Bird Trapped In A Parking Garage

so brings this home. Powerful. Thanx, Chuck PS: If I were titling this, I'd leave out the "Poor"---and that simply because it makes the ending of the piece even more of a surprise than it already is. (Consider this PS a suggestion, of course. You do what you want. I've already voted you maximum possible score.)

I really like it,the rhyming got at me.Thanks

Smiles:) Barbara Great title, rhyming flowed well from beginning to end. i imagine birdie building a nest in the corner of the garage somewhere. Outstanding poem very descriptive. enjoyed it a lot

The poem itself is good, nice rhyme. the title could use more of a punch something that will capture your readers eye Like Why Must you Die? or survial of the fittest? your title shouldalways capture the reader Your first line holds them so they want to read more Chrys

A lighhearted poem here that made me smile . You have a very good point about the title.

Once again I blame Christinsanity "Thou shalt have dominion over the birds and the beasts" Your poetry is improving by leaps and bounds, I used to find it a bit impersonal. cheers, Jess

Jess is a broken record. Michael, I have spent 5 minutes looking and reading this, then looking and re reading because something in the second stanza was bugging me and finally I put my finger on it! it is this... Your "little" heart is pumping Your "little" mind is reeling I think if you used another word in one of those two lines than little it would sound a bit better. Something like this... Your "frightened" heart is pumping Your "little" mind is reeling Or something similar. Do you see what I mean? Other than that I love this poem. It may just be me this bothers and I almost didn't pinpoint what it was that wasn't quite there for me. Enjoyed it even though it is really sad. Respectfully, Rett: "Life is like a beach. Salty, gritty, somewhat fishy and at other times, downright crabby!" Rett 2008.

I agree with Rett on the word change, maybe not what he suggested but changing one of the "littles"... I work in a big plant with huge bay doors and birds are always getting in with no idea on how to get back out... although eventually they do but in a parking garage I can see the inevitable end for the bird.. sad... Richard

I think it is an improvement in that it is not exactly the same word, but it has the same meaning.. sorry to be such a thorn for this strong write about life and death... I love the line about the heart but tiny is covered in the next line with little.. don't you imagine that birds heart was beating so fast it was about to jump out of his/her chest... I suggest a thesaurus... sorry if that doesn't help.. Richard

there you go... and you wrote it.. I don't really like to offer exact words although I do it sometimes, I'd rather offer an idea, and at times they pan out...yes.. much better... Richard

That is it sir. Perfect word and now there is nothing about it that says to me "something isn't right". It makes more sense Little is covered and being a bird you already recognize it is small. I like it sir. Respectfully, Rett: "Life is like a beach. Salty, gritty, somewhat fishy and at other times, downright crabby!" Rett 2008.

If I were you I would help the bird fly back to the sky. I would open the garage door or the windows ..........I would do my best to set that bird free. Rather than watch and write such a weird poem......... Sorry but I do not get this kind of poetry.......... May be I am not wired properly By the way, are we allowed to critique on the poem or are we only allowed to make some corrections in terms of grammar .spelling .etc.......? I am new and I am not sure how things work here......... Darya

Perfect allegory. Glad I read it. Cheers, Anna p.s. if I wrote it I'd write: "how hard you must struggle"