The Other Side of the Coin

I know of a place,
That ain't no joke !
It's the world where mine's "nestled" in;
A perpetual Friday the 13th club,
with the appropriate cloud, up above.
I just don't know where to begin.

More than adequet forces oppose me.
I can feel that things aren't as they seem;
and if it isn't one thing it's another.
I'm not a fan, or student of Paranoia,
but, there's really no one I can count
except, of course, my Mother.

But, I shall digress,
and for now, I'll swallow what's eating me;
and trust, and embrace,
the "hope", in the good nature of the Universe,
Life's coupons, that are actually free smiles;
and the prominent essence of Good Fortune,
staring me in the face.

— docmaverick, Jun 20, 2008

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: The High Desert, in the wild west, southern California, U.S. of A.., USA

Favorite Poets: Keates, Poe, Dickinson, and Dr. Seuss. There are a smattering of others, but why bother listing 'em all, ya know?, I also rely on a few of our poets, here....for advice, and what not. I couldn't possibly explain what a fountain of live, effective knowledge we have...right here in our midst ! To catch a glimmer of brilliance, merely visit: the Stream.

Critiques

Alobar

17 years 11 months ago

I don’t see a poem here…

I don't see a poem here... yet. I see poetic phrasing, I see the beginnings of a poem, and I see, well, complaint. It is existential complaint, it has teeth, but it is not encased in a poem... yet. I would urge you to go back to this, expand it, edit it, and form it. As it stands, it is, as I have said, just complaint. Now, as to what I liked: More than adequate forces oppose me. This is the line the whole thing centers on, and it's an excellent line. Build around that. Maybe remove a bit of the the personal stuff, colour it up a bit, make it into a poem. Or perhaps it was just one of those, "There, now it's off my chest." If that's the case, ignore my comments and move on, your load lightened. Alobar (Just my two cents, spend them on gum if you wish.)

docmaverick

17 years 11 months ago

I'm dreadfully sorry...

....to be too opaque for you. But, there most definately IS a poem here. Yours, is the voice of complaint. Or, is that a poem, too? Read on, my friend. doc.