Renting

where i live becomes
a constellation
of what I do own

the rest just walls,

a patterned ceiling and carpet
washed blue
with a few stains from chalk
pastels i stepped on

i sometimes wake up and only stare

i think of leaving
the next sets of walls
and the rooms one window

boxes left everywhere.

— whitetea, Oct 10, 2008

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: United States, USA

Favorite Poets: Chrystos, Mark Strand, Adrienne Rich, Naomi Shihab Nye, Rachel M. Simon, Donald Justice, Mary Oliver, Nikki Giovanni, Alice Walker, Bukowski, Mary Lambert

Critiques

barbsdad2003

17 years 8 months ago

Hey there!

As to "new walls, maybe a window," how about "then new walls, maybe a window"? I value highly the spareness of your writing(s). You make words count. Every one. They more than count. They mean more than what lies within them. I intuit here a mood, an aloneness, perhaps an undercurrent of ... something else. Something stronger. Something stronger felt. Thanx, Chuck

leonard daranjo

17 years 8 months ago

The first stanza has blown me over

and I do agree with Chuck, your power of your writing lines in its spareness. I also love the mundane images you have interspersed this piece with. Great write. Just one thing. Was wondering whether the 3rd line would read better as "what I own" instead of "what I do own". Just a humble suggestion. Leonard

Janice Pearce

17 years 7 months ago

Renting

Whitetea, What a insightful write here! I truly enjoyed this one~ Have you thought about maybe "these"? set of walls ~~~~~~~~~~~Wanda Sykes For President~~~~~~~~