My Head In The Clouds

Smiles:) Barbara The image here is great, head in the clouds is a great title. not sure how the clouds would take you back though. I truly enjoyed anyway.

Original imagery. Original scenario. Intelligent logic and path. I find that the title is less original than the piece itself. A bit too obvious or classic for me. But one could argue effectively for either side of this coin. Titles that ring familiar to people are often revered and gain an instant sense of credibility. Also, Line 1: past tense Line 2-3:present tense Lines 4-7: past tense My suggestion is to stick with one tense. Past seems the most appropriate. Mixing tenses can be an intriguing structural feat if done with an appropriate intent. But to fluctuate for no seemingly helpful reason can be distracting for the reader and counterproductive. "the clouds would take me" - my favorite string of thought within the piece. -Daniel

that i am thrown by the word "won't" i think it should be "wouldn't have" but we need a professors opinion. =Daniel

Daniel is correct regarding the past/present tense. You are using multiple tenses and need to stick to one to keep the piece logical and consistent. Where "won't" is throwing Daniel (and it seems to be confusing you), consider "What if I followed the clouds to where they went, walking backwards? I wouldn't bump into anything, I wouldn't hurt myself Because I’d already know where I'd been. I’d leave my destination behind in front of me, Watch it grow smaller in the distance And then lose sight of it in a bend, And the clouds would take me back…" Personally, contractions drive me crazy in a poem. Taking the time to spell the word out intensifies the message for me and the words take on more meaning. "What if I followed the clouds to where they went, walking backwards? I would not bump into anything, I would not hurt myself Because I would already know where I had been. I would leave my destination behind in front of me, Watch it grow smaller in the distance And then lose sight of it in a bend, And the clouds would take me back…" Two different ways of looking at it; yours to choose. Nice piece, but I do think the title could be more original as well. Keep writing, you can only get stronger. Best, ~ Ronda

Both Ronda and Daniel have valid points. As for the title, I would go with something else. Like maybe, Walking Backwards, or Cloudy Thinking, or something more creative. All in all a very thought provoking poem and very likable. thanks for sharing. Rett: The perfect summer day is when the sun is shining, the wind is blowing, the birds are singing and the lawnmower is broken. "James Dent"

And then lose sight of it in a bend, And the clouds would take me back… I like this line. over all i liked the poem