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R
rahbar
Jun 17, 2008 ⭐ See this poem's read count — a supporter feature

Broken Star.

 


 

BROKEN STAR!

 


Have you ever seen

a broken star?                              

traveling on high speed

towards its chosen altar.

 

Basking for a moment

in the glory of its own light,

then vanishing

in the utter dark.                                                

 

From somewhere to nowhere

seeking its own destiny

fragile than a

fleeting thought.

 

Unmindful of self-survival

Engrossed

in the compulsive act,

perfectly played its last part.                                                              

 

But, it will surely survive

in the memory of those,

who saw the final

burning spark!

 

By

 

Rahbar





 

 

 


— rahbar, Jun 17, 2008

About the Author

Country/Region: IND

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Critiques

weirdelf

weirdelf

18 years 1 month ago

Call me a pedantic purist

but I think this would be more effective without the colour and large type. It's a bit gimmicky. Your poetry is strong enough to stand on its own. cheers, Jess
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rahbar

18 years 1 month ago

Broken Star.

Thanks for your advise Jess, I understood your point. Rahbar.
Janice Pearce

Janice Pearce

18 years 1 month ago

Rahbar

Agree with Jess on the color, it was a beautiful poem and stood on it's own~nicely written!
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rahbar

18 years 1 month ago

Broken Star.

I do agree with your agreement,your comment is encouraging. Thanks Janice Pearce. Rahbar.
D

DarkinAZ

18 years 1 month ago

I too agree with Jess

and Janice, the colors are not necessary. Great story though, "falling stars" Sincerely, Mark
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rahbar

18 years 1 month ago

Broken Star.

Thanks Mark, Please comment on my next poem. Rahbar
P

poewriter58

18 years 1 month ago

Nice work

I've just recently saw a "shooting star" the first and perhaps the last I will ever see. It is an amazing sight "Basking for the moment in the glory of it's own light" and "unmindful of self survival" excellent thoughts Chrystalie
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rahbar

18 years 1 month ago

Broken Star.

Hello Chrystalie, you are right, I had heard in my child hood that only chosen ones can see the shooting star and you are one of them, Thanks for sharing your experience and comment. Rahbar.
weirdelf

weirdelf

18 years 1 month ago

shooing stars

are not that uncommon, at least in our Southern skies. Nonetheless they are magical, even only explained by meteors. I am one of those weird people who believe magic and science can go hand in hand. Maybe people like us, some call us poets or weirdos, may be proved right. You can edit your poem, just click on edit, to take out the colours, your words are truly enough. cheers, Jess
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rahbar

18 years 1 month ago

Broken Star.

Hello Jess,I accept your advise thanks for your comment and concern,..I am grateful. Rahbar.
weirdelf

weirdelf

18 years 1 month ago

I am honoured.

that you took my advice and others This site is about giving helpful suggestion, not giving flattery or false promises of publication cheers, Jess
Kailashana

Kailashana

18 years 1 month ago

a shooting star is a flash

a shooting star is a flash in the sky, a flatterer is someone who will make you eat your own words... tasteless as they are, were it not for the promise of light after the longest night... in a town without pity called plubicity ;-) Nice poem Rahbar. Love the stars.. Hi all, some info on Leonid Star Showers. http://meteorshowersonline.com/leonids.html
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rahbar

18 years 1 month ago

Broken Star.

Hello Kailashana[elder brother of kailash the mountain]thanks for your one in all twisting, turning, high and low comment.i will be reading your work soon. Rahbar.

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