Enchanted Grapevine

loved the title to this piece.. she flee? maybe .. mice flee or were you going for an image of a little girl picking berries? if so I had an idea about how to achieve that as well.. loved the snake and the berries, the blackberries have had their time around here for this year but they were especially good. Richard

to change that lovely title a bit and add an s to flee. Emma's grapevine enchantment. I only picked Emma because that is my youngests name.. I love the Haiku form but sometimes if you play with the title you can give information to your poem without adding syls. just an idea that came to me thanks to being here at Neo.. you may hate the idea and that's all right because I don't know that I would want to change that title... Maybe you could work your sisters name in the poem instead.. I don't know, sorry if that didn't help. Richard

from the comments more than the poem, perhaps it need not be a haiku? Just a little extra line, maybe, the moment of realisation of the presence of the predator? cheers, Jess

cheers, Jess

This is better Barbara. Rett: "A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on." Winston Churchill

much clearer Barbara... I like what you ended up with here.. very descriptive short piece... Richard