RSScheerer

Jul 19, 2008 ⭐ See this poem's read count — a supporter feature

isolated

i stood beneath the crescent of the moon and screamed

until my vocal cords might shatter and prayed my mind

might finally be cleared of all the thoughts and anguish and insanity

that unfold to fill every crack and hole and empty space

inside of me that have always been there and probably

always will but god sometimes i want to rip it out

of me and throw it to the ground and stamp the horrible

life out of its offensive form until it is nothing but a ruined

corpse of the entity that has possessed me and controlled me

and afflicted me for so long that i cannot fathom what my life

might constitute if it did not reside inside me if it had not

grown into such a prodigious part of my existence imagining

a future where i descry years of enduring additional torture

until the fissures beneath my skin fracture and i explode

into millions of particles that ultimately coalesce with

the cosmos setting me free of a life i could never learn to live

— RSScheerer, Jul 19, 2008

About the Author

Region, Country: Near Springfield, Illinois, USA

Favorite Poets: Sylvia Plath, Edgar Allen Poe, Merrit Malloy

Critiques

Synchro

18 years ago

This is a very arresting

This is a very arresting piece, poetic in its blast of open personhood...something that could never come out sincerely in prose. I like it very much because it is so personal...so graphic in its sincerity. Yours in peace, (Cynthia McKinney for president) Synchro

RSScheerer

18 years ago

Synchro

I'm really floored. Out of anyone, you would have been the last person I would have picked to like this piece. I consider it an honour. Obviously, this was written on a particularly bad night. Really, thank you so much for your honesty. ~ Ronda

Barbara Writes

18 years ago

Breathless

Smiles:) Barbara Scream I feel like doing right now. not because of your poem great poem, but without punc and breaks it like reading it all in one breathe.

RSScheerer

18 years ago

One breath

is exactly how it is supposed to be read. Good catch, Barbara. It's about suffocation from a world closing in and the desperate attempt to break free. Thanks for reading and your comments. ~ Ronda

Barbara Writes

18 years ago

Rhonda

Smiles:) Barbara I must say this is my life ever sense I could remember as a child. Without my crazy ways and "isolation" there would be no me.

RSScheerer

18 years ago

Exactly

That is part of what the poem says as well. Thanks, Barbara. ~ Ronda

IKnowNoBox

18 years ago

The frantic rush, well captured

on a hard drive one has to feel the dumps sometime to remember the trip, and here you have a few jolting verses, that do just that. In ink, Dabbler

RSScheerer

18 years ago

thanks, Dabbler

it's good to see you around again. I appreciate you taking the time to read and comment! ~ Ronda

themoonman

18 years ago

Hi Ronda...

I love the way it is one thought and when read out loud it is so good... out of breath now as I've read it three times... Richard

RSScheerer

18 years ago

thanks, Richard

I wasn't sure this piece was finished when I posted it, but it seems that it's being understood as it was written. ~ Ronda

weirdelf

18 years ago

oh, yes. I kept visualising Munch's painting

"The Scream" after I read it. Powerful and lucid enough to someone who has been there, I think this would even reach those who haven't. Yes, simply breath-taking. cheers, Jess T.

rider68

18 years ago

Oh Ronda

Those continuing mind games, the brain working in overdrive, questioning the very essence of what and why, and that emptiness of no joined up answers, I sit half in that place constantly, the other half trying to focus, on the immediate and try to fill the my day with short term goals, as daft as making a phone call, or setting a works Program, I could go on, This really came across very well, A real sense of everything and nothing, a haplessness of what we feel, Take care…..wishing you a better day, Kindest Regards Peter ~~~~~~~~~Creativity Is to think more efficiently~~~~~~~~~~

Candlewitch

18 years ago

You have completely captured

You have completely captured the pain of isolation, and that which isolates us. I understand more than I want to. Excellent work. Always, Cat

RSScheerer

18 years ago

Jess, Peter, Cat

With relief, I can say that things are much better than they were the night this piece was written. However, these feelings never disappear, as you well know. Thank you all for reading, but more importantly, for understanding. ~ Ronda

Rett

18 years ago

WOW

My wife doesn't particularly care for poetry, she just tolerates my vice, but even she liked this. She said it captured what she feels almost every single day. If all that is happening in her it is a wonder she is still alive. So, on the basis of that and my own vision this one planted I must say. WOW! This is awe inspiring and eye opening. Rett: Whenever I meet and Atheist I think of...nothing at all.

RSScheerer

18 years ago

Rett

I wrote this mostly to clear my own head, but also to allow others a glimpse inside the mind of someone who lives this nightmare every day of their life. The human mind is amazing, but it can also be a vice. I'm very honored that your wife read this piece. Thank you. ~ Ronda

Ashfae

18 years ago

Breathtaking and well

Breathtaking and well caught. It's hard enough to wrap your head around that sensation at the time, much less to capture it in words and pin it to paper. Very powerful. Tiny suggestion, I wonder if "might finally be cleared of all the thoughts and anguish and insanity" would be better with just two of those three (ideally anguish and insanity) (ideally? Oh dear). That line sticks out a bit both literally and metaphorically, for some reason it distracted me.

RSScheerer

18 years ago

Thanks, Ash

I appreciate your comment and suggestion. The thing is, this is how my brain worked when it was written, including those three words. It was literally what my mind was screaming, word for word. You know, the one line that bothers ME the most is the last. I don't like it. But, I kept true to what was racing through my head, so I wrote it. Best, ~ Ronda

Ashfae

18 years ago

Yeah, I figured it was word

Yeah, I figured it was word for word experienced...sometimes it's best to tell things just as they happened, without polishing. 'Twas but a thought. I think the last line needs to stay. I can see why it might bug you, but the poem needs it. Tons of hugs, by the way. Hope these days are as few and far between as possible.

barbsdad2003

18 years ago

Love this!

Wonderfully designed piece, esp with both the all lower case ... and the explosiveness of a one-breath utterance (and read). Makes it authentic to the nth. Does what poetry's so equipped to do ... but only when done well. Yours, Chuck PS: By the way, Mr. Nitppicky's buggin' me, wants vocal chords to read vocal cords.

RSScheerer

18 years ago

Mr. Nitppicky

He may want "cords" but those are the things I plug in to make my electronics work. "Chords" are the human vocal material around here. *L* At least the explosive one-breath, all lower-case didn't drive him nuts! I wouldn't have been able to live with myself! ;) Thanks, Chuck. Best, ~ Ronda

barbsdad2003

18 years ago

Sometimes my being ...

at the library's a boon. I've got all these reference works available to wade through. For example, Webster's Collegiate Dict. Tenth and Eleventh Editions, Webster's Third New International Dict. (Unabridged), Oxford American, Oxford English, American Heritage Dictionary. They all agree with vocal cords. No h. In fact, the Oxford English Dict. includes a comment "The correct term is vocal cords, not vocal chords." (I gather from that that vocal cords is frequently misspelled as vocal chords; otherwise the remark would be unnecessary.) To quote from Webster's as to definition of vocal cords: "either of two pairs of folds of mucous membranes that project into the cavity of the larynx and have free edges extending dorsoventrally toward the middle line." The term popped into existence, evidently, in 1852 (I remember well that year; other things occurred then too). From a heavy book of quotations comes but one nugget: "Brutus seemed no more than a resounding set of vocal cords wrapped up in a toga." ---John Mason Brown In sum, Mr. Nitpicky'd like you to reconsider your original spelling of the term. Thanx, Chuck

RSScheerer

18 years ago

Hmmm.

That's a lot of reference material. I don't doubt Mr. Nitpicky one bit, but every biology book that I have ever known (or look up today) still spells (or misspells) the human vocal chords. Mr. Nitpicky and I will have to come to a standoff and agree to disagree on this one. Thanks, Chuck! ~ Ronda

weirdelf

18 years ago

My only problem with good friend

and great poet, Chuck, is that he can assemble a great array of reference but billabong still means "place of water" and can not be dry gulch. (that is an argument over a year old) chord is correct. Chuck, my dear, you can be wrong. Cheers, Jess

barbsdad2003

18 years ago

No Contest

Jess, this is total bullshit. If this is how you treat your "friends," I would hate to be your enemy! I think your obvious jealousy is astounding. I don't give a flying fuck what you think about the definition or definitions of the word billabong. There is no continuing argument on that, as far as I'm concerned. It's only you who keeps bringing it up. Of course I can be wrong about something in life. I need you to point that out for me? I think I accept correction very well, actually, with grace and thanks. But I am not wrong in this case. No two ways about it, no difference in style around the world, no common variance making its way into a dictionary. Unlike you, I don't harbor a weird apparent disdain for dictionaries nor for people who rely upon them. I would think that any wanna-be poet would keep a reliable dictionary close at hand and also would appreciate a simple spelling correction from a fellow poet offering improvement. I thought Ronda would take the correction well, and I was wrong. I thought you would first check your facts and get this one right, and again I was wrong. Disappointing in both instances. A vocal cord is a string in the body, not a sound. A stretch to say vocal chords would have to refer to the musicality of the voice, for example, but never the actual physical cords in the body. This is one of the most basic spellings kids learn in school. I'm embarrassed for anybody who gets it so blatantly wrong. But if you or anybody else wants to keep promoting incorrect spelling for its own sake, have at it! Chuck

weirdelf

18 years ago

wow! proud to provoke such a passionate response

you are still wrong on billabong, always will be. Respect the indigenous language. Chord cord I don't care about. Will never accept any American dictionary over another. Tend to accept the complete Oxford over any other because it gives sources without arrogantly replacing original meaning. Your American dictionaries are just as culturally imperialist as American foreign policy. Think about it, look at it, it's true. I am surprised you haven't recognised it for yourself. Really, very surprised. Right or wrong, chord was the right spelling for this poem. Just once Mr. Pedantic was wrong. I am your friend and we have disagreed before. I do not dissemble when I call you one of the major poets and linguists on the site. Allow me to disagree with you. and especially look at your American dictionaries in terms of the long-term aggressive policy of American imperialism. cheers, Jess

barbsdad2003

18 years ago

This "argument" ...

is not about rightness/wrongness, Jess. That's the wrong bone you're picking at. And I think you know it. Chuck PS: I've commented already at your "American Imperialism through control of English [sic]" (a title more properly spelled, of course, as American Imperialism Through Control of English). Interesting you mention Oxford, as I'd already included it in my short list of references above.

RSScheerer

18 years ago

Chuck

Approximately 24 hours before the comments left by you or Jess were posted, the spelling had been changed. I would have thought you might notice this fact before mentioning that I would or would not take correction well. My own research after your first comment did provide a variant in which either spelling could be considered correct. However, after you and Synchro mentioned that it had specifically caught your attention, I decided to take the advice of two fellow poets and concur with the spelling stated as correct. This change occurred due to the fact that I respect and appreciate your time and suggestions, accepting them as constructive and supportive in nature. I thought that perhaps this should be mentioned before you became too disappointed in this particular wanna-be poet. Best ~ Ronda

Synchro

18 years ago

Hate to gang up on you Ronda

but it does seem that "chord" nearly always defines simultaneous multple pitches, and used in any other way is a "variant."....so I'll have to agree with Chuck...Citing biology text references as an authority for spelling usage may be impressive, but science texts are often wrong, and are subject to errors beyond their scientific expertise when it comes to English usage. I find it interesting that this example is the reverse of another common error of many ordinary people...the use of "cord" for "chord" in the harmonic sense...but alas, good usage gets more corrupted almost daily, it seems. Carelessness abounds even among the college-educated, and there is little excuse for that! But all this is said to you both with affection and respect. Yours in peace, (Cynthia McKinney for president) Synchro

RSScheerer

18 years ago

Done

To appease you, gentlemen. Not worth arguing over when it can be taken care of with the removal of one letter. Best to you both, ~ Ronda

Rett

18 years ago

And the winna is...

*S* the tag team match. For shame, ganging up on Ronda.*LOL* Rett: "A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on." Winston Churchill

RSScheerer

18 years ago

Hey.....

I had to surrender. You know what they say, Rett. Age before beauty. *grin* Oh, I'm gonna pay for that one! *flees* ~ Ronda

Rett

18 years ago

Hey Ronda

I'm proud of you for respecting your elders. *G* Rett: "A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on." Winston Churchill

Janice Pearce

18 years ago

Ronda

I thank you for sharing a glimpse of youself to so many of us Ronda. It took courage to post this and just wanted to let you know you opened my mind to a part of yourself that I would have not known otherwise~

RSScheerer

18 years ago

Janice

Unfortunately, all too much of my poetry comes from this part of me. I've learned that the light at the end of the tunnel consists of good friends and better support. Thank you for reading and leaving such a kind comment. ~ Ronda

weirdelf

18 years ago

Sorry Ronda,

really needed to address Chuck here, will open a forum on the argument. "American Imperialism through control of English" cheers, Jess

Barbara Writes

18 years ago

Such passion for a word

Smiles:) Barbara Had to look it up LOL Billabong It forms in wet seasons--- from the rivers of Australia, a maiden bathes.

barbsdad2003

18 years ago

Exactly

And sometimes they dry up.

Synchro

18 years ago

In any case, Ronda

I am not disappointed in you...and certainly this variation in spelling is no big deal. I was only contributing what I knew, and certainly not claiming to be an ultimate authority. You are always careful in your usage, and it shows....so I have absolutely no dispute with you. Yours in peace, (Cynthia McKinney for president) Synchro

RSScheerer

18 years ago

Synchro

If you scroll up a bit, you will notice that my response was a direct result of coming here tonight and reading the comments that had been left after the correction had been made. Whether or not the hurtful comments were directed towards me, I felt the need to respond with distinction and clarity. I do appreciate your contribution and do not really believe that anyone was claiming ultimate authority. Although my usage is indeed careful, this was obviously a slip somewhere within my educational system that needed correcting. My eyes have been opened in quite a few ways here tonight. Thank you, Synchro. My best ~ Ronda

barbsdad2003

18 years ago

Ronda

Congratulations on putting together such magnificent, well-written, dissembling commentary. I can see you’ve taken great pains to get everything just right. In fact, they are the best pieces you’ve posted at this site to date! Unfortunately for you, while you can try to hide behind your lofty reprimands all you like, the FACT that you have not taken well an innocent and very gently offered spelling correction remains evident in the pissy attitude you’ve chosen to strut around in your comments before and after you corrected the word at issue---conduct which is particularly unbecoming now that you’re displaying your new glamorous pose. Your talk of appeasing the gentlemen, the word is not worth arguing over, age before “beauty,” you had to surrender, and the fake cover story that your original version is in every biology book you’ve ever looked at is patronizing at the least and mean-spirited at the worst. I can take a joke as well as the next guy, but you have grabbed an opportunity to ridicule, and that insensitive brand of self-inflating humor is lost on me. I am not your inferior, and I won’t be treated as your inferior while you play the role of victim. Passionate for words and word play? Of course, as we all here should be. The jerk you want to paint me as just so you can benefit at my expense---that person, Ronda, is not I.

RSScheerer

18 years ago

Chuck

The problem with words on a screen is that they are easily taken out of context. My intention was never to belittle you, and I did take the correction seriously upon further consideration, which is why it was changed. Do you really think, after reading the rest of my work (which I now discover you think is worthless, if I am taking your comment in the correct context), that I meant anything more than it was the spelling I was taught over the years? If it hadn't been, the word would not have been spelled that way originally. You and Synchro suggested it was incorrect, and I conducted further research before changing the spelling. "Appeasing the gentlemen" wasn't meant as an insult. The "age before beauty" comment actually was meant as a joke, nothing more, as you and I have poked fun at one another in the past. I was not being spiteful or implying that I view you as an inferior. I've always respected you and your work and cannot for the life of me imagine what I have done to deserve this onslaught of vehemence. When I logged in last night and came to read the new comments here, I was both shocked and hurt to discover your thoughts in the previous statement. So yes, I did take care when I constructed my reply. I did so because I was attempting to respond professionally, while still conveying the fact that your words did indeed hurt. If there were some parts of my reply that seemed "pissy," it was due to the fact that I was specifically replying to your comments directed at me in your argument with Jess. In all fairness, I think that you are directing your anger at the wrong person, and I'm sorry if you feel that I deserve that anger. I am no victim and you are no jerk. My sincere apologies if this was your impression of my words. I do not "strut" and have never intentionally presented myself as "lofty." "Mean-spirited?" I cannot believe we are even having this conversation. I'm deeply sorry, Chuck. I don't know what else I can say. I hope that you will consider my apology as honest and we can forget this happened. If not, please know that I do respect you, have valued your opinion, and enjoyed your work. Sincerely, Ronda

Rett

18 years ago

Chuck

The age before beauty comment Ronda made was in response to my bantering comment and it was meant strictly as a joking comment to me. I enjoyed it in the sense it was meant since I am 56 myself thus I made the joke back at her that I was glad she respected her elders. Lighten up a little. It was just a by-play between her and I and not meant as an insult.O loved her poem and can see where she would make that one small error. I am not a highly educated person and always enjoy finding someone who knows enough to correct me. I have found chord and cord used to denote vocal cords in books I have read so I would assume by that, it is a common error. Take care and be well. I apologize if my bi-play with her caused you undo stress. It was not meant to be so. Rett: "A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on." Winston Churchill

weirdelf

18 years ago

Hey it is a wonderful poem

and our linguistic bickering can take nothing from it, respectfully, Jess

Quillsvein1

17 years 11 months ago

wow!

this is a blasting piece of confessional poetry--needless to say, i feel your pain offten. the poet standing alone in a world hostile to his (or her, in this case) flaming subjectivity clearly inspires your rage. but this is why we have sites like neopoet, i suppose: to get us out of our own heads and at least attempt to fill every "crack and hole and empty space", though it may not always do that. finally, some serious poetry. great job ronda (with no "h") :-) ! gb

RSScheerer

17 years 11 months ago

thanks!

At the time, it felt as if my own mind was conspiring against me; I was beating my fists on invisible walls and hating that part of me I seemed unable to control. This one always raises an interesting question from me ... if the bipolar is a vital part of who I am, providing me with that wild, creative streak ... do the medications which maintain it somehow stifle that part of me? I guess only I can answer that one. Best, ~ Ronda (you remembered!)*laughs*

Arrow

17 years 11 months ago

This seems like a dead-on

eloquent expression of a mixed state. I particularly like the choice of the word "descry." In line 4, should it be "unfold" rather than "unfolds"? Likewise, in line 5 "have" rather than "has"? I hope you're not offended. I assumed you meant you didn't want critique on punctuation. Great!

RSScheerer

17 years 11 months ago

Thanks, Arrow

Good catch, and I don't mind at all. You were absolutely correct on both counts. When I wrote this, it was pretty much running through my mind the way you see it here, and I never went back to edit anything. That meant completely missing the two grammatical errors you spotted. Best, ~ Ronda

Rett

17 years 11 months ago

Ronda

I just re-read this and I am still struck at how good it is. Something this good and with so many comments should have been in spotlight and I don't understand why it isn't. Respectfully, Rett: "On life; Ah such a wondrous thing, beauty and love to behold and experience! On death; I can wait to see..." Rett 2008.

RSScheerer

17 years 11 months ago

Rett

I appreciate your thoughtfulness. I'm sort of a "stay out of the spotlight" kind of gal, though. Shadows and I get along just fine. ;) ~ Ronda

Arrow

17 years 11 months ago

Too bad

A lot of people would be moved by this. Sometimes, other people can express our feelings in a way we wish we could. This experience is hard to put words to.

Linda Moses

17 years 11 months ago

Rhonda

Your are in good, actually great, company. Such as Winston Churchill, and I think Abraham Lincoln. I did read your poem practically all in one breath. So you conveyed your feelings well. About the medicine, I don't know. I've been a nurse for 28 years, there's a lot I don't know. Let your light shine

RSScheerer

17 years 11 months ago

Thank you, Linda

My psychologist often tells me the same thing; many famous artists, poets, etc., experienced some sort of mental "challenges." I doubt that I'll ever be famous, but I appreciate the company. :) Thank you for your kind words and understanding. Best, ~ Ronda

orgami

17 years 11 months ago

the moment of being

this poem rips my artistic side my sickness my artificial emergence my walls the pain the pressures the flights of freedom the crush of insanity the brilliance when words merge from one world to another Neopoet lets us tell it lets us discuss it i waver every other day coming here for my count reading what i can posting when I find the amazing like this abstract lately depressed pages from the past still this poem grabs me from me Wow! what descriptive emotions and feelings

weirdelf

17 years 11 months ago

Ronda, I have not written much lately, lke you

wish you would write more , cheers, Jess

Ink Dragon

17 years 7 months ago

Ronda, it has been said before

that the breathlessness of that piece is its most prominent feature. I agree wholeheartedly and would like to add that you have, once more, captured your emotions in such a way that they jump at any person reading the poem. But what is that spelling discussion? Getting worked up about one letter? People I like and respect? You know I have reacted harshly when my pieces were commented on as faulty in any way, but I explained to you at the time that my harshness was completely unintentional. I do understand why you were saying what you did, after all, it´s your poem, and you feel protective about it. What I don´t understand is how ungracefully the others took it. Plus, I thought I was a pain in the bum about spelling, and have just found out that there are some even worse than me... Dear Chuck and Jess, I do hope you have buried the hatchet about that one (and the ominous billabong discussion to boot). Regards to all of you, your mutual friend ID

RSScheerer

17 years 7 months ago

ID

Fortunately, we all respect one another, both as authors and friends. What originated as a misunderstanding has been over for some time. I appreciate your comments and insight, as always. You seem to recognize that darker, more sensitive side of me that all too often creeps into my words. love, ~ Ronda

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