narrowing

i could have lived your little life
found air with an occassional
elbowing down your Patriachal line,

but my home still is.

and
as for this 'large and spacious
building.'

your mother
is there,   with that fattening
cat that never moves.   Lady
Godiva is crosslegged on the couch
Kahlo is smearing paint on her toes.

a world that the Rod
was simply never against.

you start to whistle
a song for yourself,
but the walk is still lonely
you used to remember something
other than white and fire
Kolob and the little liahona.

maybe the cat was red
or the book had edges.
There once was a "we" in the directory.

— whitetea, Aug 11, 2008

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: United States, USA

Favorite Poets: Chrystos, Mark Strand, Adrienne Rich, Naomi Shihab Nye, Rachel M. Simon, Donald Justice, Mary Oliver, Nikki Giovanni, Alice Walker, Bukowski, Mary Lambert

Critiques

RSScheerer

17 years 10 months ago

narrowing

Sometimes we need to write these things out without consequence. I won't presume to comprehend your meaning; if it helped you to write it out, that is what matters. For the sake of simple corrections, check your spelling of occasional "home is still is" - is the last word meant to be his? "a world simply that the Rod was never against" - the sentence structure here steals from the line, would "a simple world that the Rod was never against" or "a world that the Rod was simply never against" work? Not sure which stays true to your meaning. I hope that writing this helped to exorcise old demons from your mind. Best, ~ Ronda

barbsdad2003

17 years 9 months ago

Seems a little ragged ...

in a way that I find intriguing/disturbing. Apparent disjointed thoughts glommed together wanting form/substance. Very sad how you---as well as we---abandon self-power/individual power to the so-called "greater good" that is earmarked religion. Inner splits can be gaping crevasses---or the tiniest of hair-thin cracks. I think this piece suggests quite well the existence of both. I urge other readers to sip this carefully lest much gold dust gathers unnoticed in the corners. So much pain engendered, so little time in a religious/cultural victim's life to try to ameliorate the countless cuts/injuries that've been dispensed from before birth to well past adulthood ... I hope I'm making some sense here. Thanx much, Chuck

whitetea

17 years 9 months ago

>

This is targeted against two things, the ideal end result male member forged by the mormon church and their view of us vs them. "Us (their church) against the world" is damaging and kind of like what you said creates 'splits' between how people view themselves and others. I'm not sure how many of these people realize how much they lose by looking at the world and people they live among in that light. I thought back recently to when I was taught about this scripture passage and what it meant. I realized that I finally "live" in that quoted 'large and spacious building', which represents those who are not part of that faith. I want the character described above to understand that the differences between people are small. That there are people he loves that are separate from what he believes and its not even close to a threat. I like how you put all of that and thanks for taking time to read this.

themoonman

17 years 9 months ago

Whitetea...

Narrowing... I am not sure of your meaning.. it seems that you are talking about a friend that you've lost touch with... but like Chuck.. I found it very intriguing and spent a good while trying to understand it.. maybe the cat was red or the book had edges. There once was a "we" in the directory. I just love that verse... Richard