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Sonnet 20

The longing for my beauty bends a lot
Those saddened bones I have to carry straight;
From legs to brain in pieces they will rot -
With helpless stanzas you'll confound my weight.
It's hard, you know... the gape devours my soul
When I confront the brightness of your eyes
And I shall dwell in darkness like a mole
That fights the sun until the fighter dies.
Be praised in life and glorified in death
Your voice, your face, your deepness and your light
That bursts illusions from your flaming breath
And swims in twilight towards me, tonight.
Grow like a flower in my heart and stay,
Not in this world to whom you'll be astray.

— Unlight, Oct 08, 2008

About This Poem

About the Author

Country/Region: Romania

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Critiques

S

Sheherazade

17 years 8 months ago

Lovely conclusion :). Just

Lovely conclusion :). Just one question: in the "That fights the sun until one fighter dies." line, wouldn't be easier to say "the fighter" instead of "one fighter"?
weirdelf

weirdelf

17 years 7 months ago

By god you are a master of this form,

a spiritual mechanic. Bloody brilliant. Only one teensy weensy thing. In And swims in twilight towards me, tonight. there is a forced stress on "to" in "towards" to make the scansion. It's only because the rest is so perfect it stands out. cheers, Jess
weirdelf

weirdelf

17 years 7 months ago

I don't often comment on your works

because there is not much to say beyond superlative praise. But know that I do read them, respect them, even cherish some of them. That's enough praise for you tonight, you might get complacent and sloppy. cheers, Jess
MK

Mason King

17 years 7 months ago

An Awesome Sonnet,

An Awesome Sonnet, reminiscent of Shakespeare. Bravo. M
ID

Ink Dragon

17 years 6 months ago

A wonderful sonnet

with a nicely flowing rhythm to it. You should have been in Germany in 1910, I am quite sure you would have found a lot of admirers among the expressionists. (They are my newest obsession since I wrote a paper about them.) Your imagery is very much like theirs, civilization in contrast to nature, and you also talk about the dissociation of one´s self... I thoroughly enjoyed this read. Thanks, ID