Emptiness

Listening for the sound ,
of footsteps that will never come again.

The quiet in the night, that fills the heart,
knowing with the suns return
that emptiness will burn.

The cold lonely days of winter are bitter.
The hardness of heart will splinter.

Desolate arms hold nothingness,
while the sheets are white with regret,
a whisper of desires not met.

A melody, to faint to recall.
a warning to lovers, not to fall.

Now comes the ache from within,
now we realize love is lost...again.

— autumnphoenix, Jul 16, 2008

About the Author

Country/Region: USA

Critiques

Candlewitch

18 years ago

I enjoyed the imagery used

I enjoyed the imagery used in your style of writing. Always, Cat

autumnphoenix

18 years ago

Thanks

Hello, Thank you for reading my work. I am pleased ti recieve feedback. I have just these last few months let anyone read my work. Thanks again. Dana

themoonman

18 years ago

Hi...

I too liked the images used, liked the whole poem.. I just have a couple of suggestions.. when using commas they most often replace connecting words, I notice you've used both in a few of your lines.. try reading your second stanza to yourself without the "thats".. I believe it makes it read better.. of course it is entirely up to you.. also, A melody too faint to recall, a warning to others not to fall. I think the content was very good.. and the title as well.. Richard

autumnphoenix

18 years ago

Thank You

Hello, Your suggestion answers my question. When I wrote the poem it did not have the word "that" in the sceond stanza. I added it when I submitted it. I thank you for your agreement. I will remove it and go back to the original. Dana

zarul

18 years ago

lovely one from u

i loved the imagery used in here but, wat i can say is this whole poem need a slight improvement. i cannot comprehend on which part, but u better revised and take a watchful look on this poem again. U as the writer may know wat i'm talking about. Thank u.

autumnphoenix

18 years ago

Thanks

Hello, I thank you for reading my work and taking the time to comment. I have reread the piece and wondered if you could be a little more direct in your suggestion. Thanks again, Dana

weirdelf

17 years 11 months ago

delightful sounds trite, especially for a sad poem

Your use of language is exquite. I can not offer criticism. You made me feel. cheers, Jess

autumnphoenix

17 years 11 months ago

saddness and pain

As we know saddness and pain have been known to give beautiful things. I won't list them here but I think you know some of them. I think you know alot about beauty. Thanks for the read Jess. Dana p.s. I read your poem on aliens, have left comment.

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