Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

R

rider68

Oct 12, 2008 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Place’s in the mind

Today; yesterday
Whatever the day
but unlike; - any other day,
I’m drifting roaming aimlessly
Traipsing curbs of forgotten parks
and dead end country lanes,

I look too and upon the horizon
With half cast eyes,
Mind singed, with burnt-out thoughts
As twilight dithers upon the morning breeze,
Larks in flight to hearing sparrows sing

Shaking;
I’m sitting upon my bended knees
hesitating in dire reflection
To the jaunts and midnight stumbles
Of where and now,
This place of which is - un be-known to me

Forms;
Things seeping from a thousand shadows; came
and questioned the very depths of me,
and…… my obscure fragile soul,

Grabbing/dragging my self made chains
We stood staring above the depths, and yet
Within the caverns of mans despair
As purgatory shied but bared its grated teeth
And angels of death gave a razor like smile

I wept tears and everlasting cries
Drenching the very culverts deep within my mind,
Distance now questions the very reasons of why?
As I lay recovering with, emptied intoxicating friends
That - were once mine.

12th Oct 2008

About This Poem

About the Author

Country/Region: GBR

More from this author

Comments

17 years 7 months ago

The question,

We all ask ourselves, "why". Your write begs an answer that only each individual can answer. This is a wonderful piece that makes one look into their own soul. Kudos well done! thanks, Eddie

R

17 years 7 months ago

Thanks Eddie

You have read and completely understood, I wanted to convey that place where we stand and question everything and anything using a drunkard gave a direction of travelling to hells gates and back, thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts. kindest regards..... Peter ~~~"I am not afraid of tomorrow, for I have seen yesterday, and I love today."~~~

17 years 7 months ago

Peter

Thank you so much for the invite. There is so much great poetry around, where to read can become a frustration. Thank you for reading my poem about writing, as obscure as it might be, I like the style of surrealism. I'm not sure about the apostrophe in Place's so maybe you can help me there. Your poetry has great movement and a steady voice unto it's own. Kind of sad, a wonderfully done poem. Things from the deep they come to us at times yes? The last two lines are killers, those things, I think, certainly become detached. Held me to the last word. Peter, this is my "I just woke up" comment. I will need to read it again :) Thank you, Mark Man thinks this.

17 years 7 months ago

I began to reread

and like a great wine it gets better, Peter. Where this takes place is in the mind. Place's is unusual and so I say the title is unique and creative. aah the curbs of the forgotten and dead ends, reads so nice ! This whole work is a pleasure to read. As Eddiie says the "why" but how mush is necessary to know? I really think only enough for us to deal with things. Again, Peter this is a master read and I thank you. Truly, Mark Man thinks this.

O

orgami

17 years 7 months ago

"were once mine.."

cruel but true why wear a hairshirt forever? I like the freind line I removed freinds in my life negative is not positive perhaps they are like all but I have found different Here for instance people who write pain suffering exposure of souls wept tears and continued to hear beauty that is what made your poem beautiful to me this thanksving day

R

17 years 7 months ago

Hi O~

To give you insight as to this being writen, i was somewhat possessed with a theme in mind, seaching into the past, finding those once painful times, But so to convey...I've tried to intice that thought of surrealism, not felt by anyone that hasn't pushed to the extreme, Although i have suffered bouts of depression i found it easeir to convey though the eyes of drunken stupor.....I am sorry if it has touched a nerve, But as for friends......Theres no shortage here.....I am honoured that you have read..and shared your thoughts....thank you, with Kindest regards..... Peter ~~~"I am not afraid of tomorrow, for I have seen yesterday, and I love today."~~~

R

17 years 7 months ago

Hi Mark

And thank you for reading..... as to the apostrophe....Just shows my lack of being able to question when it is right to use or not, as the case maybe, given time as like my writing i hope that - that improves, yes also to how the standard is become so much better, really great pieces of works being produced...I feel that there is this sence of all trying harder due to the general standard being set/reached, I wonder wether Andrew ever thought that his efforts would produce such a great site, I know that i have grown and understand far more than i could have imagined, it's been a great experience being able to exchange thoughts and ideas with like minded people, and to see the once novices maturing with great contrabutions, i place myself at the bottom of that stack, I will say that there has been a few times when i thought that i had gone as far as i could go......So glad that i decided to keep going, Well if i haven't bored the pants off you...... Thanks again.....I really did/do like your last post, Very best regards....Peter ~~~"I am not afraid of tomorrow, for I have seen yesterday, and I love today."~~~

17 years 7 months ago

Peter

Did you mean half-mast eyes instead of half-cast eyes? As in eyelids half closed? Very open write here - like a fishbowl. I'm sorry you're hurting. ~Jess K. ---------------------------------------------------- - "Everyone needs to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer!" - "Due to budget cutbacks, the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off."

R

17 years 7 months ago

Hi Jess

Jess Thanks for reading but, you have mis-read or mis-understood the poem, "Yes" cast is right, This is about everyone who has had that inner experience, Now i don't want to sound sexist....But the guys got this straight away. and as for me things arn't so bad......Really, I did let it be known in a thread on the previous Poem, Be well and take care......Peter ~~~"I am not afraid of tomorrow, for I have seen yesterday, and I love today."~~~

P

prayersbyPatty

17 years 7 months ago

Peter

I hope you are resting well. I know what kind of impact this can have and questions it raises about many issues. Take your time to recover, and you may make some gains from the painful experience. Patty

R

17 years 6 months ago

Hi Patty

Like Jess This account isn't about me, but about, anyone that has either drunk or encountered, deep depression, utter despair, The guys that have read have pick up on that, I have been a little surreal in it's delivery so to make people think and question..... best regards.... Peter ~~~"I am not afraid of tomorrow, for I have seen yesterday, and I love today."~~~

P

prayersbyPatty

17 years 6 months ago

Peter

Yea deep despair.... usually us women are quiet and tearful..... For me deep despair is WHEN THE SACRED IS TORN FROM YOUR LIFE AND YOU SURVIVE thats despair. Glad to know you don't suffer from depression. I do and not afraid to admit it.

R

17 years 6 months ago

Hi Patty

In reply I do suffer badly from bouts of depression, and I have been Bi polar for most of my life, That said I really do believe in pma..it's just at times i am unable to maintain that thought, as the year have progressed i can control it quite well,....to a point, i weened off of tablets some years ago, against the doctors advice, but couldn't face being a slave to them any longer, the approach to this was about a man drifting having been on a bender (booze) and reaching the end where we all at sometime stop and question, thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts....very best regards, Peter ~~~"I am not afraid of tomorrow, for I have seen yesterday, and I love today."~~~

P

prayersbyPatty

17 years 6 months ago

Sorry Peter

Did not mean to start a blog on your poem. You guys are right, I didn't get it... now when you vomit, thats called a binge. Tried to go off my pills last week... what a nightmare. your friend, Patty

17 years 6 months ago

Bac

It seems to be a place of spiritualty. Of inner wandering and trying to find a way away from that inner place of bad to somewhere better. I like it even more each time I read, Peter. Mark Man thinks this.

17 years 6 months ago

It's a powerful mood piece, man.

Felt like I walked that path with you. Couple of things bothered me. Larks in flight to hearing sparrows sing larks and sparrows are going to be a cliche even if you bum them and roast them. You use the 1st person plural just once in the poem We stood staring above the depths, and yet and I can't see why. What intrigues me almost as much as the poem is the disparate responses, apparently gender based. I don't think it is gender although (I just know I am going to get in a shitload of trouble here and called a sexist pig) I think many women read and write poetry in a more subjective, personal frame while men often tend to externalise more (have I covered my arse sufficiently?) Whatever I think it needs some emotional hooks that I can't pin down right now, being 5.40am and a six-pack gone. Remind me by PM to come back to it in a day or so. cheers, Jess

R

17 years 6 months ago

Hi Jess.and thanks

Had given a lot of thought to the writing of this, wanting each verse to stand stack up...at the point of using plural, I had said.......... Forms; Things seeping from a thousand shadows; came and questioned the very depths of me, and…… my obscure fragile soul, which indicates that i was no longer alone. The birds larks in flight etc...Fits well with the first verse, remember that this is about not only self discovery but blind drunken stupor, recited in the last verse, I suppose its easy when being the writer.....with all the answers, Hope it was worth the trip.......Thanks Jess.... best Regards.....peter.... Ps. Sorry I'm sure it will open a bag of worms, but as to your comments about the girls, i tend to agree, ~~~"I am not afraid of tomorrow, for I have seen yesterday, and I love today."~~~

17 years 6 months ago

OK, got the first person plural,

although it's not really clear, but still can't abide those larks and sparrows. Couldn't you just call them something different? Anyway it is still the early hours and as promised I will come back to this. cheers, Jess

L

leonard daranjo

17 years 6 months ago

Hi Peter - this is a soul wrenching piece

I lapped this piece up because I relate to it - especially: Forms; Things seeping from a thousand shadows; came and questioned the very depths of me, and…… my obscure fragile soul, Yes, there are many questions that can torture a sensitive soul. So many times I choose not acknowledge uncomfortable questions that surface in a given situation but that - rather than alleviate - only compounds matters. Thanks for sharing. Wishing you all the best ... Leonard

R

17 years 6 months ago

Hi Leonard

I had no doubts that if you read, like others, you would relate to this quite well, how alike we are, as to your last point, I too am very guiltly of shunning away, untill there is no choice but to deal with the point in hand, Thanks for taking the time to share your thoughts, As always ....very best regards Peter ~~~"I am not afraid of tomorrow, for I have seen yesterday, and I love today."~~~

17 years 6 months ago

Peter

I understood the message easily, and I appreciate you sharing this piece with us! Straight from the soul, exactly how I like them! "There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you." Will Rogers

R

17 years 6 months ago

Hi Janice

Sorry should have replied sooner, it's quite a challenge of late working reading posting trying to write, in between trying to reply to all, I've often thought wouldn't be good if we had a computer secretary: well.....i suppose i'll keep dreaming.... Thanks for reading and understing the point of the poem. Kindest regards.... Peter ~~~"I am not afraid of tomorrow, for I have seen yesterday, and I love today."~~~

17 years 6 months ago

Peter

I can relate to "self made chains". HOw we love to drag them around. This is an excellent piece.

R

17 years 6 months ago

Hi Linda

I did wonder if that would get picked up, “self made chains” As i truly believe that - that has such a big part, in the way we go through life and how and what we are and become, I could go on all night, it's such a vast subject, but...for now thank you...for reading and leaving your thoughts, Kindest regards... Peter ~~~"I am not afraid of tomorrow, for I have seen yesterday, and I love today."~~~

F

fathima

17 years 6 months ago

Excellent!!!

Very nicely done!! I enjoyed the poem right through to the end, the emotions evoked were real and straight cut, no fancy frills and lacy parts! Well done Peace Fathima

R

17 years 6 months ago

Hi Fathima

Thank you for reading...Oh and welcome,...sometimes the clean cut ones work well Thanks again..... Best regards.... Peter ~~~"I am not afraid of tomorrow, for I have seen yesterday, and I love today."~~~

17 years 6 months ago

Congrats

on spotlight - even if this girl misunderstood... LOL! ~Jess K. ---------------------------------------------------- -"It is better to be thought of a fool, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt..." - Mark Twain

R

17 years 6 months ago

Hi Jess and thanks

Thanks for making the trip back, I'm surprised at the spot light, sorry i've been lagging abit......will catch up with your latest tomorrow, it's past midnight yet again, need to be up and away early, Take care Jess...... Best regards..... Peter ~~~"I am not afraid of tomorrow, for I have seen yesterday, and I love today."~~~

M

Mohammad Yamin Iraqi

17 years 6 months ago

Rider68

A thought provoking poem -truly absorbing. You travel in the valley of thoughts to discover the relationship of your soul with the caverns of despair. The poem exposes your inner pain and you ask yourself why, why, why? It is a beautiful poem, indeed! Mohammad

R

17 years 6 months ago

Hi and Welcome Mohammad

Thanks for reading, You have managed to find the path and travel the trail of which i had intended, I am of the opinion that unless one has ventured this trying path they wouldn't really understand! Thanks again for reading and sharing your thoughts, very best regards.... Peter ~~~"I am not afraid of tomorrow, for I have seen yesterday, and I love today."~~~

P

17 years 6 months ago

Just

a quick review, a masterpiece, you are not afraid to plunge into the depths , like the title-regards

R

17 years 6 months ago

Hi Pink

Thanks For reading and leaving your thoughts, although my thoughts had plunged to be able to write this..... I am fine, Take care and best regards Peter ~~~"I am not afraid of tomorrow, for I have seen yesterday, and I love today."~~~

17 years 6 months ago

Peter...

this is a very sensitive reflection of a lonely night of drinking... quite glad I stopped in to read because you have some memorable lines in this beautiful look at the every day reality for some.... impressed with your ability to get it down on paper... take care my friend Richard

R

17 years 6 months ago

Hi and Thank-you Richard

Hi and Thank-you Richard, I must say that i am quite pleased with this, But it's so much better when read by people you have high regards for, and can share and understand exactly what the writer has penned, Thanks again.....and hope all is well with you and yours, Very best regards... Peter ~~~"I am not afraid of tomorrow, for I have seen yesterday, and I love today."~~~