cords

you wear the day in transfer

i've never seen you bound once

your head nods numbly

through the pain of words

through the mesh of urgency

and seizures of suspicion

straighten your gaze, please

and show me how

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Comments

Barbara Writes

17 years 9 months ago

I am intriqued

Smiles:) Barbara I see the image of dilemma here, but the meaning allude me could you shed some light on my inability to interpret this relate the title so I can see it I apologize for being so lost

Arrow

17 years 9 months ago

I'm struggling a little with the meaning, too

but I'll still make a couple of suggestions. I'd take out "once" in line 2. There are too many beats for me in line 2 and "once" is unnecessary with "never". I really like the metaphor of urgency as a mesh in line 5, then you have another nice metaphor in line 6. So, I'd like to see one in line 4 because, in comparison, that line seems a little flat. Maybe, a drill of words? The end is where I struggle. I'm unsure whether or not it's good to be bound. Perphaps that's what you were trying to convey? Thanks for writing.

Quillsvein1

17 years 9 months ago

the misunderstandings

are perfectly appropriate: it is sorta cryptic. it's about a person who is free from the standard anxieties of daily life and kind of "nods" through them without noticing: the whole thing is symbolic of me, the poet, wondering how the person manages this and remains "unbound"

Arrow

17 years 9 months ago

"Numb" -

that word forms the core of my sense of ambiguity, suggesting both freedom from pain but also a deadness, which is not desirable.

RSScheerer

17 years 9 months ago

cords

Great to see something up from you again. There is a symbolism to this piece that gives it a sense of intrigue; an enigma for the mind to solve. Even before your explanation, there was a sense of familiarity to the words. I agree with Arrow regarding "once" and "never" - "once" isn't necessary. The line reads better without it and the poem flows more smoothly. Best, ~ Ronda

whitetea

17 years 8 months ago

I don’t know what to say.

I don't know what to say. I am in love with this. "you wear the day in transfer i’ve never seen you bound once" Great beginning. I love poetry that introduces its own reality. once again I am in love with this.