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R
rider68
Jul 19, 2008 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Hall Of Mirrors

We stood;
eyes staring glancing around,
Stealing glimpses, stolen
from reflecting mirrors,
I felt a rush, a flush,
I was all of a blush,
Feeling slightly meek,
I wanted to speak; But
Would she find – 
Or take me for a freak,
What a place, to chance a meet,

Heart now pounding
I want to grovel at her feet,
But they look like 6, kippered feet
Imagination slips out of sync,
Sighting, drooping eyes,
her lips look as though
they’ve been sucked through her teeth,
and I thought,
that I was the freak,

The once slinky image
is now scaring the pants out of me,
Help,
I need to escape, I’d run,
As this is now no longer fun,
I just want my mum,
I’ve delved to a place,
like kaleidoscope hell
Mind twirling……….”Com-On Wake Up”
“What”……”you were dreaming; it’s time to go,”
“Oh, sorry love, I must have nodded off”,
 

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Country/Region: GBR

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Comments

Candlewitch

Candlewitch

17 years 9 months ago

:)

I laughed so hard reading this poem that I snorted my coffee! It came as totally unexpected. Great job, Peter. Always, Cat
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rider68

17 years 9 months ago

Thanks Cat

If that was your reaction, then i am more than pleased, Thanks for your honesty, and they say laughter is good, hope you didn't burn yourself, Loving Respects Peter ~~~~~~~~~Creativity Is to think more efficiently~~~~~~~~~~
RSScheerer

RSScheerer

17 years 9 months ago

Hall of Mirrors

Ah, dreams and the stuff of nightmares. Nicely twisted, Peter. Suggestions or things that caught my attention: The first three lines have a lot of repetition in them, staring, glancing, stealing, stolen, reflecting mirrors - all things that say the same thing twice. See what you think of this - "eyes glancing around, Stealing glimpses from mirrors" First line of second stanza, "Heart now pounding" works, it's not necessary to make it a contraction. Line five, same stanza, no apostrophe in "eyes" As I said, just things that specifically caught my attention as I read; really rather minor. Best, ~ Ronda
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rider68

17 years 9 months ago

Hi Ronda

Thanks I must learn to be more self critical, before posting, I tend to be a bit lapsed at times; I get caught up in the theme and flow, I have corrected eye's to eyes, and hearts's to heart, But for the moment the repetition of the beginning stanza, feels some-what right for the pre - and past tense of stealing and stolen, To be honest, this was put together in a moments thought, somewhat tongue in cheek, But if some suggestions could /were offered, i would gladly consider changing, Thank you as always, for your continued support, Kindest Regards Peter ~~~~~~~~~Creativity Is to think more efficiently~~~~~~~~~~
Rett

Rett

17 years 9 months ago

Holy Cow

and assorted other saying. A masterpiece of comedy. Taking the reader one way and ending up another. I bow to a master sir! Superb! 5/5 from me. Rett: Nancy Astor: “Sir, if you were my husband, I would give you poison.” Churchill: “If I were your husband I would take it.”
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rider68

17 years 9 months ago

Hi Rett

In fairness Sir, This was partly due to you, having read some of your own humerous works, got me to thinking, So with you in mind, the following was penned, if read i thought that you would find this somewhat amusing, to which you have, Thank-you, Take care and very best regards, Peter ~~~~~~~~~Creativity Is to think more efficiently~~~~~~~~~~
B

barbsdad2003

17 years 9 months ago

A clever ...

write by a clever person. Hear, hear! My hat's well doffed. Bravo! Thanx, Chuck
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rider68

17 years 9 months ago

Thanks Chuck

If it brought a smile to your face, then my work has been a small success, thanks for taking the time to comment, Take care and very best regards, Peter ~~~~~~~~~Creativity Is to think more efficiently~~~~~~~~~~
infinite_dwarf

infinite_dwarf

17 years 9 months ago

Peter!

Ahhh, the lovely distortions found in the carnival mirror house. Second to last stanza was the most hilarious, I think. This was good for a much-needed laugh - it's been a strange month.... ~Jess K. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ ~"Save the trees, wipe your ass with an owl..." ~"The grass may be greener on the other side, but it still needs to be mowed..."
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rider68

17 years 9 months ago

Thanks Jess

I can’t remember the last time that i actually walk into the mirror house, but would have been when the kids were growing up, This was one of those momentary thoughts, glad that you saw the humour, It's good to smile, or so they say, well someone said, Thanks Jess, Loving Regards.......Peter ~~~~~~~~~Creativity Is to think more efficiently~~~~~~~~~~
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rider68

17 years 9 months ago

Hi Richard

Thanks for reading; your feedback is what i was hoping to achieve, Take care my Friend, very best Regards, Peter ~~~~~~~~~Creativity Is to think more efficiently~~~~~~~~~~
Rett

Rett

17 years 9 months ago

Congrats

on a well deserved spotlight my friend! Rett: Whenever I meet and Atheist I think of...nothing at all.
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rider68

17 years 9 months ago

Thanks Rett

I am very surprised that this should be spotlighted, I can only thank all of you, Great Forum Great People, Peter ~~~~~~~~~Creativity Is to think more efficiently~~~~~~~~~~
weirdelf

weirdelf

17 years 9 months ago

Thank you Peter,

I appreciate also seeing another aspect of your poetic nature. cheers, Jess
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rider68

17 years 9 months ago

Thanks Jess

Not so an open book, i still have one or two pages yet to be seen, But did i make you smile?..... Take care Jess.....A mate from pommy land, Peter ~~~~~~~~~Creativity Is to think more efficiently~~~~~~~~~~