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R

LOST IN TIME!

On shore of the ocean
sitting on a rock
i started writing love poems
to recollect my lost love.

I started writing
thinking her
imagining her
and creating her
in my anxious mind.

The thoughts of love
just started flickering once
and disappearing once
playing hide and seek
irritating my poem.

Still concentrating
on my beautiful creation
with a lot of love.

Many days and nights
i worked on her
writing a poem
as beautiful as her
wasting dozens of papers

After coming to a conclusion that
i cant write a poem
more beautiful than her
i rose on my legs
and trying to come out
of my imagination
I saw the time for the first time
after so many days.
Seeing the watch
my imagination became terrified
thoughts everything destroyed
no ideas coming
I AM LOST IN TIME!

What to do now...
thinking so i sat crying on the rock
suddenly i saw a body
in the shade of dying sun
very familiar body language and all
no doubt a women,
a hundred questions
in my brain...

She is my creation
walking across the waves
towards me.

She asked me
Why are you in my imagination?

— rohith, Jul 25, 2008

Critiques

N

Naoemi

17 years 12 months ago

seems that you are really

seems that you are really inlove..!LOL hmm... I like the way you wrote your poem... somewhat monotonous but it's good and great.! please try to drop by on my account and comment on my poem..! thanks a lot!
D

Darya

17 years 12 months ago

I have just joined and

I have just joined and somehow I found my way to your poem. It is beautiful and it is sweet.
E

easylife_2

17 years 12 months ago

Nice job done

I like the passion emanating from the poem and particularly the ending.
P

poewriter58

17 years 12 months ago

may I

suggest instead of "on shore of the ocean" you might try At the oceans shore The entire second stanza need a bit of work her, her and her three times in a row becomes redundant again once and once you can drop the second once and still hold the meaning of the lines . as beautiful as her should read as beautiful as she I saw the time for the first time and on till the end of the stanza is not making very much sense to me . What is it you want to say? nice twist there on the last line very well said these are only suggestions use what you will one last item "i"="I" Chrystie

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