Rett

Sep 22, 2008 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Lawnmower Man

Lawnmower Man

Ready to mow the lawn
The mower leers at me
Sitting there and waiting
It ate three toes last time
And a third of one for a snack

I take a deep breath and reach
Pull it to level ground
Steeling myself I reach
Push the throttle to choke
Now time to pull the rope

(pull pull pull pull pull
pull pull pull pull pull
pant pant pant pant pant
pull pull pull pull pull
pull pant pull pant pull)

Gasping, cursing and fuming
I pull the spark plug
I clean it thoroughly
Check the gap to be correct
Then screw it back in

(pull pull pull pull pull
pant pant pant pant pant
pull pull pull pull pull
pull pant pull pant pull
pant pant pant pant pull)

I pull the cover
Sand the flywheel
Clean the magnets
Check the points
And put it back together

(pull pant pull pant pull
pant pant pant pant pant
pant pant pull pant pull
pull pant pull pant pull
Pant Gasp Gasp pull Gasp)

Kicking and swearing
Must be the carb
Pull the air cleaner
Sure enough, the carb is dry
Uh, maybe I should.....

Sheepishly I pour gas
Into the empty tank
Reach and grab the rope
I give it a Yank....
putt putt putt roOAAARRR

— Rett, Sep 22, 2008

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: Southern Texas, USA

Favorite Poets: Dickenson, Longfellow

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

Critiques

barbsdad2003

17 years 8 months ago

Fun!

But for the tragedy of losing toes to the beast, this is fun, fun, funny. Thanx, Chuck PS: If Americans'd just abandon their love affairs with lawns, we'd all be safer.

Rett

17 years 8 months ago

Thanks Chuck

I am taking a break for lunch and thought I'd check stuff. Glad you liked it. Even the worst of situations have some humor in them. You should see the look on people's faces when they ask me about it. When I get to the point of "My wife got a towel and kept pressure to stop the bleeding, she did the only other thing she could. She called a Toe Truck." They go from wonder to, oh shit, did he really say that? *LOL* Respectfully, Rett: "The only thing observable with the naked eye to exceed the speed of light is rumor" Unknown

yenti

17 years 8 months ago

Goat For Sale

Sorry but I'm the other side of the great pond and they can't swim. Over here we use Goats now, as the price of fuel which you did need is to expensive. I hope that wasn't really you losing out on toes. Nice piece though and made me laugh a bit, yours, Ian.T PS found one of my old school pics so put it on my profile.

Rett

17 years 8 months ago

Cool pic Ian. LOL

Yes, I really lost the toes, but what the heck, I manage. Right now I would consider goats for sure. Glad you got a laugh at it. *G* Respectfully, Rett: "The only thing observable with the naked eye to exceed the speed of light is rumor" Unknown

Rett

17 years 8 months ago

Thank you Janice

I am glad I could give you a laugh. I am on a break for lunch right now so checking stuff. The skeeters are so bad right now that I have emptied a can of deep woods off in two days. Hope to be able to get some time on here by the weekend. Take care my friend. Be well and I hope the wedding goes great! Respectfully, Rett: "The only thing observable with the naked eye to exceed the speed of light is rumor" Unknown

infinite_dwarf

17 years 8 months ago

Oh No!!!

Your poor toes! I would have taken a sledgehammer to it at that point. With the whole mower/goat debate, I say sheep are better. Goats rip out grass, sheep just kind of eat it down - so at least you still have a yard. Of course, if you want to take care of the mower, get goats, they'll eat it for you. Or a better solution: Rip out all your grass except for where you want your gardens, and pour in concrete for the rest - paint it green, and you're good to go. See, I'm all heart! :~) ~Jess K. ---------------------------------------------------- "Johnny was a chemist’s son, but Johnny is no more. What Johnny thought was H2O, was really H2SO4...."

barbsdad2003

17 years 8 months ago

I'll second you, Jess ...

on that. Once upon a time I lived on an island in Puget Sound near Seattle. A sheep kept my lawn up for me. Or down, I should say. And the dog fed the goldfish in the front-yard pond, but that's another story ... Yours, Chuck

Rett

17 years 8 months ago

Actually, I have seen that

Up near Waco. As for mowing now, if I can't do it with a riding mower and a Weedeater it don't get done. *LOL* Thanks for reading my friend. Respectfully, Rett: "The only thing observable with the naked eye to exceed the speed of light is rumor" Unknown

orgami

17 years 8 months ago

lawnmower woman

knew of a woman who tried to pick up her mower to move it running of course lost the ends of her fingers i am terrified of these things but tow them shove them anyway so far so good glad to hear you have electrical power back my god but what a storm one year where i used to be from a storm came a cold front and we worked for fifteen days straight putting in poles and anchors for bell and hydro of course this is nothing compared to down there today is the fall equinox longest day shortest day or I think the most even hours an ancient important day anyway Loved this poem

Rett

17 years 8 months ago

Thanks Orgami

You always have such an elegant way with words. Thanks for reading and commenting. It is always interesting to see what you have to say. I appreciate it. Respectfully, Rett: "The only thing observable with the naked eye to exceed the speed of light is rumor" Unknown

Janice Pearce

17 years 8 months ago

Rett

Had the same problem over the weekend. Still don't know why the darn thing won't start. First thing I checked was the gas, then the oil. Gotta check the spark plug next and air filter. Darn I hate those blasted mowers! A nice funny write here Rett~I have never lost a toe or finger, but I have lost my patience! "There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you." Will Rogers

Rett

17 years 8 months ago

Janice

A push mower, especially if left out or in a damp area will get rust over the magnets on the flywheel under the metal cover the pull rope sits in. A lot of people have trouble with them starting because of that and take them for service and get chargedf a lot of money. It ttakes a total of about 10 minutes to take the cover off, get a piece of sandpaper and sand the rust off the magnets, then replace the cover. Usually that is the main starting problem other than moisture in the gas. Good luck. Respectfully, Rett: "The only thing observable with the naked eye to exceed the speed of light is rumor" Unknown

whitetea

17 years 8 months ago

>

When I read over the first line or so I was reminded of the breathing furnace in home alone. You seem to be able to laugh about something that used to be terrible. This is really good writing here Rett, I will need to read more of your writing.

Rett

17 years 8 months ago

Thank you whitetea

I appreciate it. If a person really looks objectively at something they can see the humor. Sometimes it is better to laugh at something than to sit around saying poor poor pitiful me. hmmm, that sound like a song...oh, wait, it was! *G* Respectfully, Rett: "The only thing observable with the naked eye to exceed the speed of light is rumor" Unknown

prayersbyPatty

17 years 8 months ago

Rett

Good to see you post my friend. I hate it when that happens. Nothing can make me madder, except waiting for a teenager to pick you up from work when you lend him the car. And that only happened once. Patty

Rett

17 years 8 months ago

Thanks Patty

I know what you mean. I use a riding mower now with electric start. I hope the battery doesn't go dead. *LOL* Respectfully, Rett: "The only thing observable with the naked eye to exceed the speed of light is rumor" Unknown