Sonnet 6

I really like the meaning of this piece, but it doesn't have the clarity of your other works (that I've read). The rhyme feels forced in several places, and the flow isn't as smooth as I've become accustomed to in your writing. Here: These lines feel obscure and out of pace with the rest of the piece - "pales into the shard of soul" ("into" - can't find the specific words to describe why this seems off) "is nothing but receiving our goal" (something about "receiving" being used here) "crave for" - the "for" seems as if it's there for the sake of rhyme, because if you crave something, it is inherent that you are longing for it "shall write it to" - the "it" could be left out here "My grief it's" - "it's" to "is" would work here as well As always, mere suggestions. Best, Ronda p.s. Oh, and those last two lines? Perfection.

You really improved the flow and congruity with your changes! Take a look at these: "sharpen goal" - sharpened or sharper? "adventure of my soul" - what about "for my soul" "shall dig it to explore" - maybe "dig through" Those are the only three suggestions I have left for this piece! Nice rework! ~ Ronda

you OWN sonnet. cheers, Jess

I have read with utter ore, such fine writing,...quite brilliant Very best regards. Peter ~~~"I am not afraid of tomorrow, for I have seen yesterday, and I love today."~~~

Unlight, You have left me with my jaw on the floor! Beautiful, simply beautiful~ "There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you." Will Rogers