestions.

Before I explain I will tell you an incident which affects my writing. Once I told a Dutchman our Indian Curry as well as the food is lovely. He replied your potato, tomato's, peas etc etc., all taste the same full of spices. Taste a boiled potato raw, feel its aroma as you peel to eat. What he said was true. For me to be raw vampire are always many in thought. So dealing with one of them means other vampires are around.Incidental you too become a vampire. Yes Boobs is a hard word and should have been softened by breasts. Dealing with vampires is always hard fearful truth. May be I used the word keeping that in mind. Also at times I do make mistakes for I am in a hurry to beat contest deadlines. Thanks for reading and commenting which give a lot of insight for future writes.
NM

Nature Mithya

17 years 7 months ago

Thanks for the suggestions.

Before I explain I will tell you an incident which affects my writing. Once I told a Dutchman our Indian Curry as well as the food is lovely. He replied your potato, tomato's, peas etc etc., all taste the same full of spices. Taste a boiled potato raw, feel its aroma as you peel to eat. What he said was true. For me to be raw vampire are always many in thought. So dealing with one of them means other vampires are around.Incidental you too become a vampire. Yes Boobs is a hard word and should have been softened by breasts. Dealing with vampires is always hard fearful truth. May be I used the word keeping that in mind. Also at times I do make mistakes for I am in a hurry to beat contest deadlines. Thanks for reading and commenting which give a lot of insight for future writes.
NM

Nature Mithya

17 years 7 months ago

Thanks for the suggestions.

Before I explain I will tell you an incident which affects my writing. Once I told a Dutchman our Indian Curry as well as the food is lovely. He replied your potato, tomato's, peas etc etc., all taste the same full of spices. Taste a boiled potato raw, feel its aroma as you peel to eat. What he said was true. For me to be raw vampire are always many in thought. So dealing with one of them means other vampires are around.Incidental you too become a vampire. Yes Boobs is a hard word and should have been softened by breasts. Dealing with vampires is always hard fearful truth. May be I used the word keeping that in mind. Also at times I do make mistakes for I am in a hurry to beat contest deadlines. Thanks for reading and commenting which give a lot of insight for future writes.