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Pragyan
Pragyan
Sep 23, 2008 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Paper Boat

Water drops cried by heaven, Reach the earth...puddles, And temporary pools are formed. I become alive: In the form of paper boat... White as a lamenting saint, Yellowed as a ragged beggar, A carnival being a multitude of colours; Being bright, I am; The heart of a young adult... I am alive more than, That can be realized. My heart beats can't be felt. Even I laugh and cry. I feel and see things no one can... A paper boat I am: My worth is that much. With time I deform, Towards the end shrunken, vulnerable, Deprived and lost...I die... Floating, I was cheered, But being the unfinished boat; In the hands of a child, I love the most. I am a paper boat...but I don't like left to me alone... I am a paper boat... I wish I wouldn't have been left unloved...

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Country/Region: USA

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Comments

whitetea

whitetea

17 years 6 months ago

>

What a beautiful piece! I love the gentle and reflective touch you left in this.
A

Arrow

17 years 6 months ago

This is a beautiful piece

I love the metaphor, esp. at the end when you describe being the craft of a child you love. I also esp. like lines 11-12 and wonder if they would work better without the following 3. I also could do without the . . . Lovely. Thanks for writing.
Pragyan

Pragyan

17 years 6 months ago

Thank you... :)

Thank you for being kind to read my poetry and I agree that those ...s are unnecessary. And could you please tell me why you think lines 13-15 are better be left out? Thank you again. Regards Pragyan.
A

Arrow

17 years 6 months ago

These lines are so powerful:

I am alive more than, That can be realized. that I'd be inclined to highlight them. Also, to my ears, the next few lines have the feel of that annoying complaint, "No one understands me." The sense that we are somehow more than what we seem to be is a universal feeling, I think. I just feel lines 13-15 somehow detract. I hope that was clear.
Pragyan

Pragyan

17 years 6 months ago

Never looked at it that way...

Thank you for comprehending my poetry in that fashion. I will try to improve it. I am grateful that you pointed this to me. Regards Pragyan.:)
R

rider68

17 years 6 months ago

A very moving - thoughtful poem

Almost surreal in it's delivery, words chosen with care....very beautifully done Very best regards.. Peter ~~~"I am not afraid of tomorrow, for I have seen yesterday, and I love today."~~~
Pragyan

Pragyan

17 years 6 months ago

Thank you...:)

You are very kind to consider my poetry this way. Thank you for spending your time to read it... Regards Pragyan.
yenti

yenti

17 years 5 months ago

Pragyan

The words flow with simplistic beauty as the thoughts of a child To capture this is wonderful, to hold on to this way, is to walk where no person can touch or hurt you. Sorry about being late in reading but just caught up with your work, and as I look at you first, then some of your other pieces there is a bit of a delay with the comments, Yours, Ian.T
Pragyan

Pragyan

17 years 3 months ago

Ian

I believe being a child is one of the most beautiful things that can happen in a lifetime. So I just tried to capture why it is so, not completely, but somewhat I believe. Thank you for reading it and I am glad you appreciated it. Regards Pragyan