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Barbara Writes
Barbara Writes
Sep 17, 2008 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Trenches of Love

Trenches of Love

Pain of you lingers in me
As my pleas go unnoticed
The fluid in my spine turn hot
Burns like volcanic lava

Tugs at the string of my heart
I fall in your sea of charm
Being washed ashore
Like a fish on dry land

I ponder our love
As my soul sinks
Deeper and deeper into despair
Tears falling like rain.

Down in the trenches of love
we are better off a memory
— Barbara Writes, Sep 17, 2008

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: United States, USA

Favorite Poets: Billy Collins, Shakespeare, , Emily Dickinson, , , Whitman, Jess Tapper

More from this author

Critiques

whitetea

whitetea

17 years 8 months ago

>

Well put. Thanks for the honesty here. Many people especially when writing paint love out to be such a perfect and shining thing. It's something that is ofcourse good but does have its leaks and holes as we go along. I've had days where I've felt like this. Good piece.
E

easylife_2

17 years 8 months ago

Another rmindblowing one!!!

I could feel you in this work,I must say that you are improving all the time and I like that.I have been away for some time,it is so ridiculous that when I'm in school,I do not have acess to the internet,it is only when I come home that I have acess to the internet.I always miss all my friends and especially you at Neopoets and I always look forward to coming back home.
O

orgami

17 years 8 months ago

beautiful wording

"The pain of you lingers in me" i love your poems the phrases in broadstrokes or impressionist vivid bursts "Down in the trenchs of love" fantastic!!
P

poewriter58

17 years 8 months ago

Barbara

beautiful except for one problem your tugs at my heart string either you tug at my heart strings or your tugs at my heartstrings(s) would be my suggestion were better as a memory we are? we're or were the tears better as a memory or perhaps were as bitter as a memory Chrys
Barbara Writes

Barbara Writes

17 years 8 months ago

Thanks for critiquing

Smiles:) Barbara I pondered on heartstrings but decided it was only one string for me as most would say she or he is my heartstring. will make the correction to should be we were better as a memory in my mind, but still working on that to make it better, I agree it needs more clarity
Barbara Writes

Barbara Writes

17 years 8 months ago

Thanks Whitetea, Easy, O

Smiles:) Barbara Thanks whitetea, love is a up and down process glad you saw that in this, and Easy glad you stop to read my poem and commenting, your responses are always welcome. Hey O thanks for your careful observation, I work hard to find phrases that would really make this one give a great image.
R

rider68

17 years 8 months ago

Hi Barbara

This is really good...I have to agree with all the comments, But O' has stole my lines, the're fantastic, "Beautiful" Kindest Regards..... Peter ~~~"I am not afraid of tomorrow, for I have seen yesterday, and I love today."~~~
Linda Moses

Linda Moses

17 years 8 months ago

Trenches

and trenches it can be, especially if it gets down to war. "better off a memory" good write, Barbara
Barbara Writes

Barbara Writes

17 years 8 months ago

Thanks Linda

Smiles:) Barbara This was inspired by a line in one of Kenny Chesney song, glad you see the dilemma in this piece, thanks for reading. Always appreciated.
MI

Mohammad Yamin Iraqi

17 years 8 months ago

Trenches of Love

A beautiful write -very passionate - expressive of the savagery of love-immaculate imagery. Well done, Barbara. Mohammad
Eduardo Cruz

Eduardo Cruz

17 years 8 months ago

Love and Pain

Barbara, Now who's the real "Poet", this is a beautiful Job. It shows how love and pain sit side by side in a constant war, and how it takes strength of will to over come the pain despite the love. "we are better off a memory" The power it takes to say these words, when you love some one. beautiful Expression of how love truly is. thanks, Eddie PS. where's the new picture of Handsome. I love seeing how they change from one photo to the next
Barbara Writes

Barbara Writes

17 years 8 months ago

Love and Pain

Smiles:) Barbara Appreciate you dissecting my poem this way and getting it exactly right the line better off a memory was as hard to write in as it is to say when in the trenches of love thanks for your feedback you are a gem among critics. pic soon.
P

panaella

17 years 8 months ago

spot on...

Barbara, Just to say this is an accurate view of the pain of love. The end line has real significance and I can most definately relate to it.....I'd keep it as ...'we are better off a memory.' The baby is adorable! Regards, Ellie x