Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

At Middlepool Falls

At Middlepool Falls

The Ilnor Gorge on Eskant's Plain
Strikes a concordant, slow, refrain
Of oaths uttered in denial
Against all anguish and trial
Which seek to quell every wonder
And weigh the soul with drab plunder.

I settle there and contemplate
These spectacles that stir debate
And peer and ponder over edge
And hesitate, upon the ledge,
To seek a path and to explore
The visions at the gorge's floor.

Beneath a sky, torn asunder,
Lie brilliant bright peals of thunder
That concuss the air in leisure
And eclipse from sight all treasure
That falls from firmament to plain
Like diamonds hidden in the rain.

I stand and count the steps of jade
That illuminate and cascade
The winding path, a league or more,
And cataract against the shore;
A pool of ardor, calm as ice,
With languid, heart rending advice.

Jaded steps wind down the chasm
Constructing this bright phantasm.
Each trod upon the coiling path
Incurs a formless, benign, wrath
Against deceit and faithlessness
And treachery and soft transgress.

A thousand steps above my head,
Twenty-nine fold this yet to tread.
I pause along the chasm's wall
And contemplate the water's fall
From lip of plain to gorge's floor
And tremble from its son'rous roar.

Like a crash of rhinoceri
That bellows through the hollow sky,
That pervades like focused fury
And dispels all fret and worry,
It echoes on enchanted plain,
And carves Desire in the rain.

I halt and gaze and taste the wind
And find myself a bit chagrined
For though the journey is the goal
I've heard for years pilgrims extol
Each step, each glimpse, each misty kiss
And then I feel, from the abyss,

Like waves of sweet inspiration
That bathe the soul in salvation
And clear the weary, stagnant, mind
And leave the heart so disinclined
To burden brow with fear or hate
Or seek to scorn or to berate.

As I attend this boulevard
With calm resolve and cool regard
I feel the chaste incantation
Like a shining celebration
On this journey of bright esteem
Devoid of any loathsome scheme.

And as the path winds and travels
To a floor of precious gravels
Ruby pebbles and sapphire stones
Coalescing in soothing tones
Sprinkled with a diamond dew;
A mesmerising grand tattoo.

A day, a night, eternity;
A festival, a jubilee.
As steps reel far above my brow
A moment's peace, if you'll allow,
As I away from stairs to jewel;
Bathe tired feet in fragrant pool.

All artifice is stripped away
Each second is a sep'rate day
Each breath a pure revelation
Each thought clear of trepidation.
Each ripple in the basin bright;
A stunning, moonless, star-clad night.

A league of wonder builds a crown
Of peerless marvel and renown
That quells despondency and dread
And weaves with adamantine thread
A cloak of hope that I'll bestow
To all I meet and all I know.
 

 

— Pugilist, Jul 11, 2008

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: Jacksonville area, FL, USA, USA

Favorite Poets: Keats, Kipling, Carroll, Yeats, Tolkien, Shakespeare

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

More from this author

Critiques

Jonathan Moore

Jonathan Moore

17 years 11 months ago

Thanks for the catch

It's amazing how many times I missed that. In my mind I pronounced "bathe" and that stanza has been in place for, literally, months. But I agree, the length is an issue. The whole thing is longer than I normally like but recently I have gotten requests to write longer works from some folks and this is one of the resultant selections. Again though, thanks for the catch and the time for the read. --Jonathan Annoying the world, one person at a time (Group discounts available)
weirdelf

weirdelf

17 years 10 months ago

Superb wordcrafting and poetry

I can see how you have opened yourself to Orgami's fu bi xing, while retaining a coherent form, very impressive. The length is not an issue because it flows so well, but it is out of your hands, the point of my latest piece "The process" Loved the way you built up to make the second last stanza work. This leaves me with feeling that I need to come back to it and read it again, and again. cheers, Jess
Jonathan Moore

Jonathan Moore

17 years 10 months ago

Thanks

Thanks Jess for the read and the kind comments. I'm glad you enjoyed it and that, especially, it left you with a desire to read it again. That, honestly, is my goal with my Flatearth inspired poems. I'm looking to create a tapestry of interconnected stories that build a mythology. As I'd mentioned in my initial comments, I have been trying to write this poem for years and have created, probably, 20 or so poems instead of this one. Some were good, some didn't survive the first stanza and this iteration was the result of nearly 6 months of work. As with much of what I write anymore, it was written out of order. Stanza were moved around, broken apart, inserted, etc until it flowed the way I wanted it to flow. I'm still uncertain about stanza 11 and may revisit it after the current version has had time to settle in my mind. But again, thanks for taking the time to read and comment, it is much appreciated. --Jonathan Annoying the world, one person at a time (Group discounts available)
weirdelf

weirdelf

17 years 10 months ago

ok, on re-reading a couple of minor points

You seem to lose the metre in a couple of places Against all heartache or trial needs an extra foot. pending trial? That seek to vanquish all wonder every wonder? Quick as fleeting, to be precise. to be precise? uh uh, you can do better than that. And embrace its sonorous roar. son'rous And then I feel from the abyss ? meaning unclear. reel form the abyss? To a floor of precious gravels gravel, can't be plural, screw matching travels All this is just nitpicking of course, its superbly crafted, eloquent imagery and even a shamanistic journey giving quality. cheers, Jess
Jonathan Moore

Jonathan Moore

17 years 10 months ago

Hey, nitpicking is appreciated

Seriously and honestly, it's why I stick around at NeoPoet, people with skill and talent give me free advice. Although this poem did take nearly 6 months to write, I only finished it about a week ago and there are still parts that engender uncertainty when I read it so I will take a hard look at your notes and make updates. Thanks again for the review and suggestions. --Jonathan Annoying the world, one person at a time (Group discounts available)
weirdelf

weirdelf

17 years 10 months ago

Something to consider

some of the most brilliant and famous poems in the English language could have been better if they had gone through neopoet. They are all flawed, brilliantly flawed, but flawed. Something to consider at your level when considering feedback. cheers, Jess
Jonathan Moore

Jonathan Moore

17 years 10 months ago

Understood

For while I appreciate advice and suggestions, I won't always implement them. Sometime it's a matter of artistic vision, sometimes the suggestion just doesn't fit the piece, and sometimes the suggestion spurs another thought. But when I get suggestions or comments concerning improvements from people who have talent, I listen, if only to give myself additional ideas and to see if I am making allowances for sections of a poem. People who critique poetry rather than just comment on it (LOVE IT!) are a God-send, if only because it makes the poet stop and think about intent and construction in the face of questions. --Jonathan Annoying the world, one person at a time (Group discounts available)
Jonathan Moore

Jonathan Moore

17 years 10 months ago

Gravels

I just couldn't let the suspect word go. It fit, in my mind, the intent of the picture I'm trying to build. As for the rest of the suggestions, I took them to heart and they spurred further reflection and checking and fixing until I lost track of how many changes I had made. And, finally, I fixed the end of stanza 11. I desperately wanted to keep the word mesmerising in place and managed to create a word order that allowed me to capture my intent and still keep the word. Thanks again for the comments and critique. --Jonathan Annoying the world, one person at a time (Group discounts available)