25 years

Wow - this is awesome. The pain and emotion come through very clearly. I have just one suggestion - see what you think. In the first verse, second line, I felt the world drenched instead of tipped may have more impact? Its a powerful opening verse and draws the reader right in - I just felt 'tipped' took the edge off it a little - please ignore if you like it how it is. Apart from that - I really enjoyed reading this. I especially like these lines:- I look she stares We sit staring As opposites staring sitting singular in thought moments itched with torrid retorts It took me back to similar times - very well written. You have captured something very special here. Kaz It's impossible to smile on the outside without feeling better on the inside.

I too, feel the pain, and I am sorry. I wish you the best. I see nothing that needs to be changed. It comes from your heart

As I read this tear came to my eyes, I had experience this very early in my marriage, but we worked through it. forty years now of being with her. Your poem brought those memories back, I guess that sometimes you do have to remember, so as to not become complacent. Kudos will done, Eddie "do like the once barren tree: flourish, and like the planted seed: rise" Jose de Diego

This is a touching write. Sad, yet beautiful and from the heart. Agree with Kaz on a different word for "Tipped" A comma after lyrical? For I stumbled on this although I might be wrong about this~ "There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you." Will Rogers

"lyrical my thoughts played out by Coldplay feeling the bass reverberating through conservatory floor" - Never pictured you as a Coldplay fan, but they're an excellent band to use in this case; though like Jan, I tripped over 'lyrical' I immediately thought of two of their songs that fit this perfectly: The screaming guitar in Yellow, and the crashing of drums in Clocks. You've been listening to my Multiply playlist again, haven't you? *smiles* Keep your chin up, my friend. We're all here for ya. ~Jess K. ---------------------------------------------------- - "Everyone needs believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer!" - "Constipated people don't give a shit..."

The poem is terrific as they usually are from a torn and tattered heart. If there is anything I can do even if it is just listen, feel free. Respectfully, Rett: "We can all be thankful that Picasso wasn't a plastic surgeon." Rett

Comes through with a great deal of pain, emotion and nostalgia. It is wonderful how some of the bitterest emotions and feelings can give vent to the most exquisite artistic expression. I remember Shelly We look before and after And pine for what is not Our Sincerest laughter With some pain is fraught Our sweetest Songs Are those that tell Of saddest thought Hope I have got it right. The very best to you always .... Leonard

ThiS IS A Mirror Image of Politics In The States! Deth to liberalism, Mark

of pathos and sadness here Peter. Had me from start to finish and struck a very personal chord. If i was going to be in any way critical i would say perhaps the three repetitions of stares/staring in one verse was a little uncomfortable for me (perhaps "staring" in the second line could be "gazing" because the first line indicates that only she stares and you are looking) although Kaz says she liked that verse the best so what do i know. Moving piece my friend. Keith

Peter... Enjoyable, mark

a wonderfully written poem... Coldplay, heavy with bass , a tight band... my only suggestion has already been made by the professor... this is defining moment... hope all is well, moving read Peter! Richard

Dearest Peter, I so know this feeling....my x and I thought we would grow old together. In a sense we have. We drink coffee in different worlds...friends who live apart. Question: is bares what you meant or *bears*? Both seem to be appropriate. "I look she stares We sit seeing as opposites sitting unheard singular in thought moments stitched with torrid retorts" ? Hugs my friend, ~A

Thats a long time, This is a beautiful, but sad poem. I have heard many describe the feeling as right in the gut..... and then your breath is gone. I wish No person had to go through this. It's awful. Hugs Patty

last three lines, very powerful.

and I love the revisions... I know it's not much but anytime you want to p.m. me you are more than welcome... for across the water there is another heart that knows sadness... Richard

Loved it Patty

Sorry to come so late to the party. All I can say is that this is damn fine poetry that touched me personally, cheers, Jess

Loved this revision "spiked" fits so much better and all the lines flow together well. I loved the mention of Coldplay and bass reverberating through the floor [window pane not paine?] Just an awesome write!!! "There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you." Will Rogers

Smiles:) Barbara Pain delivered so masterfully, the pain is so deep wanting the love to come back, but knowing it can no longer be reached as it is too far gone.

Happy to hear commuication is going on at least Peter. I did not mention it the first time around but 25 years has incredible poignancy for me since that is when my ex-wife and i finally split up...one month before the dreaded ruby wedding anniversary. For us is was to prove a huge relief but i wish you better luck my friend. This revised version of your poem makes it even better, indeed for me the best of yours i have ever read even though the subject is obviously highly personal. My best wishes Keith

beautiful piece you've crafted here. One so real. Reflecting heartbreak, pain ... despair. You've chosen descriptive words well. Your "we sat bleeding tears" speaks volumes beyond the words. This write glows. Thanx, Chuck

Congratulations on the spotlight. Well deserved. Hope all is well.

am glad that i looked you up Peter, this poem says it all in very lucid images-