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Sonnet 13

My eyes speak for my mouth. I'm struck as dumb
When skies are turning red like hearts of hell;
The sunsets grow in light and then become
A lonely place to die within a shell.
I measure sun by holding some of your
Hypnotic shades. Just touch the nails in dark,
And don't forget that time along with war
Kept flowers fading through a silent spark.
Why should we give a piece to them, when we
Could find ourselves in arms of one refrain,
But nowadays, my love, they are so free
To leave in death or hardly, to remain.
The depths are always what they're meant to be:
A land where only demons have the key.
— Unlight, Jun 22, 2008

About This Poem

About the Author

Country/Region: Romania

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Critiques

Janice Pearce

Janice Pearce

17 years 11 months ago

Unlight

Such beauty in your words. The only word that struck me funny was the last word, first line did you mean numb??
Unlight

Unlight

17 years 11 months ago

Janice,

I meant dumb as in voiceless. The word "key" strucks you funny? Greetings!
RSScheerer

RSScheerer

17 years 11 months ago

Sonnet 13

I knew instantly that you meant "dumb" as mute, but can see where it will cause confusion. A suggestion that may or may not help: "I am struck dumb" Nothing else here to question or suggest. Best, Ronda
P

poewriter58

17 years 11 months ago

beauty

The beauty of this sonnet is all that need be said excellent work Chrystalie
Unlight

Unlight

17 years 11 months ago

:|

A few minutes ago I had 6 votes and 4.7 average, now i have the same number of votes (6) and 4.3 avarage. Nice...
Mark

Mark

17 years 11 months ago

yours

hey Unlight ! I like your work here it is nice to the ears. I have a problem with "I measure sun by holding some of yours hypnotic shades" My mind wants to read "I measure sun by holding some of YOUR hypnotic shades" Can you help me out here? I shall return ! Mark
Unlight

Unlight

17 years 11 months ago

mark,

now you can read. greetings!
Mark

Mark

17 years 11 months ago

I was back

Now I disappear 'cause I was here :) Mark
S

Synchro

17 years 11 months ago

Not sure what the fuss was all about,

as your sonnet reads fine as it is. Makes perfect sense, except for line ll, where I don't think you need the quantitative "so". This is a pet peeve of mine...the vastly over-used "so"....and I know you need it for flow, but I'm sure you could find another way around it. Good work, Light. Yours in peace, (Cynthia McKinney for president) Synchro
Unlight

Unlight

17 years 11 months ago

Synchro,

Line 2: "When skies are turning red like hearts of hell;" I don't see any "so". :) The only "so" you can see in this text appears in line 11. Greetings!
S

Synchro

17 years 11 months ago

That was what I meant, Light

But it's a minor glitch....I very much appreciate this poem. Yours in peace, (Cynthia McKinney for president) Synchro
F

frangipangi

17 years 11 months ago

unworldly

Unlight your sonnets have such an unworldly beauty. You are a classical master, I pay homage to your craft. Thank you. Yours, Frangipangi In the dark with quivery lips, we whisper of a dark thing.
weirdelf

weirdelf

17 years 11 months ago

I am glad I overcame my prejudice

(with some stern suggestions from friends on the site) and started to read your work, it is superb. Nonetheless I think titles and a break between the first 8 and last 6 lines would help. I have no other suggestions. cheers, Jess
P

purplemoondoll

17 years 11 months ago

I really, really like this

I really, really like this poem. It flows like a dream and you have taken me on a beautiful journey. My only suggestion would be to change And to Now in 'And don't forget that time along with war'. It's just a personal thing but I prefer not to see a line start with 'and'...see what you think. Apart from that this is stunning - I love the lyrical voice and especially the closing line. Thank you. Kaz It's impossible to smile on the outside without feeling better on the inside.
Unlight

Unlight

17 years 11 months ago

Kaz,

I can't change "And" with "Now" because the structure "Just touch the nails in dark, And don’t forget that time along with war Kept flowers fading through a silent spark. " will fall. I'm glad that you found my sonnet stunning. Greetings!
Rett

Rett

17 years 11 months ago

Unlight

Beautiful work sir. Great flow, excellent language usage. Well done! Rett: It may look easy, when you look at me, But it took years of effort, to become the mess that you see John Fogerty