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Unlight
Unlight
Jun 10, 2008 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Sonnet 4

I thought the time was young, but yet so old
It turns to me with its sadistic face,
And all the stories are today untold
As in my mind the sorrow has no place.
But hurry now, because the spark is ill
Like some archaic plagues that burst away;
With courage near and shadow I shall kill
A humble voice of arrows to a grey
Salvation from the holy snow shaped beard.
The root of god is whiter than a cloud,
So we are worms: that's what I'd always feared,
But I destroyed the suffering and proud
I'll put my name in front of priest and saint
For I shall stay a soul who does not faint.
— Unlight, Jun 10, 2008

About This Poem

About the Author

Country/Region: Romania

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Critiques

RSScheerer

RSScheerer

17 years 12 months ago

Another solid

Another solid write. Questions & Comments: Why is it "little morbid face" and not just morbid? Something nitpicky, comes from teaching, sorry! - "what i always feared" - ""what i had always feared" (or i'd) You choose subject matter that is both intelligent and spiritual. Nicely addressed. ~ Ronda
Barbara Writes

Barbara Writes

17 years 12 months ago

I thought the time

Smiles:) Barbara Not sure if your title work well with your theme. Your i should be capitalize I feel. A title that expresses your theme, I think will help pull your main theme to the front making it clearer. Really good start, I see many images here that is very good.
weirdelf

weirdelf

17 years 11 months ago

You are superb in this form

And will always side with the soul who does not faint! but, I'm not going to stop hassling you about this, I feel there is something pretentious in not titling. This could also become a pragmatic consideration, there are people, including myself, who think the "teaser" on poems posted should be shortened or even removed. Who is going to click on "Sonnet #"? Just because your name is on it. What about people who don't already know how good you are? cheers, Jess
P

pinksheep

17 years 11 months ago

I thought

this sonnet is incredible as are your other sonnets , you are remarkable- May i ask a question do you think the exclamation mark takes away the steady pace of sonnet, is it if you were to leave out exclamation mark it would take away your meaning -sorry for all these questions, reason being i did not really like the exclamation mark, forgive me if i am saying something ridiculous here-May i say again you are a remarkable person-extremely remarkable person-
Janice Pearce

Janice Pearce

17 years 6 months ago

Sonnet 4

unlight, Another well written piece here! [Janice bows] _____________________________ To write a touching poem, you must gently stir the soul, if it brings forth tears or smiles, then the story was beautifully told. ________Janice Pearce_________
weirdelf

weirdelf

17 years 6 months ago

“little morbid” to

"little morbid" to "its sadistic" is a significant change and worth making. Love your work, darling, absolutely fabulous, wouldn't change a note. No more hassles about title, promise, you have paid your dues. cheers, Jess "They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety" Benjamin Franklin, wonder what he would think of the Patriot Act.