Summer Night

Summer Night
Azure sky, clouds of white,
Gentle breeze at evenings light.

Jasmine’s perfume,
and fireflies just in sight.
a moon of silver,
Ascending, purposely tonight.

Crickets are chirping, with hypnotizing delight.
Fragrances, sounds, and sights,
Mingle to ignite my pagan soul,
Ready for flight.

— autumnphoenix, Jul 30, 2008

About This Poem

About the Author

Country/Region: USA

Critiques

RSScheerer

17 years 10 months ago

The only problem with this

The only problem with this poem is the structure. Your images are gorgeous, but they get lost in the paragraph-style presentation. Go through it and feel for the line breaks, end-stops and enjambments. The result will be a beautiful poem. Best, ~ Ronda

themoonman

17 years 10 months ago

Hi Autumn...

Ronda is absolutely correct... this has some beautiful imagery. I do hope you will break it down... because I too think this could be much better if the structure gave your reader time to take in the images... Richard

Rett

17 years 10 months ago

This reads really well now!

I have one more little suggestion and it is only a suggestion. instead of "Gentle is the breeze at evenings light". How about "Gentle breeze at evenings light". Same meaning and feel without unnecessary words. *S* This is quite beautiful now. It spins a beautiful image in the mind. A place I would like to be. I have to add a star to what is there now. Gorgeous! Respectfully, Rett: "On life; Ah such a wondrous thing, beauty and love to behold and experience! On death; I can wait to see..." Rett 2008.

autumnphoenix

17 years 10 months ago

I agree

I have taken a moment to read the piece with your suggestion. I like the feel of it and, no it doesn't take away anything. I think I like words to much. Sometimes I can go on and on to say the simplest things. Thanks again for the read. Dana

Rett

17 years 10 months ago

Dana, that is not unusual

We are all guilty of it at times. I tend to write like crazy and then end up spending days trimming and correcting errors over and over until I think I have it perfect before I post it and then 6 out of 10 times someone will find something I missed. *L* Rett: "On life; Ah such a wondrous thing, beauty and love to behold and experience! On death; I can wait to see..." Rett 2008.

weirdelf

17 years 10 months ago

It isw well written, and has personal beauty

Nonrtheless is it too personal. Do you write for yourself or others?. The prime purpose of poetry is generousity. cheers, Jess

autumnphoenix

17 years 10 months ago

Both

I write for both. Most of the time I write because something comes into my head. Sometimes I write to say something, I want others to see or feel. Both of these I have done to give to others. I have just begun to share my poems with others. I have kept them in books and folders until now. I didn't know any other poets until now.I have read famous poets of course. My mother wrote but never shared her poems. Shes gone now. That is why I have begun to share my poems. I like to give, and my poems are what I want give. Thank you for the read, and your question. Dana

weirdelf

17 years 10 months ago