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infinite_dwarf
infinite_dwarf
Aug 23, 2008 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Drunkard

"Whaddya mean two plus two is four?
It's not.
It's eight.  I can prove it.
Challenge me all you like; I'm the best.

Does the world seem like it's spinning faster?
Who dropped in the Chevy Small Block?
Hey! Watch where I'm goin'!
"Step outside; I'll kick my ass!" *
Obama and Clinton? Fuck 'em!

Geez, turn down the chainsaws, willya?
Hey baby, what's your sign?
Gimme another, make it strong!
I want them there elli-phants to come squish me.
Whaddya mean there ain't no such thing?
There's one right there behind you!

Man, what time is it?
Two Am?  Geeez.
Whaddya lookin' at, huh?
I know, y'aint never seen no one as hot as me.
I'm......invincible....
I'm...."
Zzz..................


* - to quote Robin Williams on Broadway. 
— infinite_dwarf, Aug 23, 2008

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: North Carolina, USA, USA

Favorite Poets: E.A. Poe, Lewis Carroll, Charles Bukowski, Michael McClure, Lawrence Ferlenghetti.

More from this author

Critiques

D

DarkinAZ

17 years 9 months ago

Interesting...

this one goes all over the place, kinda hard for me to follow. I guess I am computer illiterate? Computer drinking? I am afraid this may have went right over my head. Love ya anyway! Sincerely, Mark
D

DarkinAZ

17 years 9 months ago

P.S.

I do like how the computer seemed to crash, as we humans do with alcohol overload. Me.
infinite_dwarf

infinite_dwarf

17 years 9 months ago

LOL

Thanks, my friend. Actually, you got the main point - it is supposed to go all over the place, kind of like a drunk person when they speak. Just picture some completely trashed person muttering this poem. (actually, that's what I should do... I should put it all in quotations so it's apparent that he's speaking the lines... or trying to. LOL!) I guess I'm not drunk often enough to accurately portray one. The "I haven't been drinking, my keys/laptop/computer has" jab is a sort of inside joke - if someone types out a whole string of misspelt crap, or fat fingered the keys, they'll usually say that. Jess Elf is famous for it in chat and a couple others. I'll use it from time to time as well. Hopefully upon a re-read all will become clear. LOL! ~Jess ---------------------------------------------------- "Just 'cause you have one, doesn't mean you need to be one....."
Rett

Rett

17 years 9 months ago

I loved This, as Jess wouldn't say Effing Brilliant

The drunker I sit here, the longer I git. or lumpsing tike lat. Son't dough shot I'm waying but I et git. Sheesh, gis was wood wan't cait or fanother gun. I sink. *hic* paron me. ZZZzzzz___ Respectfully, Rett: "If life is a bowl of cherries, why am I in the pits?" Erma Bombeck
infinite_dwarf

infinite_dwarf

17 years 9 months ago

uh oh

Is it a bad thing that I actually understood all that jibberish up there? :~O Thanks for the read, my friend. WAKE UP! LOL! ~Jess ---------------------------------------------------- "I hope no one asks me to show them the ropes; I have no idea where they are. Maybe I can pull some strings and find out...." - George Carlin
R

rider68

17 years 9 months ago

Some-one Say Party?

I smelt the booze, But i see Rett has past out, thought he might have brought a round, Loved it Jess It came across very well, best Regards Peter ~~~~~~~~~Creativity Is to think more efficiently~~~~~~~~~~
infinite_dwarf

infinite_dwarf

17 years 9 months ago

Peter

It was that there darn kitty cat in his photo. Not only drinking, but smoking besides! Glad you liked, my friend. :~) ~Jess ---------------------------------------------------- "I hope no one asks me to show them the ropes; I have no idea where they are. Maybe I can pull some strings and find out...." - George Carlin
A

amalzamani

17 years 9 months ago

lol

I was truly hoping you'd prove 2+2 equals 8!...lol...enjoyable one...thank you Jess
infinite_dwarf

infinite_dwarf

17 years 9 months ago

Bingo

Good reasoning, and I was wondering if anyone would be bold enough to point out. LSD eh? Didn't we discuss this? Am I gonna have to make your computer go stand in the corner again? LOL, thanks for the read and the comments. ~Jess ---------------------------------------------------- "I hope no one asks me to show them the ropes; I have no idea where they are. Maybe I can pull some strings and find out...." - George Carlin
infinite_dwarf

infinite_dwarf

17 years 9 months ago

Amal

I can prove that .3 + .6 = 1 but you need to see it drawn out in front of you before it makes sense. :~) Thanks for reading. ~Jess ---------------------------------------------------- "I hope no one asks me to show them the ropes; I have no idea where they are. Maybe I can pull some strings and find out...." - George Carlin
A

amalzamani

17 years 9 months ago

What?!!!

I see .8 lol this is fun...I miss my math teacher...so all we've studies was a waste of time?...I want my life back!
Linda Moses

Linda Moses

17 years 9 months ago

Jess

Enjoyed the read, as for the math, I never was good at it anyhow. It never made sense, drunk or sober
themoonman

themoonman

17 years 9 months ago

Hey...

I've seen them there elli-phants.. lol.. but only on lsd .. lol loved your poem Jess.. sounds like me with too much to drink... Richard
weirdelf

weirdelf

17 years 9 months ago

Now let me prove to you that god is a caveman

I can do it mathematically, scienctificly, religiously, philosopophically or cosmologicly oops, who gave my computer marijuana? That's not fair! I'm trying to be serious. "mm, spiking peoples computers is socially inappropriate" Next time. cheers, Jess