Than-Bauk - dreams

Lower your eyes;
wish from skies comes
and flies beneath

— Marius Surleac, Jun 21, 2008

About the Author

Region, Country: Romania, ROU

Critiques

RSScheerer

18 years 1 month ago

Marius

There's a beautiful image here, but it's elusive; possibly a difference between our language usage? To me it would read: "Lower your eyes; wishes from skies come and fly beneath" But I sense that this might change your personal meaning. Best, Ronda

Marius Surleac

18 years 1 month ago

Thank you very much Ronda

Hi Ronda! In fact I have used the singular form "wish" because: First it refers to the falling star, and when a star falls we put ourselves a wish. Secondly, if I put there wishes then the number of syllables will be different. This kind of structured form poem "Than-Bauk" has three stanzas each with 4 syllables and the rhyme goes like that: the rhyme is on fourth syllable of the first line, the third syllable of the second line and the second syllable of the third line. Thank you very much for your help - I appreciate it. Best wishes, Marius

RSScheerer

18 years 1 month ago

You just taught me another structured poem, Marius

You do realize, of course, that this means I will have to try it. I had a suspicion that it may be a form I wasn't familiar with. I like it very much and will attempt one very soon! Thank you. Best, Ronda

Marius Surleac

18 years 1 month ago

I am glad you liked it and I

I am glad you liked it and I wait to read your Than-Bauk poem as well. Best wishes, Marius

weirdelf

18 years 1 month ago

I am not sure of your intent, Than-Bauk is new to me too

does it mean that if we lower our eyes from wishing to the skies to the world around us our wishes will fly into view? If so it is perfect and lovely. If not, correct me. cheers, Jess

Marius Surleac

18 years 1 month ago

Sorry, my intent was that my

Sorry, my intent was that my poem to be more visual: when I said "lower" I meant to let down the eye view like into the mirror of the lake surface where I can see the falling stars which would be beneath my view if I watch the reflection on the water surface. Sorry for the few details but this is my style: I want to provoke my readers to view beyond the words. Best wishes, Marius

weirdelf

18 years 1 month ago

no need for sorry,

It works both ways. That is the hardest thing for any artist. Once you give it to the would it is out of your control. It works both ways for me and any number of other ways for other readers. Umberto Eco writes abut this well. cheers, Jess

Marius Surleac

18 years 1 month ago

Thank you!

Thank you Jess! Kind regards, Marius

rider68

18 years 1 month ago

Hi Marius

Once again I am drawn to your work, and take no shame in saying, that your representation is very creative, and informed, Jess complimented you by inciting Artist, I can whole heartedly agree, to pen such few words......and yet to have a profound effect to the reader, split to opinion and of thought, is a craft few possess, quite brilliant , Very Best Regards. Peter ~~~~~~~~~Creativity Is to think more efficiently~~~~~~~~~~

Marius Surleac

18 years 1 month ago

Thank you very much Peter!

Peter, your words overwhelm me. I am pleased to find out such brilliant opinions from you guys. You're always welcome. Best regards, Marius

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