REACHING UP FOR THE STARS (revised)

Hello Zarul..you are on your way to be a great poet one day...just carry on..very good inspiring work. Rahbar.

Johor Keep on the search and you will find it right inside of you. My good friend. T. Reflexion

You are a work in progress. He who conquers self has won a great battle. a very thoughtful poem

To judge and to be judged, The how's and why's are somewhat,............. to each his own, Are you a poet, thats a question only you can decide, the journey for some is a long and arduous road, The heights of penning and writing which means and flows so well and says so much, will come in time, Reading other works, being self critical justifying each thought, each penned line, For me I approach a subject, or a thought, like a piece of art, That bare canvas, staring back at you, your thoughts and words are my palette paint the picture, create the depth, the thought, it may take days, weeks, you may not have the mind set at that point of time, there's no rush, leave it, then before you know it, you will be drawn back, the effort and wait is always rewarding,......But as i said, to each his own, Good luck and Best Regards Peter ~~~~~~~~~Creativity Is to think more efficiently~~~~~~~~~~

Well thought out. nicely executed. You are coming along nicely. I think you are going to be very good. Here are a couple of things to try to stretch yourself. See if you can take this poem and shorten it to say 3 or 4 verses and still say what you are thinking. Be brutal with yourself and see what parts are unnecessary and which are essential. Do a total rewrite and try to condense it and still get your point across. You can do it. I have faith in you. You are good enough to do it. Now, on to a personal pet peeve of mine. Lose the caps when replying and only capitalize the words that require it. Keep it up. You are doing great! Rett: "At twenty, if you are not a Liberal, you have no heart. At Thirty, if you are not a Conservative, you have no brain." Winston Churchill

Line one and two are goo lines keep them line 3---Gazing upon the stars the word gazing gives more of an illusion omit the word up as the word upon staes (up on) line 4---- Lying on a carpet of grass line5--- silently wishing on each comet line6--- try this line see how you like it As I drown in this maze called the universe line7---leave this line as is line 8----combine line 8& 9 perhaps like this Will I be able to reach those stars and my dreams line10-----leave that in there line11------A profound yearning is waiting to get the BETTER of me I've just combined lines 11&12 ( Profound is one of my favorite words it is a strong word) line 13-----An abundance of questions play in my mind line 14----leave this line alone line 15----combine 15 & line 16 At this young age , I still search for myself line 17--------leave that line alone line18 and 19 can be one line God, shine your coruscating light on me Love that word even I had to look that one up lol 20---drop the word to just use show me 21-------Bless me WITH a guardian angel 22---leave this line out ( you pretty much stated this ) 23--- leave the way it is 24--- leave this in also except change tortuous to treacherous lines 25-29 don't touch these lines 30-36 omit all of this it repeats what you have already stated leave the next stanza as is lines 37-40) leave your last stanza in as is re write with suggestions send it in a PM to me before you post it so we can go over the re write excellent effort on this one Zarul Chrystalie

Re your "God has show me the way": Do you mean to say here "must show me"? I'm confused somewhat by the "has show me." Otherwise, I second what others have commented here, especially Peter and Rett. Yours, Chuck PS: My advice? Keep on writing. Don't give up. On the other hand, if you do give up, please come back to it. Doing well at poetry takes time, careful study, a steady willingness to share, an authentic heart ... and lots of talent (which I think you have) doesn't hurt.

play in my mind change apprehend to understand now it totally depends on me also add revised after the title perhaps the folks that read it before would like to see the revisions just these minor corrections You've done quite well with your poem it reads smoohtly and makes sense Chrystalie

look forward to seeing what you do with it. cheers, Jess

one last correction "God has SHOWN or God WILL SHOW me the way" and I don't see anymore that can be done beautiful piece you did well on this one Chrys

We all feel, or have felt these emotions only to find struggle, to be the best remedy into real life. Once you surmount you will know the joys of true life in action. Congrats you have an excellent poem with a superb opening. Reach out for the stars.