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RSScheerer
RSScheerer
Jun 10, 2008 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Venus Smiles into the Eyes of Valor

there is warm sand

beneath his back and

Venus smiles into his eyes

as the sun slowly rises

beyond a distant dune

 

a pre-dawn journey

down a dirt road

to a destination with a name

he cannot pronounce

 

he is now convinced it is Hell

 

to his left lies

a fallen friend

his world silenced

by deafening explosions

and screams of raw pain

 

his eyes veiled in blood

the edges of the world

turn black as flames

heat the skies

 

he smells the burn of gasoline

and something else

he does not want to know

 

the war is over for these brave soldiers

 

there is warm sand

beneath his back and

Venus smiles into his eyes

as the sun slowly rises

beyond a distant dune

— RSScheerer, Jun 10, 2008

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: Near Springfield, Illinois, USA

Favorite Poets: Sylvia Plath, Edgar Allen Poe, Merrit Malloy

More from this author

Critiques

Rob Graber

Rob Graber

17 years 12 months ago

Fine Ear!

What a great anti-war poem this is; you write with a fine ear!
RSScheerer

RSScheerer

17 years 12 months ago

hey Rob

didn't know who the heck you were by the new pic! Don't tell my husband that it's an anti-war poem, m'kay? LOL Best, Ronda
whitetea

whitetea

17 years 12 months ago

>

I liked that you mentioned sand close to mentioning Venus, at first I thought you were going to touch on when she first washed ashore after years of isolation. that adds a new dimension for me.
RSScheerer

RSScheerer

17 years 12 months ago

hi Whitney

Venus is the planet in this case, aka The Morning Star. Thank you for reading, it's good to see you around again! Best, Ronda
Janice Pearce

Janice Pearce

17 years 12 months ago

Ronda

I loved your envelope effect. Nicely written, thanks for sharing I always enjoy your work!
RSScheerer

RSScheerer

17 years 12 months ago

thanks, Janice

I love the term "envelope effect." Didn't even consider it until you pointed it out to me! Thank you! ~ Ronda
P

purplemoondoll

17 years 12 months ago

Stunning poetry. I like the

Stunning poetry. I like the way you draw the reader gently in with the first verse and then darken the tone and punch hard. This is compelling and brilliantly written. Kaz It's impossible to smile on the outside without feeling better on the inside.
infinite_dwarf

infinite_dwarf

17 years 12 months ago

Ronda

Fitting description for our military personnel. Sounds almost relaxing at first; warm sand - sun shining... and then the other shoe drops. Nice job. ~Jess K. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ~ "The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants." - Thomas Jefferson ~ "Tonight's forcast: dark, continued dark tonight, turning to partly light in the morning..." - George Carlin
O

orgami

17 years 12 months ago

circumferance of orbits and obits

sleeps in sands of far slung exonerations and turning swift the wings of day pull forth the orbit jewels of sky seas idling street to street of memory passing years in rapid decay tilted baby grands in lost ocean liners moss grazed tail fins oxide and rusts flamboyant jacket seasons I have journeyed following the hours through night while a new day burned aloft in brazen blue occupations a thousand "thens.." pass by with all the differences heeling on the bright fixation of that witness if these words mean nothing I understand but your poem is here within me now from the lands of Neopoet O
professor

professor

17 years 12 months ago

Powerful imagery

in this poem Ronda that really manages to take you out there in the beauty of a dessert sunrise and smell the simultaneous flaming death of a war machine and its soldiers. Being something of a romantic i see the image of Venus also reflecting a final remembrance of love amongst all the carnage of war. Cant think of a thing i would change in it, your poem delivers a punch on a number of levels. Keith
RSScheerer

RSScheerer

17 years 12 months ago

Thanks, Keith

Wow. I'm in awe of your opinion of this piece. Thank you so much. ~ Ronda
Janice Pearce

Janice Pearce

17 years 11 months ago

Ronda

Like the revisions here, but then again liked the first draft too. I hope the line you put in is a premonition: "The war is over for these brave soldiers" I also liked what you did with the added lines: his eyes veiled in blood the edges of the world turn black as flames heat the skies. [these are new right?] an awesome write Ronda~
RSScheerer

RSScheerer

17 years 11 months ago

thanks again, Janice

Actually, I think what happened is it showed up as revised due to the fact that I went back in and chose the option for a members-only post. The poem itself is the original. Sorry for any confusion! Thank you once again for your kind words. ~ Ronda