Sonnet 15

Days call me in your arms; my bones your cheeks
Put them on fire as were made of light,
But don’t remain too silent - silence speaks
To hopeless stories. Shall I go and fight
The stones of power? Cut my humble breath
Above some questions in the land of mute…
I took your picture from beyond a death
Like we picked petals from a dying root.
As a cascade your glance bursts in my eyes;
I won’t be full when lonely I shall stay
In rooms of pain, in chambers without skies
To feel the abyss with its endless way.
In vain your texture shows the frame of life,
When only naked beauty has a strife.

— Unlight, Jun 27, 2008

About This Poem

About the Author

Country/Region: Romania

Critiques

RSScheerer

17 years 11 months ago

Sonnet 15

Most prominent areas that raise questions or could use possible improvement: "Put them on fire as they were of wood" - "were made of wood" seems more logical. "With helpless mercy that we understood." - a change of tense here from present to past; something you can most likely explain. "As a cascade your eyes burst in my eyes" - eyes bursting in eyes; leaves an odd impression for the mind to comprehend. "To stare in abyss at an endless way" - "abyss" is a noun, "staring in and abyss at endless ways" might work, if it does not change your meaning. I love the final two lines. They sum up the piece nicely. Best, Ronda

Unlight

17 years 11 months ago

Ronda,

What do you think now, after improvements?

RSScheerer

17 years 11 months ago

It's better,

but I don't like it as well as some of the others - that will happen! The strongest images are in your conclusion; those are great. Best, Ronda